Friends

To Muffet with Love

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Thanks to the internet and social media apps like Classmates and Facebook I have reconnected with several school friends.  I cannot really say from high school because I never went a day of high school, but I had a few childhood friends that remained in my heart.

The first person I reconnected with was Pattie. In 2006, she was my birthday present as Chris paid for a trip for her to come visit me in Seattle.  We rediscovered each other in a whole new light, through adult eyes and not those of a child.  

Pattie and I only had a few years to reconnect when sadly she left this earth much too soon. I was heartbroken and shocked… the one friend I had contact with from my broken ugly childhood was gone.

At that time I had been on Classmates for 10 years. In all that time I never heard from anyone, and then the day after I learned that Pattie had died, I got a message.

The next day! I was flooded with love, that someone would remember ME and reach out to ME because I always felt I longed to be friends with others, more than anyone wanted to be friends with ME.  

This message was from Muffet.  Growing up, she lived in Sunset Ridge a development of brick homes off Hwy 75 outside of Conroe. I lived across the highway in a older wooden house, a house where the walls in my room were not finished and just open studs. Visiting Muffet’s house was like a fantasy experience. She had beautiful white carpet in her bedroom and I would take off my shoes and wriggle my toes in the fibers; her room was a princess-land.

Muffet had beautiful long hair that her mother would braid and roll around in a bun on top of her head. She looked angelic or like she should be picking flowers somewhere in the Swiss Alps. She was lovely inside and out.

Beyond material things, Muffet was a kind, sweet friend that accepted me, this strange girl who was a square peg in a world of round holes.

After that initial note, we began to correspond regularly and later connected on social media. She included me as part of a group that I left at 14, but a group of people I grew up with and often wondered how life changed for them.

She prayed with me for my son through his hard days with surgeries and setbacks. She gave me hope that God can heal as she shared the health crisis she endured with her own child. We were both caretakers for our elderly mothers, she more hands on with hers as she lived close by. Me more administrative with mine although I did make several trip a year to see her.

On one of those trips in 2018, we finally reconnected face to face. The first time since 1969, it was like we never skipped a beat. We spent two hours laughing, sharing and reminiscing. A wonderful cherished time.

So, back to Muffet’s original message in 2009, was it a coincidence she wrote to me at this critical time? Several times in my life I believe God has arranged events and sent people to comfort me and show me his love just when I need it most.  No, Muffet’s note and whatever the process was that she found me and decided to write, was a gift from God. It was as if God was saying, “I love you, Trish.”

Sunday, is Muffet’s birthday. This friend who has been a gift from God to me. Thank you Muffet for caring enough to contact me. I treasure these past few years of reconnecting and sharing. I look forward to when we can meet face to face again. Muffet, not to sound too Golden Girlish… “Thank you for being a friend.”

Happy Birthday ~ I love you.

Faith

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Hebrews 11:1 says, ” Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Last night I read Mitch Albom’s book “Have a Little Faith.” In some ways I could relate to his journey and like him, I have had times that my relationship with God was distant, but I have never walked away. In the past I had periods of time when my faith was weak but the older I am the stronger my faith has become.

I once read that faith is not just the belief in something unseen but it is total complete trust in something. Trust for me was a building process because of my childhood I have struggled with trust. Not just trust in God, but trust in family and trust in friends.

However, over time I have experienced many examples of true love and compassion from all of these. I have a small group of friends and select family that have proved themselves faithful time and time again.

In the same way, God has shown me His compassion, His love, His strength, and each time it gave me one more brick of faith and trust to stand on. When trials come, I have those bricks from His past faithfulness to rely on for the courage to face each day. Where I once fell apart, I may now mourn and grieve but I know God has a plan and He will see me to the other side.

The amazing thing is that before my trust was weak and wishful, it is now a solid and a sure belief that no matter what the world says, my trust is built on evidence of His care and love. It is in this, that my faith is strong.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.”
~ Psalm 91:1-2 NKJV

Photo courtesy of Unsplash – Alex Shute

*** Mitch Albom is a best selling author and his books always have a lesson or experience. in which I strongly relate. The book “Have a Little Faith,” is a true story in which he speaks of his faith and a relationship with his Rabbi and a Christian pastor and what he learned from each of them. It was released in 2009 but if you’d like to read it you can find good preowned copies online.

