Life Perspective

Longing for Peace

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While we are lamenting about this year 2020 and the horrors of how awful it has been, I am reminded of a Christmastime in a year not so far in the distant past when I was in distress over the events of the year past.

It was 2014, there was unrest around the world. Evil people were plotting their evil schemes and committing unspeakable crimes on the innocent. However, we tend to forget; these were my sorrows then.

I’m having a really hard time finding the holiday spirit. Where are the 300 young girls that were kidnapped? A few days of news and we moved on. How many people have been beheaded? Horror at the first one then successively our shock and outrage has waned. Planes shot down, planes never found; not even a scrap of metal. Worshippers brutally stabbed inside their synagogue. Children slaughtered. Anger, hate, anger, hate everywhere — I cannot be consoled by holiday lights and trimmings. The sorrow is burning deep in my heart.

We feed off the sensationalization of it all, but move on like it was yesterday’s a bad weather. Real evil exists in people and groups and they are actively plotting their next move. Real evil!

I long for peace.

In 2014, I was longing for peace. I think every year that is my prayer. Covid 19 has taken many lives, it has isolated us from our loved ones, our spiritual support and destroyed the financial stability of many families. However in this storm we have also come to realize many things we had taken for granted. The one most important thing we take for granted, our freedoms.

I don’t know what 2021 will hold. Will it be worse than 2020 or 2014? Will we come together? Will we see each others smiles again? Will we go back to our churches and congregations and sing praises again? We will have peace?

I don’t know.

I have no insight to the future. I just know that whatever it holds, God will see me through or he’ll call me home.

For a Child will be born to us, a Son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. ~ Isaiah 9:6 NAS

Remembering ~ Jesse ~

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My friend Jesse was called to his heavenly home on Thanksgiving. Over the years Jesse and I had many, not heated, but terse discussions regarding our beliefs, our politics, social issues, etc. Sometimes I would get very frustrated over the fact I could post the most innocent thing and Jesse would find a way to make a controversy out of it. He was passionate about his beliefs and there were times he challenged me to think about things differently. I imagine him today in Heaven debating the greatest theological minds and loving every minute.

I first met Jesse through mutual friends, Mel and Elaine, who no doubt have greeted him in Heaven.  Mel, like Jesse, was a proponent of the unorganized church  and they would meet with a group of men at the local Shari’s restaurant once a week.

When we moved to a piece of property near Jesse on Union Hill, we hired him to help us clear the land so we could build a house.  He was a wild man in the trees.  He’d climb to the very top and snap the limbs off on his way up.  I have a video of him riding high in the treetops.

One Saturday morning after we had cleared the land and were living in a travel trailer on the property, Jesse came down the drive and gave us a little kitten that his dog Sarge had drug out from underneath his truck.  We named him Fang because according to Jesse he put up a good defense against Sarge’s advances. Fang became part of our household along with our two little dogs and adult cat PC.  

A few weeks after Fang became part of our family, PC got lost in the woods away from the clearing.  I could hear him howling in the forest so I trekked out calling for him in a pair of shorts and flip flops.  As I was looking I stepped up on an old rotten stump to get a better view.  As soon as I stepped on the stump an army of yellow jackets came swarming out from underneath my feet, stinging and attacking me violently.  In an effort to escape,  I lost my shoe and I was frantic – jumping and trying to get away through the dense underbrush.  It was then I began to think this forest life was not for me.  

Jesse stopped by that evening to say hello and talk about life and God as he often did.  When he heard my tale of woe, he immediately got up, left and came back a few minutes later armed with a can of hornet spray.

Now imagine this, it was dusk, Jesse was wearing only a yellow tank top, a cap, shorts and sneakers.  With no other protection, he marched into the forest with this can of hornet spray and a big stick.  He squatted in front of the rotten stump and began to dig into the nest with the stick and spray at the same time.  He was like the avenger!  Shockingly he did not get one sting but hundreds of hornets were massacred that night.

That’s the way Jesse did things, straight forward –  without fear.  No fear, only boldness about his faith as well.  He was always ready for a great discussion or debate.

