journeys

Love Lifted Me

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I once wrote about whether serendipitous events were by coincidence or divine appointment and whether God can use any means to send specific messages. I believe an experience that touched my heart today is more than a coincidence and one of those times that God’s message was for me.

It started this morning when I posted this picture because today is six months since my mother passed. I woke up thinking of her and she has been on my heart all day and this evening.

In 2012, Chris and I took my mom to Israel with us; to say it was a challenge was an understatement. During that trip I realized how badly her dementia had become. Chris was a saint, because some days I lost my patience.

During the entire journey my mother sat behind me in the car and she hummed or sang the hymn “Love Lifted Me”. Over, and over again, for 10 days. I was convinced it was a power struggle and she was doing it just to spite me. Several times I tried to change the tune. I tried playing music on my iPhone (even gospel music which she loved) but “Love Lifted Me” continued. At some point and I don’t think I was very nice about it, I asked her to please stop.

This November I have been making a daily post about thankfulness and things in my life I am thankful for. I often start with a quote from wise people that have passed their wisdom down to us.

This day’s quote was, by Samuel Butler: “Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only. ”

Oh how true is that! I wrote about my heart that could be ugly and less than what God wants it to be. Reflecting back now I know, sadly some of days on that trip my heart was not where God wanted it to be.

So tonight I posted “Reflection of My Heart,”to my blog and logged onto Facebook to share it there. In my news feed were ‘suggested’ videos as usual and the first one up was Randy Travis singing “Love Lifted Me.”

Coincidence, I think not. I do not even own a Randy Travis CD, album or song. I picked a quote to write my “thankful” story without any particular situation in mind and my mother was on my heart because of the time since her passing. Three things came together today and combined they sent a message that struck deep in my soul.

Yes, I played the video of “Love Lifted Me” all the way through and my heart could hear my mom’s voice humming along in the backseat as we traveled through the Holy Land.

Here is the link. Randy Travis. Love Lifted Me

https://youtu.be/5KX-TnmSNqQ

Reflection of My Heart

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Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.

~ Samuel Butler


I have to say this quote, at first, made me chuckle. I try to avoid mirrors as most days I don’t even recognize the person staring back at me… some days she is just an old lady and other times I see my mother.

After my initial amusement, I thought about the true depth of this quote and it cuts right to the truth of the condition of our human nature. Deep down I have nothing to brag about. When I examine my heart, I recognize my dark thoughts, my pride, my self-centered actions, and the many other ugly things that hide beneath the surface. Thank God that I do not see the blackness in my heart every time I look into a mirror.

Jeremiah 17:9 NIV says. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

It is hard to understand the evil that men do; I struggle to understand the things I do at times that I know displeases God. However, I am thankful that God knows me, he examines my heart and He can lead me, renew His spirit in me and help me walk in His ways and live a life that glorifies Him.

Who can understand it? God can. He understands it, He can change it, He can heal it.

Psalm 139: 23-24 NASB ~ Search me, God, and know my heart; Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Psalm 41:10 BSB ~ Create in me a pure heart, oh, God, and renew your right Spirit within me.

Ezekiel 36:26- ~ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you and bring it about that you walk in My statutes, and are careful and follow My ordinances.

Thank you Lord.

Thanks for Photo by Taylor Smith on Unsplash

God Joins Hearts

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Thankful for family… those connected by blood and those connected by heart. You’ve heard the saying that blood is thicker than water but I say that when God joins two hearts, the bond is stronger than blood.

Without getting too deep into the crazy mix of my family, I want to say I am so thankful for the family God has added to my life.

One of these family members is Karen. Karen is actually married to my ex who is also my step-brother. In the past introductions were a little awkward (once we looked at each other like…what do I call you?) but now it is truer and easier to say she is my sister-in-law but really better yet a sister. A sister that came into my family when I needed it most.