Living Year to Year

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With a little less than 48 hours left in 2023, I found this note that keeps popping up that I wrote in 2013. That year was a stressful hard year. My youngest son, a 22 year old college student, spent five months in the hospital, after three surgeries he had nearly exsanguinating bleed and spent weeks in the ICU.

Ten years later, I read these words and see that I made it through that year with the love and support of my family and friends. In reality we make it through every year with their support… with them, we make it through Life!

As I look back on 2023, I do so knowing that I followed my own advice here. I look forward to 2024 and as I often say, “I try to live everyday as if it might be my last at the base of the mountain near the river.”

Down to 48 hours left in 2013.

Going to think through the ups and downs, happiness and heartaches, blessings and curses, those who I lost and those who I still have close to love and appreciate. In that final group, my family and friends including you my Facebook friends and family, who encouraged me, prayed for my family and helped me through this long year.

I thank you and wish for you all a new year of success, warm times with your family, and peace.

I still remember the words from CBS reporter Lee Cowan after the marathon bombing. (The bombings) ” do remind us we don’t get to set life’s clock. While we may think we’ll have a tomorrow to say all the things we want to say, or should have said, what this week proved is that sometimes, that tomorrow doesn’t come — and the things left unsaid could end up one of our greatest regrets. “

Have no regrets. Tell your loved ones how much you care for them, forgive and heal old wounds if at all possible, if not forgive yourself. Live everyday to its fullest and if you are reading this know you are appreciated and loved by me. 💕

Board Games

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There are so many board game choices today, but not so much when I was growing up. In our house we had Monopoly and Scrabble. My mother and step-father would have friends over for dinner and after would play cards or dominoes into the evening. I never really understood or learned the rules of dominoes but they seemed to have fun playing.

I played Scrabble maybe once. I was not so good but I was only about 8. I do, however, remember my brother and mother playing often. It was a game that required a lot of skill and word knowledge building a crossword puzzle from existing words in the board. My mother loved crossword puzzles so Scrabble fit right in and it continued up into her final years. Even though dementia had overtaken her memories, I would visit her and she would have the crossword book out studying the puzzle. I think there was not so much filling in the blanks as reading the clues, but it was a part of her routine in life and I think it brought her some normalcy.

I did participate in Monopoly games but was usually trounced by my rowdy older brothers. When I married for the first time, my husband was a chess enthusiast. He taught me how to play and we played often. It was a game of strategy, abstract reasoning and creative thinking. Before each move you also have to calculate or anticipate the consequences of that move and what possible moves or actions your opponent might take. I did not win many times at this game either, but I learned some processing skills that perhaps helped me later in life.

As my sons became older we had several games in our home, Monopoly of course, Sorry and Jenga. I can remember many nights we’d gather around the coffee table and play. In my late twenties, just before I met Chris I was introduced to the game Mastermind. I loved that game and at last I found a game in which I exhibited some skill.

Mastermind was a code breaking game that also used critical thinking, abstract reasoning and creative thinking much like chess. In short, the goal was to figure out the colors and placement of hidden pegs with clues as to the accuracy of your guess. The opposing player scores your guesses by placing a black pin for every peg that has a correct color in the correct spot. However, they do not indicate which spot is correct. They place a white pin for every color you have correct. The winner is the player that solves the code in as few guesses as possible.

Chris was not a big fan of Mastermind. Perhaps because I won more times than he did. Over the years it was stored away as with all the other board games we played when the boys were little. When Josh came along we played checkers, Chinese checkers and Battleship which was also a strategy type game. Chris likes to relay a story about when the Chinese checkers game was permanently put away. The game had a metal playing board that shut like a cracker can that held the marbles inside. Josh accidentally kicked the can that was sitting on the floor while running through the house and startled the cat sitting on my lap. The cat’s reaction left me with scratches on my legs… Chris called it a ten pronged inoculation!