The last time I saw Jesse and Janna they stayed a few nights with us before venturing out to the east coast to be nearer his son and his family.  Jesse spent a few days working on and repairing their motor-home for the journey.  This motor-home was older and packed to the gills, I was more than skeptical of its ability to make it across country.   Nonetheless, venture off they did, no fear, only faith in God to take care of them on the journey.  

As we watched them drive away, I told Chris I feel like I am watching one of my kids drive off into the big wide world and I need to intervene or protect them.  However, I know now what Jesse knew then, he relied on his God for protection and guidance.  His faith was great and it saw him through many tough times.  

For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”  Romans 1:17 NIV

America Gives Thanks

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One week until Thanksgiving and I thought I would share my sentiments and memories from last year about Thanksgivings past.

There so much controversary over the family gatherings this year it saddens my heart that these issues may overshadow the spirit and intent of the holiday.

I won’t be at the American Legion this year and my mom won’t be able to have a celebration with anyone of us. It will be just Chris and I, or possibly with a few friends, but one thing for certain, we will sit around the table and say thank you for the many, many, blessings we have in this country.

We are not infallible, but we are a great nation; we are caring and generous people; we are a people who recognize with gratitude the freedoms we share. America is the dream of many people around the world. We will get through this and we will come back stronger. This is our holiday and next Thursday, whatever the circumstances, we will bow our heads and give thanks.

Thanksgiving

Rogelio, My Friend

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It was a drizzly grey day outside today. Rogelio showed up at 7 AM to do a fall clean up of my yard.

We met Rogelio 18 years ago. He had a house in the next town over that was built near abandoned coal mines and he needed an analysis done which our company did for him. Through the process he let us know he did side jobs landscaping, so as we had 3.5 acres of yard to care for, we hired him to help us.

Rogelio has so many amazing qualities the at the top of the list is his skill to turn the mess of my yard into a woodland paradise. He cleared the beds, he created rock gardens, trimmed the shrubbery, edged the lawn and he with his sons would more in 8 hours than I could accomplish in months.

I have always told people that Rogelio got all the credit for the beauty in my garden.

Rogelio has shared many other talents with us. He has helped build fences, helped haul away junk, polished concrete floors, updated and installed lighting, laid patio bricks and the list could go on and on. He has always been willing to help in any way. He would see something that needed attention, set a proposal for getting it done and get it done he would.

He is a man with a natural God-given wisdom. He believes hard work is the key to happy life.

Rogelio would say that the struggles of life makes you strong and gives you a will to live. “Man has to fight for life.”

Yep, this is a just out-of-bed uncombed hair photo. Not everyone gets to see me like this!

Through the years we have gotten to know each others families. We have shared our common concerns for our aging parents, his father and mother in Mexico, and my mother in Texas.

A few months ago he showed up at the house on a Saturday morning with a bottle of Tequila he brought back from Mexico. As you can see below it was no regular bottle of the Tequila. It was a massive big bottle. He told Chris he had been in Mexico helping people, he had brought money and supplies to family and friends. He said that helping others was something he learned from Chris. Always be generous and you will always have more to share. Humbling.

As the years have gone by we all have aged. Rogelio’s hair has a tinge of gray now but he still works as hard as he did in his 30’s. He showed up at 7AM this morning and worked until 3. A long day in the drizzling rain and in the end the yard was beautiful and ready for winter. I asked if it was getting to be too much for him, he says not. He loves the serenity of this place and being outdoors. Before he left, we visited a while. We talked about our families, the virus and the measures we are all taking to stay safe. We thanked him, he thanked us.

This is Rogelio my friend. He makes my garden beautiful and I am thankful for him.

Finding My Grateful Heart

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“If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.”
~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

Looking back through the history of just my life, I am wondering if I can find good in every situation? This is a tall order. It cannot be done with my own power but only by endeavoring to see it through the lens of God’s eyes.

