life

Never Again

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In 1991, I visited Bergen-Belsen, a Nazi concentration camp near Celle, Germany. Although there were no gas chambers there, is estimated 36,000 people died there between 1943 and April 1945. On April 15th 1945, British troops liberated the camp. There they found 60,000 starving and deathly ill people in an overcrowded, unsanitary camp with a typhus epidemic spread throughout. These people, barely alive, were surrounded by the bodies of 13,000 who had recently died. The British, shocked and ill-prepared for what they found, attempted to control the spread of disease and help those that remained however, even with their best efforts, another 15,000 died after liberation. Of the many who died at Bergen-Belsen, the most well know were Margot and Anne Frank who reportedly died only weeks before liberation.

It was a cold February morning when I visited, it had snowed the night before, there were no footprints on the path, no others mourners had passed by. It was so quiet and surreal. Each step I took in the cold dry snow made a crunching sound that broke the silence like steps on shattered glass. As I walked among mass graves and memorials, I was struck by the peacefulness of the moment for a place where so many were tortured, starved and died from diseases and abuse. Near impossible comprehend such evil and hate.

My husband was with me on this journey to mourn and remember those who perished in this place. We both left with a deeper understanding of something that can never really be understood. It was sobering and it was that day a seed was planted in both our hearts to never forget the horrors of that time. It breaks my heart when people make comparisons to the Holocaust that diminish the overwhelming evil, torture, inhumane treatment and murder of an entire generation.

We say never again but antisemitism is on the rise worldwide today and sadly history has shown that hatred, although it kills, it does not die. Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day observed on the anniversary date of the liberation of Auschwitz. Today, I not only remember the 6 million Jews that were murdered during the Holocaust but I reaffirm my vow to speak out against antisemitism and hate ~ Never Again, Never Again this is my prayer.

Is Hate Winning?

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It seems the winds of hatred are still blowing and they are like flames that are destroying lives, faith and hope for the future. Some days it weighs on my heart more than other days, some days it seems as if evil is winning and that there is no longer any truth. All truth has been painted over with the lust for power. Some days I wish I could close my eyes go to sleep and not have to see anymore, hear anymore or care anymore.

Is Hate winning? Who is in charge of this mess? Who can we believe?

I don’t know if hate is winning. I don’t know who on earth is really in charge. Is there a group of elites that are playing chess with all our lives? I don’t know who on earth we can believe… so many lies, so much deceit, so much, so much.

What I do know is that God is in control. Whatever His plans we are not to know, we probably could not comprehend if we did know.

During the times I am feeling this way, I read Ecclesiastes. In this book written by Solomon, Israel’s King known for his wisdom nearly 3,000 years ago, he set out to understand life’s meaning and purpose, good and evil, wisdom and folly, and justice and injustice. In the end he concluded:

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

In Proverbs, which was also written by Solomon, it says;

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 10:12

Below is a short verse I wrote on Hatred in 2018. I keep reminding my myself how easily it can creep into my life. Praying for love that covers all and that hate is purged from my thoughts and actions.

Ten Days in PJ’s

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Happy New Year!

Heading back to work tomorrow after 10 glorious days off. Ten peaceful, stress-free days in my PJ’s.

I did not really plan to stay in my PJ’s for ten days but on Christmas day the snow started falling and by the next evening there was a foot of snow covering the ground. Son and daughter-in-law cancelled visit due to dangerous road conditions. So hubby smoked a turkey and we, for the first time in 40 years, had dinner alone and with me in my PJ’s.

On Monday, I was scheduled to return to work, but the snow was still falling and the boss (hubby) said not to bother coming in. I am feeling like a lazy sloth so I made a coffee, had a little breakfast, and in my PJ’s watched Netflix on the Behemoth from my bed aka my nest.

Just for the sake if not having to repeat myself here, I did shower and put on fresh PJ’s daily. I mean really, I am being lazy but I’m not a pig. To top off the day I ate leftover creamed spinach and dressing for dinner, also from my nest.

The next day I gathered all that work I had brought home on the 23rd spread it out all over my nest, propped my laptop on the pillow and finished the invoicing as I continued to binged watch movies. All that work tired me out so I then took a 2 hour nap. However, “note to self” working in one’s PJ’s is much less stressful.