Karen joined my family circle in a crisis. We first met when my oldest son was in the hospital after a near-fatal motorcycle accident 30 years ago. She was a supportive then and has stayed a source of strength and comfort through many highs and lows over the years.

Over the years, we went to graduations, we saw a son go to war, we attended weddings and funerals and welcome grandchildren. In 2018, she put in three long days in Texas helping us clean out our parent’s house. A task above and beyond any obligation or call of duty. We had many moments of laughter and it surely took a saint to work through more than 40 years of clutter and dust.

Throughout this difficult year Karen stood by us all as we said goodbye to mother. Not just my mother but her mother-in-law and the mother who loved her, her husband and his sister more than any mother could love a son or daughter.

My mom told me one once that Karen told her we were “buds.” Yes, we were, but we are more than buddies and friends, we became family and we will remain family to the end.

Today is Karen’s birthday. Happy birthday Karen. We met just before your 34th birthday and you have proven to be an amazing gift and blessing in my life.

Fairness in Life

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Is life ever really fair? With all the talk about equality and leveling the playing field, I wonder if that is ever really possible? There may be some areas that life can be made easier for some but every situation is different. Is it fate, circumstances or poor life choices that lead to the the unfairness we see in life?

Where does society step in to ease these inequities?

Is it fair that new parents have to bury their 8 month old who dies of leukemia? Is there social program to end their hardships?

Any illness not caused by lifestyle that strikes the young is more than unfair. Childhood diabetes relies on costly insulin for survival. How do we compensate for their hardships?

Is it fair that a tender age girl is abused and her childhood is stolen? Can society do anything to change what she lost?

Is it fair that a person works their entire life gives to others and then is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s spend their twilight years just existing? No joy, no understanding of life around them.

Is it fair for an infant to be born into poverty and an addictive mother? Can they overcome this difficult start and prosper in life?

What we may deem as unfair, our minor little day-to-day annoyances, are really nothing at all to compared to the many who know real suffering in the world. For them, I would say life really does not seem to be fair.

When I was in my twenties I knew a lady, Anita, who was in her 60’s and she shared this nugget on life and fairness with me. “ Life is not fair, however if we all hung our troubles on a clothesline for everyone to see and we were given the opportunity to choose a line of troubles —- we would return to our own line.”

Many times over the years I have thought of her and her simple wisdom. In life we all face obstacles and hardships.

The most successful people I know that overcome the obstacles in life are those who keep going. They work hard, they get up even when it is hard, they change the things they can — they don’t quit.

So often we do not know the burdens people are carrying but think of those you do know. List your troubles and imagine you had theirs. Would you trade?

All is not fair or equitable in this life; yet life is a gift. Live it.

Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 – ESV

Rogelio, My Friend

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It was a drizzly grey day outside today. Rogelio showed up at 7 AM to do a fall clean up of my yard.

We met Rogelio 18 years ago. He had a house in the next town over that was built near abandoned coal mines and he needed an analysis done which our company did for him. Through the process he let us know he did side jobs landscaping, so as we had 3.5 acres of yard to care for, we hired him to help us.

Rogelio has so many amazing qualities the at the top of the list is his skill to turn the mess of my yard into a woodland paradise. He cleared the beds, he created rock gardens, trimmed the shrubbery, edged the lawn and he with his sons would more in 8 hours than I could accomplish in months.

I have always told people that Rogelio got all the credit for the beauty in my garden.

Rogelio has shared many other talents with us. He has helped build fences, helped haul away junk, polished concrete floors, updated and installed lighting, laid patio bricks and the list could go on and on. He has always been willing to help in any way. He would see something that needed attention, set a proposal for getting it done and get it done he would.

He is a man with a natural God-given wisdom. He believes hard work is the key to happy life.

Rogelio would say that the struggles of life makes you strong and gives you a will to live. “Man has to fight for life.”

Yep, this is a just out-of-bed uncombed hair photo. Not everyone gets to see me like this!

