New Mission in Life

I have just left Texas where I had to tell my mom that she could no longer live on her own. It has been a long time coming. For years she has refused to leave her home…she wanted to die there. After falls, midnight drives to nowhere, days of confusion, not a taking her medicine and finally falling and fracturing her pelvis, I have accepted that it is not safe and borders on neglect to let her stay there. I live 2200 miles away and have made 4 trips a year to help and try and manage from a distance.

A small Texas town she has lived for 45 years. She has a compassionate and caring doctor, friends and church family around her and the doctor told me it was best for her to stay in Texas.

A friend sent the link to this beautiful video last week, I just opened it. I am here alone at the office and tears are flowing down my face. A beautiful portrayal of the love between parent and child. I don’t know how well I’ve done, but I know I have tried to be the safe place my mom could fall.

It is an odd feeling. I am dismantling my mother’s life, her possessions, her accounts and her home while she is still living. We talked on Sunday and she told me she feels at peace, I hope and pray that is true. I have walked through every emotion, anger, frustration, sadness, confusion and resignation.

Last week when I was there, the local florist who we know very well, lost his mom. He told me that when he came to sit with his mom at night he would find my mom sitting outside her door at 1 AM praying and reading her bible.

I told my mom that God still has a mission for her.

https://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=11FMBFNU

A Hero to Many…

…especially to me. Although I am proud of him all the time, he is always willing to go the extra mile. I love him and he loves me and that’s the way it will always be.

Subject: Employee of the Month – February 2016 Importance: High

Congratulations to Detective A A for being chosen by staff to be the Employee of the Month for February 2016. You are being recognized for displaying great perseverance and determination in a missing person’s case that was originally from Oklahoma and involved a juvenile female who had started an on-line relationship with a 28-year-old male from Thornton.

Upon speaking to the juvenile’s parents, Detective AA obtained information that the mother and missing female were speaking over Facebook messages and verified that she was at a location believed to be within the City of Thornton. It was first thought that the juvenile was at the house of the mother to the male suspect. Upon speaking with the parents again, he had the mother ask for landmarks around where the female was staying and found out there was a 7-11 near the residence she was staying at. It was then (he) figured out that the (suspect’s) mother’s residence was near a 7-11. Upon initial contact at the residence the female occupant refused to let officers in and her story didn’t match up. After that a message from the juvenile was sent to the mother stating the police had been at the house she was located in and a search warrant was executed. The missing female was found inside the residence and reunited with her family.

Congratulations again on your well-deserved recognition.

Pattie Kay’s Day

PKBSt Patty’s Day is here again and that means only one thing… Yes, I’m gonna probably going to wear green and No, I’m not going to have green beer, but I am going to be thinking about my old friend all day.

It was in 3rd grade when I moved to a new elementary school across town that I met Pattie! My last name began with an ‘A’ and hers began with a ‘B’ so of course we always sat next to each other in class because in those days everybody was seated alphabetically. I often wondered about the people whose names begin with ‘W’ and they had to sit in the back of the class. Could they see well enough? Hear well enough? Somebody should do a study of people with A, B and C last names to see if they got better grades!

Pattie lived a little north of town and I lived even further north of town. I think the development she lived in was called Holly Hills and I loved it!!! Beautiful brick homes with and manicured lawns. The best part was at Christmas time, the whole neighborhood had the same decorations in their yards; it was a perfectly decorated winter wonderland… with no snow (south Texas). All the people living in Holly Hills put up big candy canes and lollipops in their front yards and they all had lights around all the roof-lines. It was beautiful, uniform and perfect.

Truth is I always used to envy Pattie, she had her own room, she was tiny and petite, pretty, an only child and it was always quiet in her home. We were also in the Girl Scouts together, my mother was a troop leader and we often did things together.

I left Texas just before the end of eighth-grade and moved to many different places but I never forgot my friend Pattie. Every year without fail, when St Patty’s Day rolled around, I would think of her; I wondered where she was and and how her life turned out.

In 1997 ‘Classmates’ had been around a few years and I joined. I searched what would have been my graduating class of 1974. Pattie was on there and I sent her an email. Months past, months became a year and I never heard anything from her. Then about a year and a half after I first wrote her, I got an email. She’d been without a computer for a while and had just gotten back online. It was the rebirth of something wonderful. We exchanged long emails and we had long talks on the phone. It was one of those weird things that you can be friends and not see each other for 30+ years and just take back up where you left off.