Wednesday, still in my PJ’s, I run down to the front porch and take pictures of the snow. Back upstairs, I look out the window and see the elk herd. They look baffled by all the cold white stuff on the ground. They are hungry. They settled for plants, like the bamboo, that are normally on their “do not eat” list.

Thursday, I got a call that my mom’s favorite brother-in-law had gained his wings. Uncle Johnny, the last of his generation. Now with his lovely wife who went before him two years ago, my mom and his brother. Sad ending to the year but he was no longer happy here. I took a deep breath and shed some tears. I certainly am not getting out of my PJ’s today.

Friday, the last day of 2021. Still over a foot of snow and the temperature is in the low 20’s so it is not going away anytime soon. I did manage to do more than lay around and watch Netflix. I was expecting guests on New Year’s Day so I got up and cleared the dining room, put on a festive table cloth that has amber beads around the edge and vacuumed. I organized the meal ingredients ready for preparation tomorrow.

I am still worried about the roads as the snow had started up again. I make a mental note to let my friends know if they are worried about weather, I would understand if they canceled. No sooner does that thought cross my mind than I get an email from friends that they are not well and thought it better to cancel and not share germs.

So hey, time to relax. I start reflecting on a post from New Year’s in 2012, those thoughts end up as the last blog post in 2021. Hubby and I manage to stay up until midnight and cheer in the new year — with a little 7 up and Chambord. The fireworks start and we call it a night.

Along with the very hungry elk, here in the Pacific Northwest we have Anna hummingbirds that live here year round. We put out feeders even in winter, with the below freezing temperatures we bring them in at night put them back out early in the morning. Well, too much Chambord maybe because we forgot to bring them in last night and found this big frozen icicle in the morning. The hummers were not amused, I hear their chit-chit-chit from the nearby trees as I retrieve the frozen mess.

I prepared the traditional black-eye peas for lunch with a side of prime rib and potatoes. No guests, but hubby and I enjoy New Year’s feast together, again alone, for the first time in 40 years. The first time in my PJ’s as well. Good thing too because after that meal the food coma set in and I was forced to take a long winter’s nap.

If you have made it this far, I commend you. It is a long boring story but really, what did you expect from a title that states someone spent 10 days in their PJ’s?

I refuse to feel guilty. I needed this time to reset, 2021 was a tough year. I lost six friends this year and my mom but on the happier side I also became a great-grandmother. I managed, by the grace of God, to stay healthy even though I traveled quite a bit. I still have work, a home, food, transportation, family, and a drawer full of PJ’s. I am blessed.

Love Lifted Me

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I once wrote about whether serendipitous events were by coincidence or divine appointment and whether God can use any means to send specific messages. I believe an experience that touched my heart today is more than a coincidence and one of those times that God’s message was for me.

It started this morning when I posted this picture because today is six months since my mother passed. I woke up thinking of her and she has been on my heart all day and this evening.

In 2012, Chris and I took my mom to Israel with us; to say it was a challenge was an understatement. During that trip I realized how badly her dementia had become. Chris was a saint, because some days I lost my patience.

During the entire journey my mother sat behind me in the car and she hummed or sang the hymn “Love Lifted Me”. Over, and over again, for 10 days. I was convinced it was a power struggle and she was doing it just to spite me. Several times I tried to change the tune. I tried playing music on my iPhone (even gospel music which she loved) but “Love Lifted Me” continued. At some point and I don’t think I was very nice about it, I asked her to please stop.

This November I have been making a daily post about thankfulness and things in my life I am thankful for. I often start with a quote from wise people that have passed their wisdom down to us.

This day’s quote was, by Samuel Butler: “Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only. ”

Oh how true is that! I wrote about my heart that could be ugly and less than what God wants it to be. Reflecting back now I know, sadly some of days on that trip my heart was not where God wanted it to be.

So tonight I posted “Reflection of My Heart,”to my blog and logged onto Facebook to share it there. In my news feed were ‘suggested’ videos as usual and the first one up was Randy Travis singing “Love Lifted Me.”

Coincidence, I think not. I do not even own a Randy Travis CD, album or song. I picked a quote to write my “thankful” story without any particular situation in mind and my mother was on my heart because of the time since her passing. Three things came together today and combined they sent a message that struck deep in my soul.

Yes, I played the video of “Love Lifted Me” all the way through and my heart could hear my mom’s voice humming along in the backseat as we traveled through the Holy Land.