Yes, there were hardships and obstacles that dominated my youth but I can recognize how they helped form who I am today. In many ways I think those experiences help me look at others who struggle with a compassionate heart and less of a judging mindset.

More recent trials I find harder to envision the blessings with my inadequate mortal eyes. However, for every injustice I can find mercy, for every harsh word a kind one and for every heartache a joy.

In the bigger picture of things… I. Am. So. Blessed!

I really have nothing to complain about, yet I do complain. Praying my gratitude overshadows my grumbles today and that my heart will be continually grateful.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 NKJV

Gratitude: For our Veterans

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Veterans, today I honor and thank you for serving in defense of our freedoms and the freedom of people all around the world.

I did some research and found that those currently serving in the US Military, all branches, comprises (.4%) less than HALF of ONE PERCENT of the population of the United States. In 1970 during the Vietnam War it was only 1.4%

Today there are 18.2 million veterans living in the US going back to WWII. So total the percent of US citizen still living is just 5.5% of the population.

They truly are, and were, the select, the brave and the few who sacrificed much for the protection and security of the 99% of the rest of us.

They have given of their heart, their soul and shed their blood; they did so for love of their country, with a sense of honor and pride. Their devotion does not fade. They are a noble group, a very small percentage of our population who answered the call to serve.

My promise is to honor and remember everyday and keep them always on my heart and in my prayers.

May God bless you and keep you and protect your heart and mind.

Known Only to Him

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Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
Hab 3:17-19

Election night, 2000, I was with Chris sitting at SeaTac airport with a group from our congregation headed to Israel to meet our pastors and begin a tour of the Holy Land.

People had their eyes on the TV’s throughout the airport waiting for election results. Just before we boarded the plane around midnight, all the news outlets announced that Al Gore had won the presidency. Fast forward eighteen hours later when we landed in Israel and everything had changed. Nothing was certain, Florida was undecided, hanging chad problems prompted microscopic evaluations of ballots and recounts began. Each morning when we boarded the tour bus there was an update, no final decision on US Presidential election.

We were sheltered from the daily bombardment of the drama going on at home. We spent our time in Israel praying for the people in the land and praying for God’s will to be done.

We returned twelve days later on November 20 and still no decision. Not until December 12, did the Supreme Court end the Florida recount and George W Bush was declared the winner.

I am taking a lesson from that period in time; listening to no news, no talking heads, no analyst and putting my faith in God and knowing He is the ultimate decision maker.

I often found myself cringing at Trump’s comments and brashness. However, I was somewhat reassured that at least I knew how he truly felt about an issue as opposed to a typical politician (any party) who speak out of both sides of their mouth. I had friends in 2016 that warned me Trump would destroy the country, that he would start WW3, that the LGBTQ community would be in fear for their lives. None of that came to pass. All the horrifying things people on the opposing side are saying about the current administration are likely to not be as tragic either.

God often uses our flaws for His good. Today, I have been thinking about the other half of the country and how we have such polar opposite views on so many things. I have been praying for wisdom to see more of what I have in common with the other side and to love and not hate.

I keeping singing the hymn “Known Only to Him” over in my head and this verse:
“I know not what the future holds but I know who holds the future.”

Good News & Blessings from 2009

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I keep coming across snippets of things I wrote many years ago. Here is one from March 2009.

Eleven years ago and I was seeing the negative impact of the main stream media; the constant bombardment of bad news and the attempts to control us by fear.

Since then, the rhetoric has ramped up, the hate has increased, the fringe radical groups are given more and more attention with less and less accountability.

In this month of Thanksgiving be thankful for the blessings we have. Turn your back on those who wish to divide us. Help those less fortunate, share your talents, share your blessings and share some love. ❤️

GOOD NEWS & BLESSINGS

Mar 14 2009

Good News

Today I live in America and it is still the place where people from all over the world want to come to fulfill their dreams.

Good News
Today I live in America and it is still the place where people from all over the world want to come to fulfill their dreams.

