Tomorrow, September 13th is Paulette’s birthday… my sister. We officially became sisters in March 1970 but did not meet until a short time later. I was 15; Paulette was 12. For me it was an immediate bond.
We both had grown up far too fast. Our girlhoods were cut short, overshadowed by heavy burdens we never should have had to bear. Not the happiest bond we shared but we understood each other on a very deep level.
Several years ago we both did dna testing. Out of 5400 maternal haplogroups that exist, we belong to the same branch.
Paulette, H6a1b and me, H6a1b2. Mine sits directly underneath H6a1b on the human mitochondrial DNA evolutionary tree. Somewhere back in time we have shared ancestry because H6a1b2 shares a relatively recent maternal ancestor with people belonging to the main H6a1b group.
Not any way a surprise to me that we have an ancestral bond. We have a family bond (too complicated to explain here) and we have a love bond. The last grew over years of supporting each other through life’s up and downs.
I cannot even think of one time we argued over anything. I imagine at some point we had different views but nothing that could come between us. In contrast, many, many times we have been a unified force against anyone or anything who would seek to harm those we loved.
When our mother was in a nursing facility. The staff there affectionately called us “the sisters.” Honestly, I don’t know if it was affectionate, but they knew we were of one mind with the same commitment and devotion to our mother.
Time and chance brought us together, love has sealed us as one in heart. Paulette was a gift I needed in my life at that time and for every year since.
Happy birthday Paulette. You and me forever and always. I love you.
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Thankful today for the strong women in my family and for the bond and closeness we share. We as a group have been like glue, we have held together when others were falling apart.
We seldom argue. We are of one mind and spirit. We support each other, are available for each other, listen to each other without judgment. When crises come, we join in unison to make our way through.
There is Paulette who overcame extreme childhood adversity but did not let it keep her from succeeding in life. She was an anchor of support for my mother, her daughters and her grandchildren. She supported them emotionally, financially and lovingly. She works hard and shares what she has without hesitation.
There is my niece, who grew up without the protection and care of a father. She grew into a strong, confident, talented and independent young woman. She extends undeserved compassion and mercy to those who have not earned it, showing the kindness and forgiveness in her heart.
My sister-in-love, my niece’s mother showed extreme strength in looking for a more stable home for her daughter. After many years apart we reconnected and formed a bond of friendship and sisterhood.
My Auntie TJ. All of my childhood we lived across the country from each other. We reconnected over 40 years ago to discover that we had many of the same characteristics. Funny how nature is that way. She cares for so many in her family, but most exceptional was the care she gave as a devoted daughter, caring for my grandmother until she passed at 98.
My cousin Patty who was widowed as a young mom and raised a fine handsome responsible young man. She also, like her mom, is now providing support her mother.
My cousin Beth, she fought for justice for her father (my uncle) and for her children. She paid many visits to my mother in her final years extended her love by being near when needed.
My cousin, Debbie who passed away in December. I will miss our marathon phone calls… never less than an hour and a half, full of support for each other’s lives. She also would travel to visit my mother and show her love.
My sister-in-law, Karen, who joined my family circle in a crisis and has stayed through many highs and lows over the years. Above and beyond any obligation or call of duty she had, she has supported both sides of the family.
We have all seen the hot water and we have proven we are strong. Our bond is unbreakable and we together we can overcome.
Life is trying these days. So much adjusting. Adjusting to a virus that has us second guessing each move. A virus that takes its greatest toll on the elderly — in loss of life and in loss of emotional support.
As I have written before my mother is in a nursing home facility in Texas. A facility that’s 2000 miles from me. I was visiting once every couple of months but once this virus hit I have been unable to visit. The facility was locked down on March 12.
Since that time I noticed a decline in my mother’s health, her mental health and physical. Every phone call she ask when I’m coming to see her. Every phone call I tell her no one can visit because of the virus. Every phone call I tell her the virus is everywhere.
She began asking about different family members and saying she was worried about them. She would say things like, “I wonder if they’re dead. Are they dead?”
One person she asked about often was her cousin Gladys, they were as close as sisters. A few months ago I was talking to my mother on an early Sunday morning and she asked those questions about Gladys.
Gladys lives in North Carolina. Only six months younger than my mother she has no dementia and lives a full life. So that morning I called Gladys then called my mom back and set up a three-way call. They talked for 45 minutes laughed and giggled just like schoolgirls. It was so sweet and Gladys was so patient with my mother as she repeated the same questions over again. The questions were mostly about the present because the past my mother remembered fully.
Sadly yesterday, I learned that Gladys had passed away, a casualty of the COVID-19 virus. Such a great loss to her family. She full of energy, so loving and giving to all around her. I loved to hear her speak, her southern accent so much like my grandmother’s in the way she called me darling drawn out into a melodic – “Daah-lynn’.”
Now I am faced with a choice as to whether I should tell my mother. One side of me leans toward not telling her. Her mental decline has been so noticeably great since this lock down. The other side of me faces the same old question can I/should I lie when she ask about her?
After am e-mail exchange with the social worker, Christy, (she is an angel on earth) I decide I will not tell her. Christy tells me my mother has days when she will have a moment of clarity and remember the loss of her step-son earlier this year. She mourns all over again and it takes days for her to recover. Just deflect the question or tell her Gladys is fine. I have decided on the latter.
After all, Gladys is fine, she is more than fine. She is in the Heavenly realms with her maker and the lover of her soul. They will meet again one day.
On my home after another Texas trip. Two days with my Mom and all day Friday with Paulette for her birthday. Not afun night out dancing with with the girls but a day together reminiscingabout the past, talking about the future and appreciating each other and the blessings in our lives.I found the lyrics to this song from the musical “Gypsy”. I think it should be our theme song.
“Wherever we go, whatever we do
We’re gonna go through it together
We may not go far, but sure as a star
Wherever we are, it’s together…
Wherever I go, I know she goes
No fits, no fights, no feuds and no egos
Amigos, together!
Through thick and through thin, all out or all in
And whether it’s win, place or show
With you for me and me for you
We’ll muddle through whatever we do
Together, wherever we go”
We started with breakfast at Denny’s, then massages in Athens ( the blackeye pea capital of the World) , detoured at pecan factory ( bought some jalapeño pecan brittle), steakhouse dinner, and a tour of the old Corsicana Opera House built in 1905. The highlight there, just so you know you are in Texas, was the disco saddle. Texas version of the disco ball.The tour was suppose to continue around the old buildings in Corsicana with anecdotes, tales of the unexplained and history of the past. However Paulette’s shoe broke and after the underwhelming performance of the ghost in the basement of the opera house, we left.
It was beautiful out with a full moon and we went for a drink before calling it a night. I wanted to take her picture with moon in the background and every picture I took showed a cross through the moon. I was using my phone and have photographed the moon before but no matter how I tried to refocus it was there.
A good end to a Friday the 13th under a full Texas Moon.
Emyloom ~ Words Woven Within My Heart 