However, now our conversations were deeper and more meaningful. We shared are joys and sorrows of where life’s path had taken us. The grandiose life that I had a imagined Pattie lived, was just that… in my imagination. She, like a lot of us, had many wonderful moments and good times in life fringed with heartache and disappointments. The deeper conversations got, the more it became clear that our childhoods were also even more intertwined than we knew. My childhood perception of her perfect life behind the lollipops and candy canes was not reality.

So we stayed connected, sometimes months between calls and e-mails but always at Christmas, my birthday and always, always St Patty’s Day . One year on my birthday I got a card and inside were several pictures of the candy canes and lollipops in Holly Hills. On the back Pattie wrote, “Here Trish thought you’d like these.” Not quite as my childhood eyes remembered but a great gift just the same.

In 2006, we finally got together. Pattie came to Seattle we had a fabulous week together, we took the ferry to the islands, we toured Pikes Place market, we went to the glass museum, we shopped, and we talked… long talks.

The next year in 2007, a friend whose daughter had just moved to Texas, and I went to see Pattie in Seabrook/Kemah. She was living there and loved the laid back beach life, loved the people and breezy atmosphere near the water.

Pattie and I talked last in December 2007; she said life had been hectic, she had lost her mom earlier in the year.  She told me when things settle down would have a long talk. It was our last Merry Christmas to each other.  March 2008 came and I sent her birthday greetings on the  17th but heard nothing. St Patty’s Day past; I tried to call, I tried to e-mail, but could not reach her. my birthday nothing, Christmas 2008 nothing.  Then it was St. Patty’s Day again…2009 and I had not heard from Pattie in over a year.  I knew something was not right. I searched the internet, went back to ‘Classmates’ left her message, left messages with others that I knew she stayed in contact with…. nothing. After weeks of searching, I found her obituary online. Gone… far too soon.

Heartbroken but eternally thankful for the time we had reconnected and the fabulous week we spent together in Seattle.  We changed, but had not changed.  Our path crossed for a second time in life and we could see more clearly, with adult eyes and no misconceptions about what formed our bond.

So, here it is St Patty’s Day again… but it is really Pattie Kay’s Day and will be forever to me.

BEAR

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I love my little piece of paradise; it’s nestled in the tall trees, across the road from the river, at the base of Mount Si.

My yard is mostly wild, but some landscaping with flowers, bamboo and fruit trees. There is a little pear tree that produces, maybe, one pear a year and a crabapple tree that produces a bounty of tart little apples consistently year after year. Not eating apples for us humans, but over the years I have enjoyed watching the animals as they wonder through the yard enjoy the bounty from this little tree…rabbits, and raccoons, opossums (shudder), deer and the elk.
 

For a few years there was a deer with two fawns that would wander through and eat the fallen apples, after they were gone she’d try to reach for the ones on the low branches. One day Chris went outside and moved slowly towards the tree. Amazingly enough, the deer must have known what he had planned, because even though she moved away, she didn’t go far. Chris shook the tree lightly and a few apples fell. She moved back in with her fawns and ate them as Chris watched nearby. He moved closer, and she stayed closer, as he shook the tree again. This scene repeated itself many days over the next few weeks. Deer eating what had fallen to the ground, and patiently waiting as Chris increased the supply.

 Once the elk group, almost too small to call a herd usually 13 -20, came through the yard. There was a bit of a battle over the apples. Some of the larger elk could reach the apples on the low branches and the ones on the ground were being eaten by the others. When the large elk could find no more in the tree, he soon decided he would dominate the ones one the ground. He lowered his antlers and chased the others away. He’d go back to eating, then chase intruders again as they got close. Occasionally another elk would get a few before he’d get around the tree again.

Just a little side story here too. The elk eat my garden as well. They love daffodils, roses, bamboo, bulbs of any kind which they pull up by the roots and tomatoes. I resorted to having a patio of flowers and potted tomatoes but that did not deter Mr. Elk who we once caught on camera with his head and huge rack learning over onto the patio to get the newly ripened cherry tomatoes. Sigh… but the way I see it they were here first and they give me much more pleasure than they take.

So that’s how it would go, year after year, the little apple tree providing food for my forest friends and they providing enjoyment for me. It remained my little bit of paradise.

Then a few years ago, I noticed another forest creature was enjoying the fruit from the crabapple tree. Not that I saw it but because it left a nice little surprise outside my door. I used my “super tracker” instincts which told me it had been eating apples. It was Bear!