Are we always right? No
Have we been Blessed? Yes
Even today, do we have more food, shelter, jobs,opportunities, & wealth than most of the world? Yes

Stop complaining, Start Living…

Stop listening to the news… it seems they are now thriving on “FEAR MONGERING”

Find “your” belief in the American Dream that others risk their life to come here for.

The sky is not falling and Americans aren’t a nation of Chicken Littles. We are people that face challenges straight on, keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going.

And again …turn off the TV and the News…. it is depressing, it is brainwashing, it kills your motivation, it makes you want to give up.

You will be much happier!

Oh and by the way, It is a beautiful world!

Life Will Find a Way

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I came across this photo I took on this day three years ago. It is a picture of a tiny fern growing underneath a concrete ledge.

The amazing thing about this fern is that the ledge where it is growing is on the 47th floor of the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle, 449 ft above the city.

At the time I took this photo, I was struck by the ability of such a small plant to take root and grow in a thin crack of concrete. How far and how high did the spores need to travel to reach this lofty height and settle in? No fertilizer, no special care or tending just sun and rain. I know rain seems to be in abundance in Seattle but this fern had most likely rooted during the warm summer. Did it sustain itself from the fog and warm moist ocean air that came in from the Puget Sound? How exactly did it find that “one spot” to lodge itself, take root and hold on in the winds that blow in off the water that are aided and strengthened by the effects of the Olympic Mountains? The answer, only my conclusion and insight here; Life and the will to survive is strong and even a fern finds a way to carry on.

It is a promising sign that even in the harshest circumstances life will find a way to thrive. Living in this time of lockdowns and corona virus where many are afraid for the future. Take heart because just like this little fern, growing under the ledge on the 47th floor of the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle, we will find a way to adapt and persevere even though it’s not always easy.

ANEVER

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I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

F037A17D-F786-411C-98D8-651EAA0EE950

I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

I Found a Nickel

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Recently the AC unit was replaced at our office; a very old unit it still chugged along but no longer efficient.  A80AD951-E1D4-407D-BBBA-06B6B34BAB26The new unit was relocated to the back of the building leaving a concrete pad on the side of the building. After the work was done and the unit hauled away, I walked by the pad and noticed a dark circle on the pad. I reached down to pick it up and found it was a nickel; an almost black discolored nickel.

I tried to rub away enough tarnish to see the date but it was not easy to read. Finally in the light I see it is stamped 1980.  I thought, not really so old for it looked like it had been there 100 years. Then I realized that although it did not seem that old it had been there forty years —- forty years just hiding under the AC unit as the world and time moved forward.

This nickel in it’s shiny new condition was cloaked from the light when Ronald Reagan was elected the 40th President of the United States, November 4,1980. There in 1981, when the AIDS virus was first identified. In 1982, when I met my husband of the past 37 years which was long before I ever set foot in this little town, it was there.

Unseen in 1985 when the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl exploded sending 8 tons of nuclear reactive material into the atmosphere.  It remained hidden in 1986 when the shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after launch.  There in 1988 when a PanAm 747 exploded from a terrorist bomb that sent it crashing  to the ground in Lockerbie, Scotland.

Concealed in 1989 when the Berlin Wall came down and in December when the Romanian uprising overthrew the Communist government just days before my youngest son was born at the University of WA Medical Center.

It had possibly lost some luster in 1991 but it made no movement as the Soviet Union broke up after President Gorbachev resigned.  In that same year my oldest son was nearly killed in a motorcycle accident.  In 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected president and when my middle son graduated high school just a few miles away it remained sheltered from sight. It was there one year later as the same son was wounded in Somalia during the Battle of Mogadishu, on October 3, 1993.

Fast forwarding through the rest of the 90’s – wars in Serbia, Croatia, and at home in Oklahoma City. OJ killed his wife and the president cheated on his.

When the world entered the new millennium this nickel was now 20 years old.  In 2000, I technically became the owner of this hidden coin as we purchased the building with it’s old AC and it’s hidden coin that remained safely beneath.

This nickel stayed in the dark through the darkest days of 9-11 in 2001. There as the younger Bush became president and we went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan.   It remained as as dictators were ousted from power or died… Saddam, Arafat, Milosevic and many other men who’s hearts were set on evil.