Here is the link. Randy Travis. Love Lifted Me

https://youtu.be/5KX-TnmSNqQ

Aloha Friday

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Today I am thankful it is Friday.

I am also thankful that I have a job but when the week winds down, I am especially thankful that for the next two days that I can rest. Well, not really rest insomuch that I do nothing, I have weekend chores but I am generally at my home and I find it a place of comfort and peace. It is a place away from the busyness of life and the noise of non-stop opinions and chaos. I don’t have to dress for the world, or put on a face for the world; I can just be me.

My sweet Becky often sends me an “Aloha Friday” text message. That phrase comes from the 1940’s when the Hawaiian clothing industry encouraged businesses to allow there workers to wear Aloha shirts on Friday. The trend hit the Bank of Hawaii when it’s President adopted it and allowed his workers to do the same. When the practice spread to the mainland it was known as casual Friday.

The Hawaiian Island Clothing Company says this about Aloha Friday, “Friday is more than just an opportunity to dress casually to work, it is a reminder to help others. It is our reminder to spread Aloha.“

And… according to the Skyline Hawaii Blog:

“Aloha is an essence of being: love, peace, compassion, and a mutual understanding of respect. Aloha means living in harmony with the people and land around you with mercy, sympathy, grace, and kindness.”

I can get behind all that… Aloha Friday everyone.

The End

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I’ve written nothing for weeks, it seems the only thing on my mind is our eventual end in this world. Death.

I feel like I shouldn’t write about it anymore but it has consumed my thoughts. I want to move on but after I lost my mom, my BFF lost hers only a few weeks later. Then two other friends followed the same sad path. We are all moving from one plane to another. Being daughters and caretakers to wondering what do we do now after we finish sorting through our mother’s belongings and closing down their lives.

What is the meaning of life if it just comes to an end and we are reduced to a few boxes of our treasures and we are remembered only by a few close loved ones?

Recently an older couple that owned the townhouse next to one we owned in Seattle, downsized and moved. Before they moved the husband asked if he could use our trash and recycling to dispose of some extra things. Of course I told him it would be OK. The next week I went to put some things in trash and inside the trashcan he had tossed a cat litter box and some folders in the bottom. I picked up one of the folders and it was his diploma from the University of Pennsylvania. The others similar diplomas representing accomplishments in his life. It really made me sad … is this what it comes down to – all that you worked for, all your goals in life are tossed out in the trash with a dirty old cat litter box? I wanted to rescue them for him, I wanted to preserve what he had worked for, his life’s achievements. It seemed so final, so futile. What is left, what is the purpose of it all?

As I think about all these things, I realize summer has past and winter is fast approaching. I look forward with dread, I dread winter… I dread the wind, the rain, the cold, the dead plants in the garden and the mess in my yard. My mood is already deep in winter. Can I just wake up tomorrow in Spring?

I know the answer. I must go through this winter, the one in my heart and the one outside. I am calling out to God, please Lord rescue me. Pull me through this season a of life and carry me to the end.

Weeds

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“What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I live near the foothills of the Cascade Mountains in Washington State. Today, July 27, is the 42nd day with no measurable rainfall. This is amazing for several reasons. One, this area gets an average of 66 inches of rain a year compared to Seattle, which is famous for its rain as it is its coffee, that gets only 38 inches. Two, the rain rolls in here and just lingers around the foothills dumping rain, rain and more rain. All this rain keeps the grass growing and the moss green.

During this 42 day dry spell, the grass has turn brown and is as dry bed of straw. However when I look across my lawn it is speckled with spots of green. Those green spots are the weeds. The drought conditions have killed everything —- what I don’t water dies, but the weeds seem to flourish even when conditions are dry, hot and harsh.

I did a bit of research on this phenomenon and it seems several things contribute to this; in dry conditions weed seeds are protected from bacteria and fungus that break them down which preserves them until the rains return. The other reason is that weeds have strong deep root systems that are successful in searching out the water deep in soil.

Weeds are survivors —- strong, with deep roots and their renewal systems are protected. I know some people that are like weeds, no matter what life throws at them they dig deep for the the water of life to give them the strength to face each new day. They store up the seeds of hope and joy, so that after they have survived the hot dry harsh circumstances, those seeds flourish in another season.