Through the years we have gotten to know each others families. We have shared our common concerns for our aging parents, his father and mother in Mexico, and my mother in Texas.

A few months ago he showed up at the house on a Saturday morning with a bottle of Tequila he brought back from Mexico. As you can see below it was no regular bottle of the Tequila. It was a massive big bottle. He told Chris he had been in Mexico helping people, he had brought money and supplies to family and friends. He said that helping others was something he learned from Chris. Always be generous and you will always have more to share. Humbling.

As the years have gone by we all have aged. Rogelio’s hair has a tinge of gray now but he still works as hard as he did in his 30’s. He showed up at 7AM this morning and worked until 3. A long day in the drizzling rain and in the end the yard was beautiful and ready for winter. I asked if it was getting to be too much for him, he says not. He loves the serenity of this place and being outdoors. Before he left, we visited a while. We talked about our families, the virus and the measures we are all taking to stay safe. We thanked him, he thanked us.

This is Rogelio my friend. He makes my garden beautiful and I am thankful for him.

Casting Cares

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This post came up in my Facebook memories from 10 years ago.

“Abba Father, thank You for walking with me in every season of life. Today, I cast all of my cares on You.”

Today I am still casting my cares on Him.

Last Tuesday I got a call that my mother was at the hospital. She had a blockage in her left peripheral artery and there was no blood flow to her leg. There was some discussion about her age, 87, and whether we should move ahead with surgery or say goodbye. The decision to do surgery would depend on the vascular surgeons assessment.

The surgeon called me at midnight Tuesday and told me he thought he could help her, but there were many risks and pitfalls along the way. She might not survive the procedure, they may not be able to restore blood flow below her knee which would bring a new set of problems and a host of other issues.

The decision was not hard for me, although she has dementia, she had still been moving around the nursing home being a wisecracker and spreading joy. I wanted to give her a fighting chance.

I arrived on Wednesday and she was in the ICU – it appeared that the blood flow was completely restored all the way to her toes but the first couple of days it waivered a few times and her heart was in Afib.

Today, they are moving her back to rehab. She cannot move her leg or toes and she has no sensation but pain and cold even though her foot is warm.

The doctor who saw her Tuesday night said he is amazed at how well her leg is doing. Best outcome for blood flow return he has ever seen. As far as no feeling in that leg (except for the pain) and inability to move it that will take time and physical therapy for that to return.

My sister and I are going to follow the ambulance back to the nursing and rehab facility and give her lots of love and kisses before she goes back inside. She will be in quarantine for 14 days.

I know the day will come when I will say my last goodbye, but it wasn’t this time and it’s not today.

This picture was the day after surgery and she had let me braid her hair. I took a picture today and she stuck her tongue out so you know that sass is back!

❤️ A multitude of thanks to the vascular surgeon Dr Helmer and his kindness. As well as all the staff at Ascension Providence Hospital in Waco.

Birthdays and New Life

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Birthdays and the accompanying wishes are designed to boost us into the new year recharging us with an overwhelming amount of love and encouragement. ~ trish

Another birthday gone by and as with many before I am bolstered with a happy heart full of love from all the love that has been poured into my life.

This year, I am especially grateful for a birthday that falls at the end of the year because, you know, what a crazy year it has been. Just when my spirit was feeling faint, I was sent showers of blessings by way of phone calls, texts, FB posts, cards and balloons. These were all sent with their own special message from friends and family.

I have spoken before about September and how it has always seemed a new beginning to me. It was beginning of the school year, my age ticked over another year and later in life I learned it is beginning of God’s timetable for the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) which often begins in September.

This year my birthday fell within the Ten Days of Awe (or Repentance) which are the the first ten days of the month of Tishri. It begins on Rosh Hashanah and ends on the holiest day in the Jewish calendar Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. These days are days for reevaluating how one lives day to day, repenting for misdeeds and a time of self introspection to weed out the sin and behaviors that fall short of God’s plan for life. Today, I am determined to make changes, to reassess my life and purpose.