In 2009 Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States.  In the middle of Obama’s years my world was rocked by my own personal tragedies as my youngest son was diagnosed with IBD, underwent 5 surgeries and spent weeks and months in the hospital and ICU after several life threatening events. Through all this, a nickel now tarnished and black lay hidden.

There have been many changes in the world in those 40 years.  I didn’t think this nickel was so very old but in the time it lay undiscovered under the AC unit it had aged and tarnished just as much as we had as we found our way through the last forty years.  As much as things changed they have stayed the same. There is still war and unrest in the world, people no matter how much they talk about peace can’t even make peace with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It seems there is a greater desire to be right than to find common ground.

I found a nickel and it spoke to me

Journey of Faith

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Tomorrow: My youngest son’s 30th birthday. For over 10 years he has battled with several auto-immune diseases. Sometimes referred to as invisible diseases, as many suffer without external signs that are obvious to those around them, but for them they are more than apparent. His decline over the past year and a half has been heartbreaking to witness.

Prompted by a video made by friends regarding healing, where they visited the pools of Siloam and Bethesda and prayed, Chris and I made the decision to use our upcoming Israel trip to visit these places and pray for our son and pray for healing.

As time drew near I worried that my planned journey may have some element of superstition attached to it. That going there gave the appearance that those places held some sort of power that bordered on the mystical where I was expecting a miracle that God could only deliver from there.  I did not want that.

We talked about it and decided we would go as planned and pray; to go and be open to any message God had for us.

We started our day early and had reservations to stay overnight at the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem. We made it to the American Colony about 12:30, as our room wasn’t ready, we hired a taxi and made our way to the Pool of Siloam.

The driver drove through the Arab neighborhood in East Jerusalem to find the entrance where our friends, who had made the video about healing, had gone. The man at the entrance sign near the street told us we had to go through the City of David to reach the pool. So the taxi took his back up the hill and dropped us off at the entrance.

When we got inside we paid the entrance fee and were told we’d have to walk through the Canaanite tunnel, a narrow tunnel from an earlier period of more than 1000 years older than Hezekiah‘s Tunnel, to reach the Pool of Siloam.

Oh my, what a walk, we ventured for 30 or 40 minutes through this long and narrow passageway — down old stone stairways, modern steel wire stairways, down and down more and more stairs — finally to reach a tunnel that looked more like a crack in the earth of less than a foot and a half wide in many places. It was dimly lit and had a stone floor less than a foot wide in places.  However, even though it widened higher up, I still had to turn sideways in many places to squeeze through. When we finally reached the end and exited the tunnel,  we were in the Arab neighborhood where the taxi had originally taken us.

We continued to follow the signs as they lead us through the residential streets and at last we arrived at a worn, rusted gate painted green with paint that looked like it had begun to peel years before.  I was so hot and tired and somewhat frustrated over the detour but it set me thinking.

That path through the Canaanite tunnel with ups and downs on a rocky floor, its twists and turns squeezing through narrow spots, reminded me of the journey we take in life when we have trials. We cannot see the end and we do not know what lies around the next corner,  or what it’s gonna take to squeeze through the next difficulty, however, we must keep pressing forward.

We walked through the gate that lead to the pool and down a steep stone stairway.  No one else was there; it was a rectangular space 360C348C-BA82-4E4D-9D3D-B1E32C233EE5enclosed with rock walks and the quiet sound of water trickling through the shallow pool.    

Chris and I said a prayer.  We prayed, “Lord we’ve made this journey to this pool not that it’s a mystical place where we would get special attention to our prayers but we came here as an act of faith, a reminder that you are a God that heals, a blind man was healed here and that you are still a God that heals.”

A Man Who Can Teach Us Much About Gratitude

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“No onight2ane is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them. Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately.”

