Friends

He Makes My Garden Beautiful

emyloom Leave a comment

Sunday morning and we have another dry day in store maybe reaching 62°.

Today I am thankful for this break in the wet weather. Also thankful for Rogelio who showed up yesterday at 7:30 and worked all day to clean up the storm mess and fall leaves on this five acre paradise.

Rogelio has so many amazing qualities the at the top of the list is his skill to turn the mess of my yard into a woodland paradise. He clears the flower beds, he creates rock gardens, trims the shrubbery, and edges the lawn. In 8 hours he can accomplish more then I could in a month of weekends.

I have always told people that Rogelio got all the credit for the beauty in my garden.

Rogelio has shared many other talents with us. He has helped build fences, helped haul away junk, polished concrete floors, updated and installed lighting, laid patio bricks and the list could go on and on.

Rogelio says believes hard work is the key to happy life. He says that the struggles of life makes you strong and give you a will to live. “Man has to fight for life.”

Rogelio is not just our helper he is our friend. Thankful for his help these last 23 years.

Celebrating Birthdays

emyloom 2 Comments

Birthdays, to date, I have had 69. Strangely enough, I don’t remember, not even one from my childhood.

I don’t remember my 21st birthday. At the time I lived in Anchorage, AK, and I had two children. I know I didn’t go out and have the first “legal drink” because I rarely drank alcohol until I was in my fifties.

At 30, all I care to remember is that it was a very sad day. On this birthday, I had been living in Washington State for a little over a year. I had moved here with Chris just months after we married. I thought it would be a new and exciting change for me. I always dreamed of Seattle and thought it must be a magical place from watching the 60’s TV show, “Here Come the Brides.”

The alluring theme song just made me want to go there and see for myself.
“ The bluest skies you’ve ever seen in Seattle,
And the hills the greenest green in Seattle.
Like a beautiful child growing up free and wild
Full of hopes and full of fears
Full of laughter full of tears
Full of dreams to last the years in Seattle.”

I came here with lots of dreams for a full life but just like the song goes there were fears and tears as well.

On my 30th birthday I had a fifteen year old son who was going through his own trials. Hard to be fifteen but being uprooted and moved to a new state compounded those issues. It was hard on both of us.

I had a cake, but it was no celebration. Someone took a picture anyway.

Thirty

Fast forwarding through the next 20 years — I have no recollection at all of any celebrations. But, 50, that was a birthday to remember.

Chris and my friend, Sho, secretly conspired together to give me a wonderful birthday weekend. The day before my birthday, Sho and her partners in crime (Yohanna and Rita) took me out on a long day trip to the Olympic Peninsula. Naturally I became suspicious as the day went on and on. It soon became apparent that we were not headed home and I was not sure what the end game was.

Late in the afternoon we arrived at the Manresa Castle in Port Townsend. The castle was built in 1892 by a local businessman and first mayor of Port Townsend, Charles Eisenbeis. After his death the castle was remained empty for the next 25 years. Then in 1927, it was purchased by the Jesuit priests who used as a training college. In 1968 the building was sold again and converted to a hotel. The hotel is rumored to be haunted but it seems all old hotels have that status.

I was told were going to have a girls weekend not just an outing. When were in the lobby checking in, I looked up and saw Josh, my youngest son. That’s when the surprise unfolded.

Chris had invited many of my friends to a weekend birthday celebration. He reserved rooms for them all (of course with Sho’s help) and organized a catered buffet dinner in the dining room.

Along with Chris and Josh were my older sons, Aaron from Denver and Adam from California. Friends from my church family were there, Jennifer, Karen, Ann, Madeline and Mal, Phil and Carolyn, and Becky and Pat. In addition these social friends, co-workers and neighbors were there: Tony and Jen, George and Julie, Tom and Jean, Howard and Ruth and last but not least, my old friend Jim came up from California.

It was a wonderful evening filled with love from my family and these special people in my life. Several of these lovely people got up and said lots of really sweet and kind things about their relationship with me. It was a very humbling experience.

One thing I found very bizarre about the event was that my two worlds collided that day. My spiritual family/friends and my secular friends were there at the time and the same place. It was really an interesting coming together of people who knew me in very different ways.

Sho gave me a book to write about my day and thoughts on life with each passing birthday. I have to admit I kept it up for a few years, but fell behind. Below is an excerpt from that first entry…

September 2005 – Wow, it’s my 50th birthday! Who would have ever thought, but it must be true about getting up early as you get older because I woke up at 4:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid awake for a while hoping the old hotel didn’t really have any lost souls wandering around. That thought passed quick enough as I had to visit the facilities and nothing grabbed me on my way in the dark.