This year more than ever there is a need to forgive ourselves, forgive others, turn our backs on sin and hate, and look forward to the new life and year ahead.

This year, once again, I am loved and encouraged. I am also thankful, always thankful because life is a gift.

Speak to Me

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How long Lord, how long?

No regaining what was lost
Is there not a cure?
Is there not an answer
To ease this pain?

How long Lord, how long?

It is seven years of suffering,
Seven years of fighting,
Seven years of youth gone
Seven years too long.

How long Lord, how long?

When can there be freedom?
Freedom from agony…
Freedom from medication…
Freedom from heartbreak ?

How long Lord, how long?

What was the crime for this?
What is the gain?
How can this be turned for good?
Don’t understand, I can’t see how.

How long Lord, how long?

Have the prayers fallen on deaf ears?
Was it my sin?
Will I ever see the joy
Will happiness and health return?

Lord, I wait.
Lord I cry out to you…
Lord please hear my plea,
Lord my prayers are exhausted.

How long Lord, how long?

Psalm 61:1-2
Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Photo: The Encounter painting by Daniel Cariola, located in Magdala, Israel

Friends to the End

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The anniversary of my birth is fast approaching and I got an early birthday card from Uncle Sam. A Medicare card with my name on it. Le sigh

This revelation that I am getting older has me sorting and purging through things I have kept for years; things kept for good reason and no good reason at all.

Through this sort I took a second and third look at a very old friend. He has been a permanent fixture in my sewing room the past couple of decades although I cannot remember a time he wasn’t with me.

I’ve long forgotten his childhood name, but he’s traveled with me as I moved around the US… Texas, Florida, Alaska, Colorado and with me still in the PNW.

He has been a silent witness through my childhood, love, marriage, motherhood, all of it the good and bad.

At most times I have taken him for granted and never give him a serious look. He is showing his age, he’s been through the wringer a few times. He lost an ear that I was going to sew back on one day but by time I got around to getting it done, the ear couldn’t be found. He’s been restuffed, stitched up, his fur can’t quite lose it’s dirty shadow and his seams are coming apart. All these things are beautiful to me.

So as I approach this milestone birthday and I take a good look at this old friend. I decide he’s staying until the end and after all we’ve been through together, just like me, he’s still smiling.

Gladys

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Sharing a verse from 1978 written by my mother about her cousin Gladys. It is about a person that loved her through a time of loss and change.

In tribute to Gladys 12/31/33 – 8/23/20

GLADYS

Once, so many years ago; a time came in my life: a time of change-

    A change of place, a change of face, a change of family came into my life –

Once so many years ago; once so many years ago I gained a sister in my life-

    Not a REAL sister – in that way-I wasn’t blessed, once so many years ago.

This sister that I did acquire, once so many years ago, was truly of the family,

    The family kind; because as close as we could come was through our mothers,

Once so many years ago; For 14 years we did not know, this sister of mine-

    We did not know that such a closeness, a love, a kindredship could exist.

Once so many years ago.

Sometimes I wonder as I think back on once so many years ago, if there might –

    Just might have been some unspoken thoughts between us two; so many years ago,

Unspoken thoughts that may have said—I don’t want you here—you intrude—intrude

    On me and my family – go away – Did she think these things, many years ago?

Once so many years? If she did – she didn’t say – didn’t say these things out –

    Out loud to me, once so many years ago.  We fussed, we played, we grew,

We fell in Love ( Oh! How many times?) Once so many years ago. 

    Such great, great things. Great things as we plundered through the years,

Once so many years ago.

Once so many years ago, 14 can seem so old, so old we really thought we were,

    Once so many years ago—we thought we knew just everything, just all the-

The world was at our feet — boy we were really dumb, once so many years ago.

    Once so many years ago? Ha! Have we ever changed? This “sister” and l –

Have we changed from once go many years ago? This “sister” is my cousin, my

    Cousin, or did you know? This cousin that I loved so dear, so many years ago!