Mr (or Ms) Bear was not as sweet to have around. Yes the elk ate the roses, but Bear turned over the trash and Bear came onto the patio and dumped an entire kettle of peanut oil. Bear once dragged an entire bag of fertilizer onto the edge of the lawn and ripped it open; must have thought there would be a nice treat inside but was disappointed I am sure. One great benefit from that is that the weeds and blackberries grow beautifully there now. All the same, my mind was set to be more cautious of Bear and when he might be around.

So time goes on and last year the deer arrived on schedule as the apples began to fall. After a warm sunny summer, the tree was full of apples. Everything was as usual in my little corner of paradise, until one afternoon I returned home and found small broken limbs and leaves covering the ground under the apple tree. My first thought was that the elk were here trying to reach the lower branches but really didn’t think much beyond that. The next evening I returned home and my little apple tree was leaning over on the ground, uprooted, main branches snapped and the tree nearly destroyed! What on earth? I went to my security cameras and there it was — Bear!!

He had climbed my little apple tree to greedily get every apple he could. He ventured out onto the little branches near the top; they broke easily under his weight of probably 400 pounds or more. Then as he continued to climb, he uprooted my little tree and it fell over. After which, Bear, ate all the apples off the tree.

Sad, but after all he is a wild bear; he and his ancestors were here before me and my apple tree as well. Saddest part of all was that even though we propped the little apple tree back up and sealed the open wound from the broken branch (actually half the tree as it was broken at the “Y” in the trunk), my little apple tree did not produce fruit this year. Therefore, none of the wildlife benefited from its free fruit. All because Bear was greedy (or very hungry) and wanted more and more…he wanted it all. I know Bear did not have the conscious to know his greed; he was after all just a bear but his actions destroyed the food supply just the same.

Now I come to the real reason I am writing this story. This morning as I left for work, I looked over at my poor little apple tree and wondered how many years it would take for it to recover and produce its tart little crabapples again. I thought about Bear and his actions and wondered if there was an analogy here, a lesson to be learned. Whether it be the fish taken from the ocean, the fossil fuels, the trees downed in the rain forest or the way money is used and wasted in running the country. Does there come a time when it is discovered that we have destroyed the very thing that provides our needs because of our desire to want more, take more, and use more? Is it time to rethink the giving and taking? Should there be more thought about not taking more than we need just because it there and recognizing that at some point there will be nothing left to give? There is a provision to use and share, however, there should be an awareness and knowledge that unless there is planning and conserving, next year the cycle may not repeat and continued benefit for all, will be lost.

~ Oh September

Good night August and Good Morning September!

I Love September!  The last few warm days of Summer – cool crisp air in the mornings with that unique September scent. It reminds me of early morning walks to the school bus stop.

I love it because some of my favorite people were born in September – my grandmother, my Auntie, many of my “sisters” and me.

The new year is January 1st but September to me always seemed like a new start. Probably because it was the beginning of the school year and because my age ticked over another year but later in life I learned it is the beginning of God’s timetable for the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) which often begins in September. It makes sense now. It’s a time for a change, reassessing my life and purpose; turning my back on what’s behind and looking forward to the year ahead.

So Happy September everyone! Be blessed and enjoy

Views and Beliefs

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I am a person of faith and as such I am called to live by a certain set of standards. Anything below those standards is sin. Do I fail there? Yes, daily. Daily I am a failure and a sinner.

Now comes the difficult thing to explain to others who are respectable, responsible, moral, law abiding, loving friends, family and acquaintances who do not understand my views.

First of all, I do not presume to speak for God. He has set forth guidelines and commandments for living. These guidelines are for those who accept to follow. I do not believe I have to force these onto my neighbors, friends or family. These are not my rules but God’s rules given to his people.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. —Matthew 22:35-40.

So God’s commandment firstly, is to love him with all my heart, soul and mind. Secondly, love my neighbor… All my neighbors, not just my fellow believing neighbors. In that effort, “in as much as it is up to me, I will try to live in peace with everyone. ” Romans 12:18

In doing that do I agree with everything my neighbor does? No, not at all. In cases, where my neighbors’ lifestyle is contradictory to mine, I just do not engage. Where we have common ground, I enjoy and fellowship with them.

However, social issues that have been front and center the past few months appear to have forced a paralyzing wedge between my views and the views of some of you. Although, many are unaware because there is a fear to speak as the unspoken mantra is, “Accept this view. In fact accept and rejoice in it, or remain silent.” If not, you will be labeled a bigot.