~ Elie Wiesel

These words spoken by a Jewish man born in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania. He was deported by the Hungarian government to Auschwitz with his family at 15. His mother and youngest sister were murdered immediately while he and his father remained and labored at Auschwitz. They were later moved to Buchenwald where he helplessly listened as his father was beaten to death.  When the camp was liberated in April 1945 he was 16 1/2 years old.  

Elie Wiesel spent the rest of his life fighting against injustice and man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. In 1986 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Along with the quote above in his acceptance speech he says:

“I remember: it happened yesterday or eternities ago. A young Jewish boy discovered the kingdom of night. I remember his bewilderment, I remember his anguish. It all happened so fast. The ghetto. The deportation. The sealed cattle car. The fiery altar upon which the history of our people and the future of mankind were meant to be sacrificed”

In his 1999 book “Perils  of Indifference,” he says;

“Gratitude is a word that I cherish. Gratitude is what defines the happiness and humanity of the human being.”

Full text of his acceptance speech here:

Artwork from Night by Elie Wiesel – 1982

Appointed Time

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4A403F71-69CB-412E-9EAF-F503AB6E5204Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. It is demonstrated to me again this year in my Thanksgiving cactus. It is possibly 25 or more years old and it is large. It needed a larger pot years ago, I sometimes forget to water it, and yet every year it blooms at its appointed time  

On a larger scale the day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.

 

 

Intersections

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Warning.  Old ladies must be careful and stop at all intersections. I got a call this morning… someone asking me to take them to the ER in Issaquah. We got there at 9 by 11:30 the doctors had decided to do a test and they asked me to step out of the room. 

I came out and started down one of those long hospital corridors when all of a sudden BAM… I felt like I was hit by a bus.  I went flying across that 10ft hallway, landed on my arse, and hit the wall with my head.  It was not a big yellow bus, but it was a young 6’ something Justin-bus of the human male species.  

60E01375-A8F8-460E-9C69-FA202524CE58A lady came running out if the ER and after a few minutes and accessing everything, I got up.  She asked me if I wanted to see a doctor but my thought process said no  – they were swamped and other than my wounded sense of dignity, and a sore wrist, hip and head everything still moved.  I didn’t want to waste time for someone to say, “Looks like you got knocked on your rear!” Therefore, I declined.

I could make some comparisons here, such as, the other intersections in life that catch you off guard.  The loss of a loved one, a tragic diagnosis,  dealing with aging parents, aging and retirement. These intersections should also be approach with caution.  Take the time to look both ways and reflect on all possibilities  and outcomes.  Should you get sidelined, stop, take a deep breath, pick yourself up and move forward.  Life is a highway with many crossroads. Proceed with caution but stay on the road to the final destination. And…

Always slow down at intersections!!

Child of my Childhood

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just a young girl, a child
very meek and very mild

suffering abuse
of adult mistrust and misuse

desperate to escape
the next incident of childhood rape

summer of nineteen sixty-nine
appeared a tall hero and seemingly lifeline

not as much a child as man
together, young formed a plan

to many foolish though it seemed
somehow a life was redeemed

a child within the union set
left behind the evil threat

this child born of desperate time
a living doll that was mine

infant years held strong love
this doll of mine i write of

so many years between
understanding was lost… unseen

mother child in heart retains
regrets of youthful mistakes and pains

now this child of my childhood
long has left age of boyhood

starting now a fiftieth year
since child became a mother here

love, frustration, hope and despair
all have been a part of this pair

both older now and wiser still
overcoming lost good will

reaching out to understand
events that all the years have spanned

child of my childhood know
love was always there to bestow

to a child who forever changed
a life that needed rearranged

the years that life will here to span
know you were part of God’s intended plan

from a burden path a child was set free
heart full of gratitude forever for thee

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Why Old Ladies Wear Lots of Jewelry

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Something I remember from my youth, southern ladies draped in jewelry;  a ring on every finger, some with two, bracelets up their arms and three or four necklaces of varying lengths.  Gold, silver, diamonds and gems sparkling like a star filled night.

I’ve read, in looking at this phenomenon, that it’s possibly the flashy jewelry  takes away from the “wrinkles, thinning hair and double chins” Interesting theory, but no.

