We are the Women – We are One

“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Thankful today for the strong women in my family and for the bond and closeness we share.   We as a group have been like glue, we have held together when others were falling apart. 

We seldom argue. We are of one mind and spirit. We support each other, are available for each other, listen to each other without judgment. When crises come, we join in unison to make our way through. 

There is Paulette who overcame extreme childhood adversity but did not let it keep her from succeeding in life.  She was an anchor of support for my mother, her daughters and her grandchildren. She supported them emotionally, financially and lovingly.  She works hard and shares what she has without hesitation. 

There is my niece, who grew up without the protection and care of a father. She grew into a strong, confident, talented and independent young woman.  She extends undeserved compassion and mercy to those who have not earned it, showing the kindness and forgiveness in her heart. 

My sister-in-love, my niece’s mother showed extreme strength in looking for a more stable home for her daughter. After many years apart we reconnected and formed a bond of friendship and sisterhood. 

My Auntie TJ.  All of my childhood we lived across the country from each other.  We reconnected over 40 years ago to discover that we had many of the same characteristics.  Funny how nature is that way.  She cares for so many in her family, but most exceptional was the care she gave as a devoted daughter, caring for my grandmother until she passed at 98.

My cousin Patty who was widowed as a young mom and raised a fine handsome responsible young man. She also, like her mom, is now providing support her mother. 

My cousin Beth, she fought for justice for her father (my uncle) and for her children. She paid many visits to my mother in her final years extended her love by being near when needed. 

My cousin, Debbie who passed away in December. I will miss our marathon phone calls… never less than  an hour and a half, full of support for each other’s lives.  She also would travel to visit my mother and show her love. 

My sister-in-law, Karen, who joined my family circle in a crisis and has stayed through many highs and lows over the years.  Above and beyond any obligation or call of duty she had, she has supported both sides of the family. 

We have all seen the hot water and we have proven we are strong. Our bond is unbreakable and we together we can overcome. 

Gladys

Sharing a verse from 1978 written by my mother about her cousin Gladys. It is about a person that loved her through a time of loss and change.

In tribute to Gladys 12/31/33 – 8/23/20

GLADYS

Once, so many years ago; a time came in my life: a time of change-

    A change of place, a change of face, a change of family came into my life –

Once so many years ago; once so many years ago I gained a sister in my life-

    Not a REAL sister – in that way-I wasn’t blessed, once so many years ago.

This sister that I did acquire, once so many years ago, was truly of the family,

    The family kind; because as close as we could come was through our mothers,

Once so many years ago; For 14 years we did not know, this sister of mine-

    We did not know that such a closeness, a love, a kindredship could exist.

Once so many years ago.

Sometimes I wonder as I think back on once so many years ago, if there might –

    Just might have been some unspoken thoughts between us two; so many years ago,

Unspoken thoughts that may have said—I don’t want you here—you intrude—intrude

    On me and my family – go away – Did she think these things, many years ago?

Once so many years? If she did – she didn’t say – didn’t say these things out

    Out loud to me, once so many years ago.  We fussed, we played, we grew,

We fell in Love ( Oh! How many times?) Once so many years ago. 

    Such great, great things. Great things as we plundered through the years,

Once so many years ago.

Once so many years ago, 14 can seem so old, so old we really thought we were,

    Once so many years ago—we thought we knew just everything, just all the-

The world was at our feet — boy we were really dumb, once so many years ago.

    Once so many years ago? Ha! Have we ever changed? This “sister” and l –

Have we changed from once go many years ago? This “sister” is my cousin, my

    Cousin, or did you know? This cousin that I loved so dear, so many years ago!

No we haven’t changed from once so many years ago—we haven’t changed, but years,

    Years have changed, changed us both, we’re not as near as once so many years ago.

But, Love? Yes love is there—is there any doubt it’s so? Any doubt it would not—

    Would not live—from once so many years ago? Oh yes – it lived, it lived and

And even grew – grew into a different kind of love from once so many years ago.

    We don’t climb trees, or run through orchards, or eat ice cream brunches,

Like once so many years ago. Or even sit on top of the bunk beds and play rummy —

    Yes, for hours, once so many years ago. There are so many things that over,

Over, over the years we’ve out-grown, since once so many years ago.  When we —

    When we were only 14, only 14, so many years ago and thought the world was ours.