My dear sweet Chrissie did manage to surprise me with a wonderful birthday at Manresa Castle. Not only did he surprise me he managed to get my sons and about 25 of my most favorite people here as well. Done — all with the help of Ms. Shoshana and Ms. Yohanna. Those two fibbers… more like those two lovers of my soul.

While lying awake in bed I said a prayer of thanks for my friends… I should have more faith and trust, all of my friends love me…. and I am truly blessed by their presence here today.

So here I am today at sixty-nine. How did I get here? I feel like I am about 42, and the realization that I will be 70 next year I find hard to comprehend. The years have flipped by faster than pages in a book.

This morning I once again I woke up at 4:30 and thanks to social media my spirits were immediately boosted by dozens of well wishes from family and friends.

In the 19 years since my 50th celebration at Manresa Castle, some of the friends that attended have passed on, others moved on to different towns and states, and several others just moved on. Thankfully, the majority are still in my life. They are still loving me, supporting me and celebrating me.

I imagine next year at 70 there will be some kind of big to-do. Now I’m thinking if you make it to 70, one really should celebrate. After all life is short and we should really celebrate every year God has granted us.

Number One
Number Sixty-nine

Labor Day Reflection on Fifty-two Years as an American Worker

emyloom Leave a comment

Per the US Department of Labor, “Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers.”

I have been an American worker since 1972. I started at 16 and have had 13 jobs over 52 years.

I started with Pixie Preschool in Tampa, Florida in 1972. It was about 2 miles from where I lived. I rode my bike to work with my son Adam in a child seat on the handlebars. My boss was Jacque. She was a single mom with two children. I admired her so much and I learned a lot from her. I learned how to create economical nutritious meals, housekeeping shortcuts, and many tips on childcare. That job, my first, ended a year later when I moved from Tampa, Florida to Alaska.

It was 1974. I was a stay at home mom with a new baby so I worked providing childcare in my home. Believe me it was a “real job.” It was a constant struggle to keep the house clean. For 9 hours a day I had five kids instead of two. Meals, games, changing diapers, and keeping the peace there was never a quiet moment.

The next year, my friend Mary recommended me for a job at the credit bureau in Anchorage. I had absolutely no office experience and I could not type, but I started by answering phones and filing. It was a busy place processing credit requests. All information was in card files (no computers). Stores and other credit extenders would send paper reports on customers. These reports were filed under each person’s name. We had huge racks of card files. I really enjoyed working here, I was out in the “world” with other women and I liked it. After a year, Mary left Alaska and a few months later I did too.

Next stop was Texas. There I got a job at the Montgomery Ward catalog store in a small town, Fairfield. The couple, who owned the franchise, Jay and Mary Helen, were very sweet older couple. Mary Helen taught me a lot about ordering, organizing and customer service.

It was a low-key family type of atmosphere. Every day she would bring tomatoes in from her garden and we’d make a big salad for lunch.  Those salads were so fabulous. No dressing, just the juice from the tomatoes. No tomato since then has ever matched their flavor.  I left there after about 6 months. I lived in Korea for another six months and then moved to Denver.

In Denver, I got a job at the Montgomery Ward catalog store there. It was not quite the same experience as the one in a small town. People complained about everything. After one awful Christmas season there, I quit.

My next “career” move was to a Citibank credit processing center. Most of the jobs I have had, I either stumbled into them or a friend referred me. Citibank was located in the new Denver Tech Center. Someone I knew worked for the company that had the security contract there. He heard Citibank was hiring, so I applied. I think my short stint at the Anchorage credit bureau helped land this job. Here I verified credit applications, processed payments and later, I punched credit cards.

As part of my job I operated an Address-o-graph 6400 Graphotype machine. It was this big clunky over-grown typewriter/punch machine that embossed credit cards. Yes, I in my life have made thousands of credit cards. One card at a time was placed in the machine, the number and name were typed to emboss it and then the card moved across gold foil ribbon to make those embossed numbers shine. That machine would break down daily; it was old machine in 1980. For such a big company, I was surprised they still used this old clunker. I was always clearing jams and straightening the ribbons. Due to this, over the years I became known as the person in the office that had a knack for “fixing things.”

While working there, I received a call from a man who was processing my application for a home loan. He called to go over my credit details and then offered me a job. He offered more money and an opportunity for growth. He was quite a salesman. He told me how he and his wife started this really successful credit agency. They processed mortgage applications. Lots of promises and hype… way over sold. He was the first of several charlatans I encountered and this was my first, worst job move! It was an extremely toxic environment. On top of that, it was so far from where I lived. I had to make an hour bus ride each way. I left after only a few months.

Shortly after, I found a job as a receptionist in a large dental office.  Just as with other jobs, I knew someone who knew someone there. I had some experience because I had previously volunteered with the Red Cross at the dental office on the Air Force base. I started as a receptionist and moved to processing insurance claims. It was a good job but man; there was a lot of hanky-panky going around.  I left there when another smooth talking charlatan sold me on coming to work at his dental lab.