So as I look around my dead and dying lawn dotted with green blotches and I think I may prefer to be a weed. When life is harsh, I want to be a survivor and maybe, just maybe, I have virtues that are not yet discovered.

Thirty Days in Heaven

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June 23rd, it has been an entire month since you passed away and yet, you are not gone. You are in my dreams, every night. I am trying to change the outcome, trying to do something different, trying to think of what I missed, what if I had made different choices, the right choices. Did I make the right choices?

You are with me during the day. It seems everyday there is something I read, something I hear, something I smell that brings you alive in my mind. Words of wisdom, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” or “beauty is as beauty does’ or maybe just “God is so good.”

Saturday, Chris came home from the store with yellow crook-necked squash. Oh how I loved the squash casserole you would make with cheese, green chilies baked to a soft gooey consistency of mac and cheese except with a yellow vegetable.

I look in the mirror and I see you staring back at me. People would always say we looked alike but I never saw it as much as I do now. At your funeral, your dear friend Leslie came to me and said, “If ever a day you looked liked your mother, today is the day.” Is this how it is, from this day forward I am the living replica of who you were?

Yes, we look alike, but we were different in so many ways. I am more bling, you were more practical. You never painted your nails, never wore more makeup than lipstick. You loved cotton and white, from socks to undergarments and I know you never owned red knickers.

I am more outspoken and sass, you were more patient and kind. You had endless faith and mine often waivers. Your poetry is all about how much you love God and how good God has been to you; mine is about life and perceptions and thankfulness.

Because we lived so far apart, I think some days I don’t really realize you are gone. I get up and think you are there, in Texas sitting your recliner with Precious in your lap watching Andy Griffith in Matlock or listening to the Gaither family or reading your bible. You probably have a big glass of ice tea with lemon and will have a baked potato with lots of butter and cheese for lunch.

I will never have answers to the questions in my dreams. I know that you were suffering and that you would not have wanted to continue living that way. However, knowing does not, for now, end the doubt in my head.

I hope you have had a wondrous first month in heaven with your Lord. I know I teased you once because you loved artist depictions of Him and I said that you were going to get to heaven and not recognize Him. Your response, “OH YES I WILL” and I’m am sure you did. Have a fabulous day mother, and even though I was the “bossy one,” all my actions were done out of love.

Fairness in Life

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Is life ever really fair? With all the talk about equality and leveling the playing field, I wonder if that is ever really possible? There may be some areas that life can be made easier for some but every situation is different. Is it fate, circumstances or poor life choices that lead to the the unfairness we see in life?

Where does society step in to ease these inequities?

Is it fair that new parents have to bury their 8 month old who dies of leukemia? Is there social program to end their hardships?

Any illness not caused by lifestyle that strikes the young is more than unfair. Childhood diabetes relies on costly insulin for survival. How do we compensate for their hardships?

Is it fair that a tender age girl is abused and her childhood is stolen? Can society do anything to change what she lost?

Is it fair that a person works their entire life gives to others and then is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s spend their twilight years just existing? No joy, no understanding of life around them.

Is it fair for an infant to be born into poverty and an addictive mother? Can they overcome this difficult start and prosper in life?

What we may deem as unfair, our minor little day-to-day annoyances, are really nothing at all to compared to the many who know real suffering in the world. For them, I would say life really does not seem to be fair.

When I was in my twenties I knew a lady, Anita, who was in her 60’s and she shared this nugget on life and fairness with me. “ Life is not fair, however if we all hung our troubles on a clothesline for everyone to see and we were given the opportunity to choose a line of troubles —- we would return to our own line.”

Many times over the years I have thought of her and her simple wisdom. In life we all face obstacles and hardships.

The most successful people I know that overcome the obstacles in life are those who keep going. They work hard, they get up even when it is hard, they change the things they can — they don’t quit.

So often we do not know the burdens people are carrying but think of those you do know. List your troubles and imagine you had theirs. Would you trade?

All is not fair or equitable in this life; yet life is a gift. Live it.

Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 – ESV

Life Will Find a Way

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I came across this photo I took on this day three years ago. It is a picture of a tiny fern growing underneath a concrete ledge.

The amazing thing about this fern is that the ledge where it is growing is on the 47th floor of the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle, 449 ft above the city.