No we haven’t changed from once so many years ago—we haven’t changed, but years,

    Years have changed, changed us both, we’re not as near as once so many years ago.

But, Love? Yes love is there—is there any doubt it’s so? Any doubt it would not—

    Would not live—from once so many years ago? Oh yes – it lived, it lived and

And even grew – grew into a different kind of love from once so many years ago.

    We don’t climb trees, or run through orchards, or eat ice cream brunches,

Like once so many years ago. Or even sit on top of the bunk beds and play rummy —

    Yes, for hours, once so many years ago. There are so many things that over,

Over, over the years we’ve out-grown, since once so many years ago.  When we —

    When we were only 14, only 14, so many years ago and thought the world was ours.

Once so many years ago, are days l won’t forget, wouldn’t want to even If I could—

    Could forget those years – those years before we grew so fast and grew away—

Away each other in miles, in miles but never in thoughts, in miles but— 

    But once in a while. not often, but once in a while—a letter, a talk, a talk,

Once go many years ago – I had “sister-cousin” — once so many years ago, and yet

     Tho’ oh so many years have passed, I have that sister still—to share our—

Our thoughts, our loves, our disappointments, our sorrows, our plans for things–

    For things yet to come, to come to our children, things that maybe we missed.

We missed once so many years ago —Missed?  Us? No we didn’t miss out-out on any –

    On anything once so many years ago, because I had a sister to love and who–

Who loved me in return, even tho’ it was never said; said outloud, but still —

   Still was there and is today, the love, I have for her, Gladys, this sister –

Whom I love today and never see, oh, seldom, yes but

   Not like once so many years ago, when 14 was  just

Just the age to be — with Gladys

Once so many years ago.

HPVHA 2-16-78

Life and Loss

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Life is trying these days. So much adjusting. Adjusting to a virus that has us second guessing each move. A virus that takes its greatest toll on the elderly — in loss of life and in loss of emotional support.

As I have written before my mother is in a nursing home facility in Texas. A facility that’s 2000 miles from me. I was visiting once every couple of months but once this virus hit I have been unable to visit. The facility was locked down on March 12.

Since that time I noticed a decline in my mother’s health, her mental health and physical. Every phone call she ask when I’m coming to see her. Every phone call I tell her no one can visit because of the virus. Every phone call I tell her the virus is everywhere.

She began asking about different family members and saying she was worried about them. She would say things like, “I wonder if they’re dead. Are they dead?”

One person she asked about often was her cousin Gladys, they were as close as sisters. A few months ago I was talking to my mother on an early Sunday morning and she asked those questions about Gladys.

Gladys lives in North Carolina. Only six months younger than my mother she has no dementia and lives a full life. So that morning I called Gladys then called my mom back and set up a three-way call. They talked for 45 minutes laughed and giggled just like schoolgirls. It was so sweet and Gladys was so patient with my mother as she repeated the same questions over again. The questions were mostly about the present because the past my mother remembered fully.

Sadly yesterday, I learned that Gladys had passed away, a casualty of the COVID-19 virus. Such a great loss to her family. She full of energy, so loving and giving to all around her. I loved to hear her speak, her southern accent so much like my grandmother’s in the way she called me darling drawn out into a melodic – “Daah-lynn’.”

Now I am faced with a choice as to whether I should tell my mother. One side of me leans toward not telling her. Her mental decline has been so noticeably great since this lock down. The other side of me faces the same old question can I/should I lie when she ask about her?

After am e-mail exchange with the social worker, Christy, (she is an angel on earth) I decide I will not tell her. Christy tells me my mother has days when she will have a moment of clarity and remember the loss of her step-son earlier this year. She mourns all over again and it takes days for her to recover. Just deflect the question or tell her Gladys is fine. I have decided on the latter.

After all, Gladys is fine, she is more than fine. She is in the Heavenly realms with her maker and the lover of her soul. They will meet again one day.