So here is my view:

As a civil rights issue, equal rights to all, on a government level, I say let the government issue marriage licenses to all. If they are talking about marrying according to a state ‘ordained’ union then let the state do what the majority wants. However, I respect and honor the principals of God. So when it comes to forcing those views on churches or religious institutions, to go against their values, to perform God ordained marriages against their religious beliefs. that’s where I believe that freedom ends.

Why should they be demonized because they are holding their beliefs? Isn’t religious freedom one of the founding principals?

I have in my family, homosexuals and transgender individuals. I do not judge them, I do not force my faith or views on them. I love them, not whatever their lifestyle, beliefs or political causes may be. Hopefully they feel the same of me.

I do not even take a view of homosexuality as right or wrong. I do not have all the answers of what makes up the essence of who people are. My hope and prayer is that God has the answers and reasons for each of us; he knows each of us more intimately than we know ourselves and he is a just and loving God to all of his creation.

Now comes the paradox. I may find, among my believing friends those who will call me a heretic, and say I am living with a foot in both worlds. I am fallen away, not religious enough or simply misguided. I suppose by definition I could be one or more of those.

To them, I ask you pray for me, as it appears God has put in me a questioning spirit. I desire to be an example of God’s love as he leads me. My hope and prayer for myself is that it will all become clear and I will understand my own journey and trials one day.

I guess what I am asking is for the same respect all are asking; for tolerance of opposing views. I hear you and respect you; I ask only the same consideration in return.

19 June 2015 at 8:31

On the Wings of a Snow White Dove

White doves,  the symbol of peace, love, purity, gentleness and innocence.

That was Lovey Dovey.   We got her in 1998 from a young man who had been homeschooled and she moved to our home with our homeschooler.  She came with a mate and we built a dovecot beside our house for them to live.  However, the dangers of the wild are fierce and one summer evening while they were sleeping a hawk reached through the wire with his talons and grabbed her mate. He had also grabbed at Lovey Dovey but she managed to escape; her wing was injured but she was alive.

We brought her inside and nursed her back.  Her injured wing would always hang down but she could still flutter about.  She had a perch she would sit on as the boy did his schoolwork and she always was eager to coo in converse with anyone who would participate. The boy was particularly good at “Dovey Language.”

As time passed and the boy grew we spent less time at home, so Lovey Dovey came to live at the office.

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She was the calming force on many a tense day.  Everyone loved Lovey and would stop to say good morning or chat.  Over time everyone began to call her Birdie.

She loved the attention; people in the office would come and get her and let her sit at their desk while they worked.  She especially liked Howard.  Howard talked to her and even long after he retired, when he would come to visit Birdie would perk up at the sound of his voice.  It was love.

She was a fascination for children who would visit the office as she was so gentle; she would calmly rest on their fingers without a fuss and pose for photos with them.

Birdie had become the office mascot!

She was the star of a a video we produced for a Christian organization; as a symbol of God’s Peace.

Every year in November she would be posed in some elaborate photo shoot for the company’s  annual Thanksgiving card.  All in all she was a very good sport about it, although there were times things got a little crazy.  If someone had been taking pictures of me and Colleen as we cooed and tried to catch her attention to look this way or that, I am sure we would have made a comical video.

Birdie had been a little slow and quiet lately.  Getting on in years, she had been part of our family since 1998, but still last week she cooperated as we set her up for her annual photo shoot.

This morning we came in and it was apparent Lovey Dovey was going to leave us.  I picked her up and held her until she passed.

Even as she  passed there was a beauty and peace about her.  I imagined her flying up into a deep blue sky as if on her way to heaven.

She was all the things listed above and she was more; she was perfect.  Her wing was crippled, but she is soaring now.

Journeying

Journeying
26 July 2014 at 19:56
From July 22, 2013

I’m journeying on.

In the center –not the young, or the grown but in need, and not the old on their way to you but still journeying the in this world.

DSCN2621Life In the crossroads. laughing at where I’ve been, the joy and the wonders, the sorrow and the tears.

Knowing that, I question where to turn and what turns lie ahead?

Understanding I am weak and small.

Generations previous faced these same questions and cross roads.

Did they just keep putting right over left and walk life out to end … Or did they find the answers to all its meaning purpose?

Longing and desiring answers and directions — are we just a speck in massively expansive universe?

Am a I just a grain of sand on a massive beach where we are indistinguishable one another from the other? is there something unique and different on this small crystal?

Will life on earth be different, better or worse. because I was a speck on your beach?

Journeying on, trying to understand – but all I can do is love you till the end of my time.