At the time I took this photo, I was struck by the ability of such a small plant to take root and grow in a thin crack of concrete. How far and how high did the spores need to travel to reach this lofty height and settle in? No fertilizer, no special care or tending just sun and rain. I know rain seems to be in abundance in Seattle but this fern had most likely rooted during the warm summer. Did it sustain itself from the fog and warm moist ocean air that came in from the Puget Sound? How exactly did it find that “one spot” to lodge itself, take root and hold on in the winds that blow in off the water that are aided and strengthened by the effects of the Olympic Mountains? The answer, only my conclusion and insight here; Life and the will to survive is strong and even a fern finds a way to carry on.

It is a promising sign that even in the harshest circumstances life will find a way to thrive. Living in this time of lockdowns and corona virus where many are afraid for the future. Take heart because just like this little fern, growing under the ledge on the 47th floor of the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle, we will find a way to adapt and persevere even though it’s not always easy.

Birthdays and New Life

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Birthdays and the accompanying wishes are designed to boost us into the new year recharging us with an overwhelming amount of love and encouragement. ~ trish

Another birthday gone by and as with many before I am bolstered with a happy heart full of love from all the love that has been poured into my life.

This year, I am especially grateful for a birthday that falls at the end of the year because, you know, what a crazy year it has been. Just when my spirit was feeling faint, I was sent showers of blessings by way of phone calls, texts, FB posts, cards and balloons. These were all sent with their own special message from friends and family.

I have spoken before about September and how it has always seemed a new beginning to me. It was beginning of the school year, my age ticked over another year and later in life I learned it is beginning of God’s timetable for the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) which often begins in September.

This year my birthday fell within the Ten Days of Awe (or Repentance) which are the the first ten days of the month of Tishri. It begins on Rosh Hashanah and ends on the holiest day in the Jewish calendar Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. These days are days for reevaluating how one lives day to day, repenting for misdeeds and a time of self introspection to weed out the sin and behaviors that fall short of God’s plan for life. Today, I am determined to make changes, to reassess my life and purpose.

This year more than ever there is a need to forgive ourselves, forgive others, turn our backs on sin and hate, and look forward to the new life and year ahead.

This year, once again, I am loved and encouraged. I am also thankful, always thankful because life is a gift.

Gladys

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Sharing a verse from 1978 written by my mother about her cousin Gladys. It is about a person that loved her through a time of loss and change.

In tribute to Gladys 12/31/33 – 8/23/20

GLADYS

Once, so many years ago; a time came in my life: a time of change-

    A change of place, a change of face, a change of family came into my life –

Once so many years ago; once so many years ago I gained a sister in my life-

    Not a REAL sister – in that way-I wasn’t blessed, once so many years ago.

This sister that I did acquire, once so many years ago, was truly of the family,

    The family kind; because as close as we could come was through our mothers,

Once so many years ago; For 14 years we did not know, this sister of mine-

    We did not know that such a closeness, a love, a kindredship could exist.

Once so many years ago.

Sometimes I wonder as I think back on once so many years ago, if there might –

    Just might have been some unspoken thoughts between us two; so many years ago,

Unspoken thoughts that may have said—I don’t want you here—you intrude—intrude

    On me and my family – go away – Did she think these things, many years ago?

Once so many years? If she did – she didn’t say – didn’t say these things out –

    Out loud to me, once so many years ago.  We fussed, we played, we grew,

We fell in Love ( Oh! How many times?) Once so many years ago. 

    Such great, great things. Great things as we plundered through the years,

Once so many years ago.

Once so many years ago, 14 can seem so old, so old we really thought we were,

    Once so many years ago—we thought we knew just everything, just all the-

The world was at our feet — boy we were really dumb, once so many years ago.

    Once so many years ago? Ha! Have we ever changed? This “sister” and l –

Have we changed from once go many years ago? This “sister” is my cousin, my

    Cousin, or did you know? This cousin that I loved so dear, so many years ago!

No we haven’t changed from once so many years ago—we haven’t changed, but years,

    Years have changed, changed us both, we’re not as near as once so many years ago.

But, Love? Yes love is there—is there any doubt it’s so? Any doubt it would not—

    Would not live—from once so many years ago? Oh yes – it lived, it lived and

And even grew – grew into a different kind of love from once so many years ago.