Unclear Vision

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2020 Vision
A perfect sight they say
But this year
That is 2020
Didn’t turn out that way.

Winter’s end turned to spring
And started with great hope,
Sadly spiraled downward,
When people started buying
All the TP and soap.

The virus that at first
We were told was not a worry,
Soon showed it had a deadly side.
The future became uncertain
More crazed, weird and blurry.

The message came,
Fifteen days to slow the curve.
With lockdown it was slowed
But days grew into months
Which cause many to unnerve.

Keeping a six foot distance
Our faces fully masked,
Lest we make a human touch.
Following all the protocols
Doing what was asked.

One tragedy upon another
A murder lit a fuse
Protests turned to violence
Lawlessness arose
The situation to abuse

Phases of reopening
Now we’re into summer
This has become a waiting game
And this year of 2020
Is thus far a real bummer.

2020 Vision
Is always better in hindsight.
Knowing what we know today,
We wonder
If all choices were exactly right.

Hopefully by year’s end
We’ll see the past more clearly
With empathy and wisdom
Not taking for granted
All the freedoms we hold dearly.

Trish © 8/4/20

 

Not all Hope is Lost

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This year 2020 is now more than half over and I revisited my New Year’s Day poem that expressed my hope for the coming year and decade.  As I read it now and knowing all that has transpired, I couldhope3 easily toss it all away and say there is no hope left.  However, I refuse to do that.  I will not let the virus, the unrest, the violence or the drama get me down.  I will continue to believe there is HOPE for a brighter future for us all, but we must look towards the future, learn from the past but do not live there.

Hope for a New Year and a New Decade

As we start a new decade,
Begin a New Year
I am encouraged with hope
For all I hold dear

Hope for family,
The old and the young,
Hope for dreams for a future
And every song unsung

Hope for those who are struggling
With trials in their life,
Hope that would well up inside them
Through the turmoil and the strife.

Hope for friends and for family
Living near and faraway;
Hope for the day that we are reunited,
In our homes or on holiday.

Hope for peace far and near,
For nations and people everywhere,
Hope that we can explore
more kindness
As opposed to the tension in the air

A new year is dawning
Three hundred and sixty-six
days ahead,
Hope that each one is full of promise
With never a kind word left unsaid

A new decade is before us,
Ten years into the unknown,
May hope always be a our
guiding light
Knowing we are not alone.

Trish © 1/1/2020

America’s Brotherhood

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Today is day number 183 of the year with 183 days left; half way through this year 2020. I want to believe that everyday for the rest of the year will not be tragedy among tragedy but I do not have any real hope we will make it through the coming weekend without the world falling into an abyss.

It is as if we are in an altered universe. For the past few years there has been a pot of continuously simmering hot water. With Covid19, the noodles (us) were thrown in the pot and now the foam is bubbling over the top. The noodles in the pot are done but the heat will not turn down until we break apart.

Independence Day weekend is upon us, I will be praying for the first responders more fervently than ever as I fear many people will use the holiday to create further mayhem and destruction.

We are standing on the dividing line. It’s time for the rest of us to stop being noodles, remove the pot from the fire before it is too late, stand up and show our brotherhood and outshine the hate.

“ America, America God shed his grace on thee;
And crown thy good with brotherhood,
From sea to shining sea”

img_3963

 

ANEVER

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I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

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I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

I Found a Nickel

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Recently the AC unit was replaced at our office; a very old unit it still chugged along but no longer efficient.  A80AD951-E1D4-407D-BBBA-06B6B34BAB26The new unit was relocated to the back of the building leaving a concrete pad on the side of the building. After the work was done and the unit hauled away, I walked by the pad and noticed a dark circle on the pad. I reached down to pick it up and found it was a nickel; an almost black discolored nickel.

