I have just left Texas where I had to tell my mom that she could no longer live on her own. It has been a long time coming. For years she has refused to leave her home…she wanted to die there. After falls, midnight drives to nowhere, days of confusion, not a taking her medicine and finally falling and fracturing her pelvis, I have accepted that it is not safe and borders on neglect to let her stay there. I live 2200 miles away and have made 4 trips a year to help and try and manage from a distance.
A small Texas town she has lived for 45 years. She has a compassionate and caring doctor, friends and church family around her and the doctor told me it was best for her to stay in Texas.
A friend sent the link to this beautiful video last week, I just opened it. I am here alone at the office and tears are flowing down my face. A beautiful portrayal of the love between parent and child. I don’t know how well I’ve done, but I know I have tried to be the safe place my mom could fall.
It is an odd feeling. I am dismantling my mother’s life, her possessions, her accounts and her home while she is still living. We talked on Sunday and she told me she feels at peace, I hope and pray that is true. I have walked through every emotion, anger, frustration, sadness, confusion and resignation.
Last week when I was there, the local florist who we know very well, lost his mom. He told me that when he came to sit with his mom at night he would find my mom sitting outside her door at 1 AM praying and reading her bible.
I told my mom that God still has a mission for her.
“Sometimes you choose to forgive people simply because you still want them in your life” … and sometimes doing so is futile because when you are dealing with mental illness or shear toxic self-absorbed behaviors there is no reconciliation, no peace, no harmony.
Emyloom ~ Words Woven Within My Heart 