    We don’t climb trees, or run through orchards, or eat ice cream brunches,

Like once so many years ago. Or even sit on top of the bunk beds and play rummy —

    Yes, for hours, once so many years ago. There are so many things that over,

Over, over the years we’ve out-grown, since once so many years ago.  When we —

    When we were only 14, only 14, so many years ago and thought the world was ours.

Once so many years ago, are days l won’t forget, wouldn’t want to even If I could—

    Could forget those years – those years before we grew so fast and grew away—

Away each other in miles, in miles but never in thoughts, in miles but— 

    But once in a while. not often, but once in a while—a letter, a talk, a talk,

Once go many years ago – I had “sister-cousin” — once so many years ago, and yet

     Tho’ oh so many years have passed, I have that sister still—to share our—

Our thoughts, our loves, our disappointments, our sorrows, our plans for things–

    For things yet to come, to come to our children, things that maybe we missed.

We missed once so many years ago —Missed?  Us? No we didn’t miss out-out on any –

    On anything once so many years ago, because I had a sister to love and who–

Who loved me in return, even tho’ it was never said; said outloud, but still —

   Still was there and is today, the love, I have for her, Gladys, this sister –

Whom I love today and never see, oh, seldom, yes but

   Not like once so many years ago, when 14 was  just

Just the age to be — with Gladys

Once so many years ago.

HPVHA 2-16-78

Unclear Vision

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2020 Vision
A perfect sight they say
But this year
That is 2020
Didn’t turn out that way.

Winter’s end turned to spring
And started with great hope,
Sadly spiraled downward,
When people started buying
All the TP and soap.

The virus that at first
We were told was not a worry,
Soon showed it had a deadly side.
The future became uncertain
More crazed, weird and blurry.

The message came,
Fifteen days to slow the curve.
With lockdown it was slowed
But days grew into months
Which cause many to unnerve.

Keeping a six foot distance
Our faces fully masked,
Lest we make a human touch.
Following all the protocols
Doing what was asked.

One tragedy upon another
A murder lit a fuse
Protests turned to violence
Lawlessness arose
The situation to abuse

Phases of reopening
Now we’re into summer
This has become a waiting game
And this year of 2020
Is thus far a real bummer.

2020 Vision
Is always better in hindsight.
Knowing what we know today,
We wonder
If all choices were exactly right.

Hopefully by year’s end
We’ll see the past more clearly
With empathy and wisdom
Not taking for granted
All the freedoms we hold dearly.

Trish © 8/4/20

 

America’s Brotherhood

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Today is day number 183 of the year with 183 days left; half way through this year 2020. I want to believe that everyday for the rest of the year will not be tragedy among tragedy but I do not have any real hope we will make it through the coming weekend without the world falling into an abyss.

It is as if we are in an altered universe. For the past few years there has been a pot of continuously simmering hot water. With Covid19, the noodles (us) were thrown in the pot and now the foam is bubbling over the top. The noodles in the pot are done but the heat will not turn down until we break apart.

Independence Day weekend is upon us, I will be praying for the first responders more fervently than ever as I fear many people will use the holiday to create further mayhem and destruction.

We are standing on the dividing line. It’s time for the rest of us to stop being noodles, remove the pot from the fire before it is too late, stand up and show our brotherhood and outshine the hate.

“ America, America God shed his grace on thee;
And crown thy good with brotherhood,
From sea to shining sea”

img_3963

 

They Are Precious in His Sight

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Can I love all people without bowing allegiance to BLM?

Does it make me a racist because I do not agree with the precepts of that organization?

I will never support BLM. However, I do support my neighbors, friends and fellow human beings regardless of the color of their skin.

If you are hungry, I will help feed you; if you are homeless, I will help shelter you; if you need a friend to talk to, I will listen.

I will not follow the crowd for one day and think it will make a difference in the world. What does change the world is living every day with compassion and care for the others. I cannot help everyone in the world but can help the one in front of me.

At the same time, I will not apologize for the color of my skin. I was formed by God and although my skin color may have not been an impediment for me, I had my fair share of trials and struggles in my youth. Things, that although unfair, brought me to where I am today. Those experiences gave me a greater compassion for the weak and helpless. When I look at people, I try to see their hearts, the color of one’s skin is not a factor in how I feel about a person. I try to see them as God sees them.

The simple Sunday School song from my childhood taught me all I needed to know. Listed by colors the meaning is clear, every race, every person, no matter their skin tone… “they are precious in his sight…” All people are precious, all are valuable.