I don’t even want to say this guy’s name. The company was Artisan Dental Arts, this place I would classify as the worst job I ever had. I was an administrative assistant here, placed orders, paid bills and other general office duties. I worked there almost 2 years. The owner was a crook in so many ways I cannot even list them all. He would falsify bank records and tax returns to defraud people. He would buy into businesses, and steal from unsuspecting owners. He never paid the employee withholding taxes and would constantly skim money out of the business. When the IRS caught up with him he blamed the staff. One day I reached my breaking point and just walked out.

Afterwards, I had ongoing anxiety about what he might do to harm me. I worried he might plant drugs in my car or leave a dead animal on my doorstep. It was that bad. It was long past time to go. I have so many wild tales about that place, but that is for another story. In the midst of all the craziness at the dental lab, I was also going through a divorce. This only amplified the issues.

In very short order, a friend told me of a job at an engineering company, International Ground Support Systems, IGSS.  I was hired as the secretary/receptionist. The best thing about this job is that this is where I met my husband Chris. When I started to work there he was working on a tunnel in Nova Scotia. We became telephone friends long before we ever met. We both left this job when the owner was having family issues that played over into the workplace.

A friend of a friend at IGSS, told me about a job working with a lobbyist at Sun Oil Company.  There I became a legislative assistant… not bad for a high school dropout. I worked for a lobbyist named Ed. He covered the Rocky Mountain region and was often on the road. He would call me with a list of state bills that affected the industry. I would order them, write a summary and send them to the DC office. This was done with the old fax machines that scanned back and forth on thermal paper via a phone line. No internet back then.

In 1983, Chris got a job in Seattle and we moved north. In Seattle, the first job I had (not counting the temp job where I lasted until lunch and left crying) was at Dateline Technology. I’ve written about Dateline as the best job I ever had. In short, it was a company that sold Prime and Wang computer storage systems. I was the secretary, receptionist, travel arranger and later the bookkeeper. When I started, there was me and seven guys. They affectionately called me the “den mother.” It has been over 40 years and I am still in contact with four of them. I worked there a little over four years but with success came growing pains. The owners were in negotiations to sell the company. Just before the sale, I received a call with a job offer.

The call was from Ed, the lobbyist who I worked for at Sun Oil Company. It was the mid-80’s and the oil business had taken a downturn. Sun Oil had closed the regional office in Denver. Ed had taken a job with the Tobacco Institute and was moving to Washington.  He contacted me and asked me to come back to work for him. In the 80’s many tobacco companies had acquired food companies. Among those were Kraft, General Food and Nabisco and Ed thought he would be lobbying in this industry. Sadly that was not the case. After only a few months, he found it very difficult to defend the tobacco industry and left.

I stayed on a couple years because of the great benefits they offered. These benefits included a very generous maternity benefit. I managed to go through in vitro fertilization because of health insurance, and became pregnant with Josh. Their policy was that if you notified them that you were not going to return to work after giving birth, they would provide six months severance pay. I took advantage of that early on as I really wasn’t feeling well, and I did not plan on returning.

After a few months I was feeling better and a friend told me her boss was looking for an administrative assistant. The company, RepSac, was a computer consulting firm and I took the job. I worked there until Josh was born and continued to work on projects from home afterwards until 1990.

Lastly, for the past 33 years I have worked for Chris at SubTerra. I do a little bit of everything, bookkeeping, receptionist, travel arranger, decorator, office machine repair person, events manager and janitor. There have been times I have walked out, but the boss has always talked me back. I imagine this is the last job I will ever have and hopefully can retirement is in the future. I am staying as long as Chris does and he has no plans for stopping anytime soon.

My social security account shows that I worked every year since 1972. The only two exception was the time in 1974 when I did childcare and the early years of SubTerra when I worked but did not get paid.

When I look back over the years I see every job brought its own lessons and rewards. Every change was a step up and an opportunity to learn and grow. Considering my humble and rough start, I am amazed at where I am today.

Labor day was first envisioned in 1882 by Matthew Mcguire who was working as the secretary for the Central Labor Union in New York. By 1894, 23 states had adopted the holiday. Then on June 28, 1894, President Grover Cleveland signed a law making the first Monday in September of each year a national holiday. A celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers and I have been one for 52 years.

Quotes from: US Department of Labor, Labor Day history.

To Muffet with Love

emyloom 1 Comment

Thanks to the internet and social media apps like Classmates and Facebook I have reconnected with several school friends.  I cannot really say from high school because I never went a day of high school, but I had a few childhood friends that remained in my heart.

The first person I reconnected with was Pattie. In 2006, she was my birthday present as Chris paid for a trip for her to come visit me in Seattle.  We rediscovered each other in a whole new light, through adult eyes and not those of a child.  