I tried to rub away enough tarnish to see the date but it was not easy to read. Finally in the light I see it is stamped 1980.  I thought, not really so old for it looked like it had been there 100 years. Then I realized that although it did not seem that old it had been there forty years —- forty years just hiding under the AC unit as the world and time moved forward.

This nickel in it’s shiny new condition was cloaked from the light when Ronald Reagan was elected the 40th President of the United States, November 4,1980. There in 1981, when the AIDS virus was first identified. In 1982, when I met my husband of the past 37 years which was long before I ever set foot in this little town, it was there.

Unseen in 1985 when the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl exploded sending 8 tons of nuclear reactive material into the atmosphere.  It remained hidden in 1986 when the shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after launch.  There in 1988 when a PanAm 747 exploded from a terrorist bomb that sent it crashing  to the ground in Lockerbie, Scotland.

Concealed in 1989 when the Berlin Wall came down and in December when the Romanian uprising overthrew the Communist government just days before my youngest son was born at the University of WA Medical Center.

It had possibly lost some luster in 1991 but it made no movement as the Soviet Union broke up after President Gorbachev resigned.  In that same year my oldest son was nearly killed in a motorcycle accident.  In 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected president and when my middle son graduated high school just a few miles away it remained sheltered from sight. It was there one year later as the same son was wounded in Somalia during the Battle of Mogadishu, on October 3, 1993.

Fast forwarding through the rest of the 90’s – wars in Serbia, Croatia, and at home in Oklahoma City. OJ killed his wife and the president cheated on his.

When the world entered the new millennium this nickel was now 20 years old.  In 2000, I technically became the owner of this hidden coin as we purchased the building with it’s old AC and it’s hidden coin that remained safely beneath.

This nickel stayed in the dark through the darkest days of 9-11 in 2001. There as the younger Bush became president and we went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan.   It remained as as dictators were ousted from power or died… Saddam, Arafat, Milosevic and many other men who’s hearts were set on evil.

In 2009 Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States.  In the middle of Obama’s years my world was rocked by my own personal tragedies as my youngest son was diagnosed with IBD, underwent 5 surgeries and spent weeks and months in the hospital and ICU after several life threatening events. Through all this, a nickel now tarnished and black lay hidden.

There have been many changes in the world in those 40 years.  I didn’t think this nickel was so very old but in the time it lay undiscovered under the AC unit it had aged and tarnished just as much as we had as we found our way through the last forty years.  As much as things changed they have stayed the same. There is still war and unrest in the world, people no matter how much they talk about peace can’t even make peace with their neighbors and fellow citizens. It seems there is a greater desire to be right than to find common ground.

I found a nickel and it spoke to me

Patsy Cats

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File this under, “Crazy things you do.”

I am up at 2AM perusing Ebay for kitty cat pins.   My mom, Patsy, is/was a Texas cat lady extraordinaire. She always had a cat on her lap, in addition she had shelves full of figurines, teapots, cookie jars, bookends and every sort of ceramic cat thing ever made. Mostly all gifts from her friends, kids and grandkids that knew she would “just love them.”

Last year I shared about my mom’s dementia and fall which lead to her being unable to live on her own. I shared about the difficulties of clearing her house. Trying to treat her treasures with respect and knowing I could not keep everything. I took a few cats figurines, my sister took a few, I gave some “Patsy Cats” to her friends, I brought some back to Washington and gave to my friends who had met my mom.  “Patsy Cats” were re-homed around the country yet many remained that in the end we donated to charity. It was heartbreaking to dismantle my mother’s possessions and treasures but it had to be done.

When the doctor told her she would not be able to live on her own, my sister and I went out to her house and picked up a few treasures to decorate her room. A book shelf, pictures and several cats to put on the shelves. In addition to all the cats mentioned above, my mom also had a large collection of kitty cat brooches. She had them on her sweaters and blouses and never left the house without being adorned with a golden cat pin. When we were at her house, I found a small metal box, when I opened it I found full of all her brooches.  There were at least 20 in there plus all the ones we found still pinned on her sweaters she probably had 40 or more. I took them to her at the home, at least she could have all of these.