The last game I bought was a game called Bananagram. It consisted of 144 plastic letter tiles. The object is to use all your tiles creating a crossword puzzle and before your opponents complete theirs. I bought this game in 2012 when my mom and Paulette traveled to Washington to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. I thought my mother would like it and I was correct. We were no match for her crossword skills as she defeated us soundly every time. I gave my mother that Bananagram game when she left. Years later, I found it in her house just before she passed and brought it home.

Many good memories revolve around games played with family and friends, win or lose

Forever {Sister} Friends

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“Friendship like the flight of birds;
Cannot be put in written words,
Never has a poet penned,
All it means to have a friend.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I bought a set of stationary back in the 1970’s that had this quote on it, I have never seen it anywhere since and I cannot find any other reference to Longfellow. However it remains a favorite of mine.

I was told that I was a person who “chooses friends carefully.” In truth, over the last nearly seventy years I have had four friends that I would call “forever {sister} friends.” There was a time I longed for a close friend, a time I felt isolated and alone. I think I was selective about who I got close to, because of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of rejection, fear that as I wrote once…“Am I the problem? Why do I lock others out? To protect from the hurt, Or is it from Fear? That they might discover… What’s hidden in here?”

The first FSF I had was Mary. I met Mary in Anchorage, Alaska in 1974, I was 19. We were living at the top of the world, isolated, and we lived as if there were no other people on earth. Mary was older than me, she was funny and outgoing. We shared so much and she was a friend that helped me to begin to come out of my shell. She told me once, “Why do you always wear brown? You look like you’re dead.” Truth is I was just trying to blend into the background. Mary and I have been friends for nearly fifty years. We stayed connected to each other from around the US, from Alaska, to Texas, to Colorado. Mary is in South Carolina now, me in Seattle but we still talk and laugh about those good times in Alaska.

FSF number two is Debbie. We met in 1977, in Denver. Debbie and I have had some rough spots, we were total opposites both born in 1955, she is older by 3 months. My ex thought she was a bad influence on me but isn’t that the way it goes? The greatest friendships have a yin and yang combination. I married young and really had no wild and crazy side when we met except for what I gained from Mary (Debbie took up where Mary left off). She was a natural comic, quick and witty. I always would tell her that Rosanne was nothing compared to her.

Over the years we have been there for one another… births, deaths, divorce, and we have shared the lowest lows and the highest highs. There is not much we have not shared with one other. Debbie and I have not lived in the same city since 1984. We still see each other, more the past few years because we both understand tomorrow is not guaranteed. Seven years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The bad one, but really they are all bad. Prayers are answered because after seven years of treatment, she is still cancer free.

After I moved to Seattle, I longed again for a friend. Debbie and I wrote and talked often, but it is not the same as having someone to share your day to day life with, go shopping with, someone you can laugh and cry with. I had a few acquaintances, neighbors and co-workers but no Seattle Forever Sister Friend. It was the dry season of my life. I wrote a poem (prayer) about this longing for a friend in 1993 and in 1999 God answered my prayer when I visited a local Messianic Congregation.

There I met two FSFs. The first one was Becky. Again, I tend to gravitate to the outgoing extroverted type. Becky, also six years older than me ran the Judaica shop/bookstore at this congregation and we hit it off from the start. I started going with her to conferences, and as we were both in our 40/50’s by this time we had a lot of catching up to do. We went to California, Texas, Canada and Mexico together and although we had common hearts, our habits and personal traits were totally different. I am the morning person, she not so much; she was all into Dancing with the Stars, me true crime; she loves to dance (organized dance), me two-left feet and just move with the music; she knows the scientific names of all the plants, I just know they are pretty; she is mocha lattes and I was just coffee, I was kinda plain Jane and she knew all the latest beauty tips. It was with Becky I had my very first pedicure. Who knew that could be so great, oh what had I been missing? Becky and I have a similar look and people often mistake us for one another or think we were sisters. It was at the pedicure place one day when a woman asked the owner if we were sisters, she said, “No they just look alike and they both have big hair.” Yes, we have big hair!!

Becky cared for her husband who was in failing health. She was loyal and devoted; she sacrificed herself to care for him until the end. She has been a loyal and devoted friend as well. She’s never afraid to tell me if my thinking is not right but always loving me, quirks and all.