Finally, my silence or decision not to join the BLM movement does not make me a less accepting or a less compassionate person. I have never been a follower of popular movements and there just seems something unsettling about the hate being spewed with this one  

Love yourself no matter the color of your skin. Love your neighbor no matter the color of their skin. Listen to others, help others, love others.

My decision to not join, you label as silence and you say it is violence. My silence is not violence. My silence is living my beliefs. My silence is peace. My silence is love.

ANEVER

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I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

F037A17D-F786-411C-98D8-651EAA0EE950

I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

I Found a Nickel

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Recently the AC unit was replaced at our office; a very old unit it still chugged along but no longer efficient.  A80AD951-E1D4-407D-BBBA-06B6B34BAB26The new unit was relocated to the back of the building leaving a concrete pad on the side of the building. After the work was done and the unit hauled away, I walked by the pad and noticed a dark circle on the pad. I reached down to pick it up and found it was a nickel; an almost black discolored nickel.

I tried to rub away enough tarnish to see the date but it was not easy to read. Finally in the light I see it is stamped 1980.  I thought, not really so old for it looked like it had been there 100 years. Then I realized that although it did not seem that old it had been there forty years —- forty years just hiding under the AC unit as the world and time moved forward.

This nickel in it’s shiny new condition was cloaked from the light when Ronald Reagan was elected the 40th President of the United States, November 4,1980. There in 1981, when the AIDS virus was first identified. In 1982, when I met my husband of the past 37 years which was long before I ever set foot in this little town, it was there.

Unseen in 1985 when the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl exploded sending 8 tons of nuclear reactive material into the atmosphere.  It remained hidden in 1986 when the shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after launch.  There in 1988 when a PanAm 747 exploded from a terrorist bomb that sent it crashing  to the ground in Lockerbie, Scotland.

Concealed in 1989 when the Berlin Wall came down and in December when the Romanian uprising overthrew the Communist government just days before my youngest son was born at the University of WA Medical Center.

It had possibly lost some luster in 1991 but it made no movement as the Soviet Union broke up after President Gorbachev resigned.  In that same year my oldest son was nearly killed in a motorcycle accident.  In 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected president and when my middle son graduated high school just a few miles away it remained sheltered from sight. It was there one year later as the same son was wounded in Somalia during the Battle of Mogadishu, on October 3, 1993.

Fast forwarding through the rest of the 90’s – wars in Serbia, Croatia, and at home in Oklahoma City. OJ killed his wife and the president cheated on his.

When the world entered the new millennium this nickel was now 20 years old.  In 2000, I technically became the owner of this hidden coin as we purchased the building with it’s old AC and it’s hidden coin that remained safely beneath.

This nickel stayed in the dark through the darkest days of 9-11 in 2001. There as the younger Bush became president and we went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan.   It remained as as dictators were ousted from power or died… Saddam, Arafat, Milosevic and many other men who’s hearts were set on evil.

In 2009 Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States.  In the middle of Obama’s years my world was rocked by my own personal tragedies as my youngest son was diagnosed with IBD, underwent 5 surgeries and spent weeks and months in the hospital and ICU after several life threatening events. Through all this, a nickel now tarnished and black lay hidden.

There have been many changes in the world in those 40 years.  I didn’t think this nickel was so very old but in the time it lay undiscovered under the AC unit it had aged and tarnished just as much as we had as we found our way through the last forty years.  As much as things changed they have stayed the same. There is still war and unrest in the world, people no matter how much they talk about peace can’t even make peace with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It seems there is a greater desire to be right than to find common ground.

I found a nickel and it spoke to me

Patsy Cats

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File this under, “Crazy things you do.”

I am up at 2AM perusing Ebay for kitty cat pins.   My mom, Patsy, is/was a Texas cat lady extraordinaire. She always had a cat on her lap, in addition she had shelves full of figurines, teapots, cookie jars, bookends and every sort of ceramic cat thing ever made. Mostly all gifts from her friends, kids and grandkids that knew she would “just love them.”

Last year I shared about my mom’s dementia and fall which lead to her being unable to live on her own. I shared about the difficulties of clearing her house. Trying to treat her treasures with respect and knowing I could not keep everything. I took a few cats figurines, my sister took a few, I gave some “Patsy Cats” to her friends, I brought some back to Washington and gave to my friends who had met my mom.  “Patsy Cats” were re-homed around the country yet many remained that in the end we donated to charity. It was heartbreaking to dismantle my mother’s possessions and treasures but it had to be done.