Now comes the sad and tragic bit. My mom has been in the nursing home a little over year now and all the pins are gone.  A few months ago my sister was going to put one on her sweater as she was taking her to lunch and she couldn’t find the box. She told the staff that her box was missing and they did a search. They found the it in a ladies room next door but only one pin inside. You cannot get angry because like my mom, this lady doesn’t comprehend what is going on.  Matter of fact, she insisted that the box was hers.  The pins? They could not be found. Are they hidden around the care facility somewhere? Did she give them away? We do not know.

8BA74499-CFE9-4BFD-A796-E8064664AAF5So here I am at 2AM searching Ebay for kitty cat brooches. I thought these things weren’t so much valuable as they were treasures, but apparently not. They are anywhere from 5-30 dollars or more. So I bought five, a couple were similar to ones she owned.  I am going to bring them to her when I go down to Texas next month. Whether she realizes she has lost so many is hard to say, but when she sees these she will “just love them!”

A Man Who Can Teach Us Much About Gratitude

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“No onight2ane is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them. Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately.”

~ Elie Wiesel

These words spoken by a Jewish man born in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania. He was deported by the Hungarian government to Auschwitz with his family at 15. His mother and youngest sister were murdered immediately while he and his father remained and labored at Auschwitz. They were later moved to Buchenwald where he helplessly listened as his father was beaten to death.  When the camp was liberated in April 1945 he was 16 1/2 years old.  

Elie Wiesel spent the rest of his life fighting against injustice and man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. In 1986 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Along with the quote above in his acceptance speech he says:

“I remember: it happened yesterday or eternities ago. A young Jewish boy discovered the kingdom of night. I remember his bewilderment, I remember his anguish. It all happened so fast. The ghetto. The deportation. The sealed cattle car. The fiery altar upon which the history of our people and the future of mankind were meant to be sacrificed”

In his 1999 book “Perils  of Indifference,” he says;

“Gratitude is a word that I cherish. Gratitude is what defines the happiness and humanity of the human being.”

Full text of his acceptance speech here:

Artwork from Night by Elie Wiesel – 1982

Appointed Time

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4A403F71-69CB-412E-9EAF-F503AB6E5204Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. It is demonstrated to me again this year in my Thanksgiving cactus. It is possibly 25 or more years old and it is large. It needed a larger pot years ago, I sometimes forget to water it, and yet every year it blooms at its appointed time  

On a larger scale the day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.

 

 

Intersections

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Warning.  Old ladies must be careful and stop at all intersections. I got a call this morning… someone asking me to take them to the ER in Issaquah. We got there at 9 by 11:30 the doctors had decided to do a test and they asked me to step out of the room. 

I came out and started down one of those long hospital corridors when all of a sudden BAM… I felt like I was hit by a bus.  I went flying across that 10ft hallway, landed on my arse, and hit the wall with my head.  It was not a big yellow bus, but it was a young 6’ something Justin-bus of the human male species.  

60E01375-A8F8-460E-9C69-FA202524CE58A lady came running out if the ER and after a few minutes and accessing everything, I got up.  She asked me if I wanted to see a doctor but my thought process said no  – they were swamped and other than my wounded sense of dignity, and a sore wrist, hip and head everything still moved.  I didn’t want to waste time for someone to say, “Looks like you got knocked on your rear!” Therefore, I declined.

I could make some comparisons here, such as, the other intersections in life that catch you off guard.  The loss of a loved one, a tragic diagnosis,  dealing with aging parents, aging and retirement. These intersections should also be approach with caution.  Take the time to look both ways and reflect on all possibilities  and outcomes.  Should you get sidelined, stop, take a deep breath, pick yourself up and move forward.  Life is a highway with many crossroads. Proceed with caution but stay on the road to the final destination. And…

Always slow down at intersections!!