Finally, but not least, there is Shoshana. The kindest, most loving, non-judgmental person I know. She is a FSF/Soul Sister. We are only a couple of years apart in age and her wisdom has blessed me many times. She also had a tough childhood and her compassion for others is a heavenly gift. Sometimes she gives so much of herself she forgets to take care of herself too. I think that is where I come in, possibly God put me in her path so that I can remind her that she is important too and she needs to take time to put herself first. In turn she reminds me that God loves me no matter what happened in my past.

I think maybe there is a point in life where you can no longer make new FSFs, or new old friends. I would never presume to know it all though, God has surprised me more than once. The qualities I value in all my FSFs are; they are trustworthy, loyal, honest, people of faith, people who have a deeper understanding of life and take the time to find the joy in every day.

Old Friends

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I don’t really have any “new friends” but I have different stages of “old friends”. I wonder if there is a time when you don’t make new friends? For sure with all the lock downs I haven’t made any new friends the past few years.

Some old friends are newer old friends… 20 years or so but when we met it seemed we had already known each other for many years.

My oldest friend has been through it all with me, she knows all my secrets and I know hers, we’ve done some really stupid things together, partying which often involved drinking too much; we held each other’s hands though births and divorce, illness and supported each other through the loss of our moms – we’ve laughed and cried.

This is Debbie – 45 years since we met in Denver. We’ve spent a lot of years apart and yet the times we are together we pick up where we left off and there is never a moment of awkward silence.

You know those times of serendipitous events that are really divine appointments that I wrote about before? Last week I was blessed with another one.

We were going to Hawaii for a pre-Christmas holiday. Two days before leaving, I opened a Christmas card from Debbie in it she said she was going to Hawaii as well. Our trips overlapped and we were on the same island in condos only one mile apart. We could not have planned it better if we tried.

We both really needed this time together. Four days, to just enjoy each others company, to laugh to reminisce about all of those crazy things we did when we were much younger. I have to say she remembers a lot of stuff I do not recall. Most things I would be ashamed to remember that I did.

My ex thought she was a bad influence on me but isn’t that the way it goes? The greatest friendships have a yin and yang combination. I married young and really had no wild and crazy side when we met; Debbie was a natural comic, quick and witty. I always would tell her that Rosanne had nothing compared to her.

My old friend, she is a fighter and she is a survivor. Six years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The bad one, but really they are all bad. During chemo and radiation her mother began to decline and she had to travel away from home to say a hard goodbye. Prayers are answered because after five years of treatment, she is cancer free.

So yes, every visit, every moment is that much more precious. We hugged and kissed, our hearts ached when we parted.

I was a girl scout and there is a scouting song that goes like this:

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.
A fire burns bright, it warms the heart. We’ve been friends, from the very start.
You have one hand, I have the other. Put them together, we have each other.
You help me and I’ll help you and together we will see it through.
Across the land, Across the sea; Friends forever we will always be ❤️

Debbie, you are my treasure. You are gold.

Friends to the End

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The anniversary of my birth is fast approaching and I got an early birthday card from Uncle Sam. A Medicare card with my name on it. Le sigh

This revelation that I am getting older has me sorting and purging through things I have kept for years; things kept for good reason and no good reason at all.

Through this sort I took a second and third look at a very old friend. He has been a permanent fixture in my sewing room the past couple of decades although I cannot remember a time he wasn’t with me.

I’ve long forgotten his childhood name, but he’s traveled with me as I moved around the US… Texas, Florida, Alaska, Colorado and with me still in the PNW.

He has been a silent witness through my childhood, love, marriage, motherhood, all of it the good and bad.

At most times I have taken him for granted and never give him a serious look. He is showing his age, he’s been through the wringer a few times. He lost an ear that I was going to sew back on one day but by time I got around to getting it done, the ear couldn’t be found. He’s been restuffed, stitched up, his fur can’t quite lose it’s dirty shadow and his seams are coming apart. All these things are beautiful to me.

So as I approach this milestone birthday and I take a good look at this old friend. I decide he’s staying until the end and after all we’ve been through together, just like me, he’s still smiling.