Back then, in my schoolgirl days, I wondered if it was just an exhibition of wealth.  These rich old ladies adorning themselves with jewels to show they’ve made it. Looking like a walking, talking jewelry store, jingle and jangling with every movement.

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However, now that I am hitting my mid-sixties,  I more fully understand. Each morning I get ready for work and put on my favorite daily-go-to-bracelet and I rotate a few favorite earrings and necklaces; three or four pieces and done.   I wear the same basic things every day.

The amazing thing is that over the 37 years of marriage Chrissie has given me lots of fabulous baubles. Some I have not worn more than a handful of times, on “special occasions.” They are safely tucked away in their velvet boxes. Occasionally I check on them, open the box and admire them but almost never wear them. Too much for everyday I thought, but I lately I am thinking, “How many more special occasions will I have left in my lifetime? “ I should wear them more than one every now and then. I need to stack up on bracelets… maybe four one one arm two on the other.  Either I am going to enjoy these baubles or they will just go to the next person down the line and to me they would have been just hidden treasures.

So here it is, the real reason old ladies wear lots of flashy jewelry is because we realize time is short and we realize there was no reason to save these baubles for special occasions. Everyday we old ladies wake up and put our feet on the floor and face the day, it is, a special occasion.   So here we come, love or not, we are going to sparkle and shine.

Family of the Heart

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Thankful for family… those by blood and those by heart.

Without getting too deep into the crazy mix of my family, I want to say I am so thankful for the family God has put in my life. Especially, Karen who joined my family circle in a crisis and has stayed through many highs and lows over the years.

Karen is the wife of my ex and we met when my oldest son was in the hospital after a near-fatal motorcycle accident 27 years ago. She has always accepted me as a part of her family. This past week she has put in three long days helping me and my siblings clean out my mother’s house, above and beyond any obligation or call of duty she had. We had many moments of laughter and it surely takes a saint to work through 40 years of clutter and dust.

Much love to you Karen ❤️ I know you’ve found many family members lately through DNA but my mom told me one time you told her we were “buds”. We are more than that, we are sisters.

I am truly thankful for and send much love to Paulette and PJ too. My mother is truly blessed to have them as her children.

Karen below after taking the last kitty cat figurine off the shelf. She says she is smiling!!

New Mission in Life

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I have just left Texas where I had to tell my mom that she could no longer live on her own. It has been a long time coming. For years she has refused to leave her home…she wanted to die there. After falls, midnight drives to nowhere, days of confusion, not a taking her medicine and finally falling and fracturing her pelvis, I have accepted that it is not safe and borders on neglect to let her stay there. I live 2200 miles away and have made 4 trips a year to help and try and manage from a distance.

A small Texas town she has lived for 45 years. She has a compassionate and caring doctor, friends and church family around her and the doctor told me it was best for her to stay in Texas.

A friend sent the link to this beautiful video last week, I just opened it. I am here alone at the office and tears are flowing down my face. A beautiful portrayal of the love between parent and child. I don’t know how well I’ve done, but I know I have tried to be the safe place my mom could fall.

It is an odd feeling. I am dismantling my mother’s life, her possessions, her accounts and her home while she is still living. We talked on Sunday and she told me she feels at peace, I hope and pray that is true. I have walked through every emotion, anger, frustration, sadness, confusion and resignation.

Last week when I was there, the local florist who we know very well, lost his mom. He told me that when he came to sit with his mom at night he would find my mom sitting outside her door at 1 AM praying and reading her bible.

I told my mom that God still has a mission for her.

https://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=11FMBFNU

Unsettled Brain

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It is 3AM and I am wide awake since 1… so many thoughts going through my head, lots of issues, globally, locally, and within me and not a one of them do I have answers for. Oh dear.

My brain seems to want to go over every possible scenario. Funny because in the past when my brain has thought it has covered it all, life and situations never unfold in any of the ways that my brain has rehearsed. Time moves on and life will happen according to God’s plan not mine.

A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9