When the doctor told her she would not be able to live on her own, my sister and I went out to her house and picked up a few treasures to decorate her room. A book shelf, pictures and several cats to put on the shelves. In addition to all the cats mentioned above, my mom also had a large collection of kitty cat brooches. She had them on her sweaters and blouses and never left the house without being adorned with a golden cat pin. When we were at her house, I found a small metal box, when I opened it I found full of all her brooches.  There were at least 20 in there plus all the ones we found still pinned on her sweaters she probably had 40 or more. I took them to her at the home, at least she could have all of these.

Now comes the sad and tragic bit. My mom has been in the nursing home a little over year now and all the pins are gone.  A few months ago my sister was going to put one on her sweater as she was taking her to lunch and she couldn’t find the box. She told the staff that her box was missing and they did a search. They found the it in a ladies room next door but only one pin inside. You cannot get angry because like my mom, this lady doesn’t comprehend what is going on.  Matter of fact, she insisted that the box was hers.  The pins? They could not be found. Are they hidden around the care facility somewhere? Did she give them away? We do not know.

8BA74499-CFE9-4BFD-A796-E8064664AAF5So here I am at 2AM searching Ebay for kitty cat brooches. I thought these things weren’t so much valuable as they were treasures, but apparently not. They are anywhere from 5-30 dollars or more. So I bought five, a couple were similar to ones she owned.  I am going to bring them to her when I go down to Texas next month. Whether she realizes she has lost so many is hard to say, but when she sees these she will “just love them!”

Thanksgiving

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I love Thanksgiving!

A truly American Holiday that transcends all beliefs. A day we can all participate in regardless of our background or religious affiliations. Being thankful seems like such an easy task yet so often fall short.

This morning I am remembering many Thanksgiving days past. Ones from my childhood with my Grandfather, Wallace VH. He was bigger than life and made sure our plates were never empty. He also ate dessert first! I think today pie will be my first choice. Those dinners also included my Uncle Wm always loud and boisterous, he made us laugh, and my Aunt Barbara who I admired so much. She was the Martha Stewart before Martha. They have all moved to heavenly realms but the memories and memories of those special Thanksgivings,  will always live in my heart.

The first Thanksgiving Chrissie and I had together, Chris got up from the table and made a plate for Lucy my little dog. A tradition that went on for the rest of her years.

Multiple Thanksgivings over the past 20 years included many sweet friends that have all moved on to new places and stages in life. At home in Snoqualmie, one year we filled the dining room and living room with a super extended table. I think there were 17 of is that years from 2 months old to ninety. Although we are miles apart these days, those days, and those Thanksgiving memories, welded us a family that God organized and knitted together.

The grand to the simple. For several years when Josh was young, we celebrated in Hawaii at the Old Sugar Factory, warm breezes and the fragrance of flower leis around our neck did make us feel like we were in paradise. In 2014 our Thanksgiving dinner was a turkey sandwich in that same son’s hospital room. To say we were thankful for the blessings and miracles that year doesn’t express the full extent of our gratitude.

Finally, this year is the third year I am able to return to Texas and celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom and Paulette at the American Legion in Corsicana, TX.  Back in the day my mom and her husband could put on a spread fit for royalty. They were both extremely good cooks. I remember all the favorites my mom would make and I have never been able to duplicate; southern cornbread stuffing, ambrosia, sweet potato pie and the best squash casserole anyone ever tasted. Once, I reminded my mom of that casserole and how she made the best fried chicken fried on the stove in a cast iron skillet. She said, “Those days are long gone.”

Yes, those days are long gone, but the memories will last forever.

One day, I will look back on these Thanksgiving dinners at the American Legion and be thankful I had these days with my mom and create a new set of memories. Life progresses forward and the foods, scenes and people may change but one thing remains the same: We have so much to be thankful for.

Appointed Time

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4A403F71-69CB-412E-9EAF-F503AB6E5204Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. It is demonstrated to me again this year in my Thanksgiving cactus. It is possibly 25 or more years old and it is large. It needed a larger pot years ago, I sometimes forget to water it, and yet every year it blooms at its appointed time  

On a larger scale the day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.