Once so many years ago, are days l won’t forget, wouldn’t want to even If I could—

    Could forget those years – those years before we grew so fast and grew away—

Away each other in miles, in miles but never in thoughts, in miles but— 

    But once in a while. not often, but once in a while—a letter, a talk, a talk,

Once go many years ago – I had “sister-cousin” — once so many years ago, and yet

     Tho’ oh so many years have passed, I have that sister still—to share our—

Our thoughts, our loves, our disappointments, our sorrows, our plans for things–

    For things yet to come, to come to our children, things that maybe we missed.

We missed once so many years ago —Missed?  Us? No we didn’t miss out-out on any –

    On anything once so many years ago, because I had a sister to love and who–

Who loved me in return, even tho’ it was never said; said outloud, but still —

   Still was there and is today, the love, I have for her, Gladys, this sister –

Whom I love today and never see, oh, seldom, yes but

   Not like once so many years ago, when 14 was  just

Just the age to be — with Gladys

Once so many years ago.

HPVHA 2-16-78

Life and Loss

Life is trying these days. So much adjusting. Adjusting to a virus that has us second guessing each move. A virus that takes its greatest toll on the elderly — in loss of life and in loss of emotional support.

As I have written before my mother is in a nursing home facility in Texas. A facility that’s 2000 miles from me. I was visiting once every couple of months but once this virus hit I have been unable to visit. The facility was locked down on March 12.

Since that time I noticed a decline in my mother’s health, her mental health and physical. Every phone call she ask when I’m coming to see her. Every phone call I tell her no one can visit because of the virus. Every phone call I tell her the virus is everywhere.

She began asking about different family members and saying she was worried about them. She would say things like, “I wonder if they’re dead. Are they dead?”

One person she asked about often was her cousin Gladys, they were as close as sisters. A few months ago I was talking to my mother on an early Sunday morning and she asked those questions about Gladys.

Gladys lives in North Carolina. Only six months younger than my mother she has no dementia and lives a full life. So that morning I called Gladys then called my mom back and set up a three-way call. They talked for 45 minutes laughed and giggled just like schoolgirls. It was so sweet and Gladys was so patient with my mother as she repeated the same questions over again. The questions were mostly about the present because the past my mother remembered fully.

Sadly yesterday, I learned that Gladys had passed away, a casualty of the COVID-19 virus. Such a great loss to her family. She full of energy, so loving and giving to all around her. I loved to hear her speak, her southern accent so much like my grandmother’s in the way she called me darling drawn out into a melodic – “Daah-lynn’.”

Now I am faced with a choice as to whether I should tell my mother. One side of me leans toward not telling her. Her mental decline has been so noticeably great since this lock down. The other side of me faces the same old question can I/should I lie when she ask about her?

After am e-mail exchange with the social worker, Christy, (she is an angel on earth) I decide I will not tell her. Christy tells me my mother has days when she will have a moment of clarity and remember the loss of her step-son earlier this year. She mourns all over again and it takes days for her to recover. Just deflect the question or tell her Gladys is fine. I have decided on the latter.

After all, Gladys is fine, she is more than fine. She is in the Heavenly realms with her maker and the lover of her soul. They will meet again one day.

Texas Full Day and Full Moon

On my home after another Texas trip. Two days with my Mom and all day Friday with Paulette for her birthday. Not a  fun night out dancing with with the girls but a day together reminiscing  about the past, talking about the future and appreciating each other and the blessings in our lives.  I found the lyrics to this song from the musical “Gypsy”. I think it should be our theme song.

“Wherever we go, whatever we do

We’re gonna go through it together

We may not go far, but sure as a star

Wherever we are, it’s together…

Wherever I go, I know she goes

No fits, no fights, no feuds and no egos

Amigos, together!

Through thick and through thin, all out or all in

And whether it’s win, place or show

With you for me and me for you

We’ll muddle through whatever we do

Together, wherever we go”

We started with breakfast at Denny’s, then massages in Athens ( the blackeye pea capital of the World) , detoured at pecan factory ( bought some jalapeño pecan brittle), steakhouse dinner, and a tour of the old Corsicana Opera House built in 1905. The highlight there, just so you know you are in Texas, was the disco saddle. Texas version of the disco ball.  The tour was suppose to continue around the old buildings in Corsicana with anecdotes, tales of the unexplained and history of the past. However Paulette’s shoe broke and after the underwhelming performance of the ghost in the basement of the opera house, we left.

AB962842-0A58-4694-A76A-0694A9EACE8EIt was beautiful out with a full moon and we went for a drink before calling it a night. I wanted to take her picture with moon in the background and every picture I took showed a cross through the moon. I was using my phone and have photographed the moon before but no matter how I tried to refocus it was there.

A good end to a Friday the 13th under a full Texas Moon.