ANEVER

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I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

F037A17D-F786-411C-98D8-651EAA0EE950

I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

Pattie Kay’s Day

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PKBSt Patty’s Day is here again and that means only one thing… Yes, I’m gonna probably going to wear green and No, I’m not going to have green beer, but I am going to be thinking about my old friend all day.

It was in 3rd grade when I moved to a new elementary school across town that I met Pattie! My last name began with an ‘A’ and hers began with a ‘B’ so of course we always sat next to each other in class because in those days everybody was seated alphabetically. I often wondered about the people whose names begin with ‘W’ and they had to sit in the back of the class. Could they see well enough? Hear well enough? Somebody should do a study of people with A, B and C last names to see if they got better grades!

Pattie lived a little north of town and I lived even further north of town. I think the development she lived in was called Holly Hills and I loved it!!! Beautiful brick homes with and manicured lawns. The best part was at Christmas time, the whole neighborhood had the same decorations in their yards; it was a perfectly decorated winter wonderland… with no snow (south Texas). All the people living in Holly Hills put up big candy canes and lollipops in their front yards and they all had lights around all the roof-lines. It was beautiful, uniform and perfect.

Truth is I always used to envy Pattie, she had her own room, she was tiny and petite, pretty, an only child and it was always quiet in her home. We were also in the Girl Scouts together, my mother was a troop leader and we often did things together.

I left Texas just before the end of eighth-grade and moved to many different places but I never forgot my friend Pattie. Every year without fail, when St Patty’s Day rolled around, I would think of her; I wondered where she was and and how her life turned out.

In 1997 ‘Classmates’ had been around a few years and I joined. I searched what would have been my graduating class of 1974. Pattie was on there and I sent her an email. Months past, months became a year and I never heard anything from her. Then about a year and a half after I first wrote her, I got an email. She’d been without a computer for a while and had just gotten back online. It was the rebirth of something wonderful. We exchanged long emails and we had long talks on the phone. It was one of those weird things that you can be friends and not see each other for 30+ years and just take back up where you left off.

However, now our conversations were deeper and more meaningful. We shared are joys and sorrows of where life’s path had taken us. The grandiose life that I had a imagined Pattie lived, was just that… in my imagination. She, like a lot of us, had many wonderful moments and good times in life fringed with heartache and disappointments. The deeper conversations got, the more it became clear that our childhoods were also even more intertwined than we knew. My childhood perception of her perfect life behind the lollipops and candy canes was not reality.

So we stayed connected, sometimes months between calls and e-mails but always at Christmas, my birthday and always, always St Patty’s Day . One year on my birthday I got a card and inside were several pictures of the candy canes and lollipops in Holly Hills. On the back Pattie wrote, “Here Trish thought you’d like these.” Not quite as my childhood eyes remembered but a great gift just the same.

In 2006, we finally got together. Pattie came to Seattle we had a fabulous week together, we took the ferry to the islands, we toured Pikes Place market, we went to the glass museum, we shopped, and we talked… long talks.

The next year in 2007, a friend whose daughter had just moved to Texas, and I went to see Pattie in Seabrook/Kemah. She was living there and loved the laid back beach life, loved the people and breezy atmosphere near the water.

Pattie and I talked last in December 2007; she said life had been hectic, she had lost her mom earlier in the year.  She told me when things settle down would have a long talk. It was our last Merry Christmas to each other.  March 2008 came and I sent her birthday greetings on the  17th but heard nothing. St Patty’s Day past; I tried to call, I tried to e-mail, but could not reach her. my birthday nothing, Christmas 2008 nothing.  Then it was St. Patty’s Day again…2009 and I had not heard from Pattie in over a year.  I knew something was not right. I searched the internet, went back to ‘Classmates’ left her message, left messages with others that I knew she stayed in contact with…. nothing. After weeks of searching, I found her obituary online. Gone… far too soon.

Heartbroken but eternally thankful for the time we had reconnected and the fabulous week we spent together in Seattle.  We changed, but had not changed.  Our path crossed for a second time in life and we could see more clearly, with adult eyes and no misconceptions about what formed our bond.

So, here it is St Patty’s Day again… but it is really Pattie Kay’s Day and will be forever to me.