Pattie and I only had a few years to reconnect when sadly she left this earth much too soon. I was heartbroken and shocked… the one friend I had contact with from my broken ugly childhood was gone.

At that time I had been on Classmates for 10 years. In all that time I never heard from anyone, and then the day after I learned that Pattie had died, I got a message.

The next day! I was flooded with love, that someone would remember ME and reach out to ME because I always felt I longed to be friends with others, more than anyone wanted to be friends with ME.  

This message was from Muffet.  Growing up, she lived in Sunset Ridge a development of brick homes off Hwy 75 outside of Conroe. I lived across the highway in a older wooden house, a house where the walls in my room were not finished and just open studs. Visiting Muffet’s house was like a fantasy experience. She had beautiful white carpet in her bedroom and I would take off my shoes and wriggle my toes in the fibers; her room was a princess-land.

Muffet had beautiful long hair that her mother would braid and roll around in a bun on top of her head. She looked angelic or like she should be picking flowers somewhere in the Swiss Alps. She was lovely inside and out.

Beyond material things, Muffet was a kind, sweet friend that accepted me, this strange girl who was a square peg in a world of round holes.

After that initial note, we began to correspond regularly and later connected on social media. She included me as part of a group that I left at 14, but a group of people I grew up with and often wondered how life changed for them.

She prayed with me for my son through his hard days with surgeries and setbacks. She gave me hope that God can heal as she shared the health crisis she endured with her own child. We were both caretakers for our elderly mothers, she more hands on with hers as she lived close by. Me more administrative with mine although I did make several trip a year to see her.

On one of those trips in 2018, we finally reconnected face to face. The first time since 1969, it was like we never skipped a beat. We spent two hours laughing, sharing and reminiscing. A wonderful cherished time.

So, back to Muffet’s original message in 2009, was it a coincidence she wrote to me at this critical time? Several times in my life I believe God has arranged events and sent people to comfort me and show me his love just when I need it most.  No, Muffet’s note and whatever the process was that she found me and decided to write, was a gift from God. It was as if God was saying, “I love you, Trish.”

Sunday, is Muffet’s birthday. This friend who has been a gift from God to me. Thank you Muffet for caring enough to contact me. I treasure these past few years of reconnecting and sharing. I look forward to when we can meet face to face again. Muffet, not to sound too Golden Girlish… “Thank you for being a friend.”

Happy Birthday ~ I love you.

Faith

emyloom Leave a comment

Hebrews 11:1 says, ” Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Last night I read Mitch Albom’s book “Have a Little Faith.” In some ways I could relate to his journey and like him, I have had times that my relationship with God was distant, but I have never walked away. In the past I had periods of time when my faith was weak but the older I am the stronger my faith has become.

I once read that faith is not just the belief in something unseen but it is total complete trust in something. Trust for me was a building process because of my childhood I have struggled with trust. Not just trust in God, but trust in family and trust in friends.

However, over time I have experienced many examples of true love and compassion from all of these. I have a small group of friends and select family that have proved themselves faithful time and time again.

In the same way, God has shown me His compassion, His love, His strength, and each time it gave me one more brick of faith and trust to stand on. When trials come, I have those bricks from His past faithfulness to rely on for the courage to face each day. Where I once fell apart, I may now mourn and grieve but I know God has a plan and He will see me to the other side.

The amazing thing is that before my trust was weak and wishful, it is now a solid and a sure belief that no matter what the world says, my trust is built on evidence of His care and love. It is in this, that my faith is strong.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.”
~ Psalm 91:1-2 NKJV

Photo courtesy of Unsplash – Alex Shute

*** Mitch Albom is a best selling author and his books always have a lesson or experience. in which I strongly relate. The book “Have a Little Faith,” is a true story in which he speaks of his faith and a relationship with his Rabbi and a Christian pastor and what he learned from each of them. It was released in 2009 but if you’d like to read it you can find good preowned copies online.

Living Year to Year

emyloom 1 Comment

With a little less than 48 hours left in 2023, I found this note that keeps popping up that I wrote in 2013. That year was a stressful hard year. My youngest son, a 22 year old college student, spent five months in the hospital, after three surgeries he had nearly exsanguinating bleed and spent weeks in the ICU.

Ten years later, I read these words and see that I made it through that year with the love and support of my family and friends. In reality we make it through every year with their support… with them, we make it through Life!

As I look back on 2023, I do so knowing that I followed my own advice here. I look forward to 2024 and as I often say, “I try to live everyday as if it might be my last at the base of the mountain near the river.”

Down to 48 hours left in 2013.

Going to think through the ups and downs, happiness and heartaches, blessings and curses, those who I lost and those who I still have close to love and appreciate. In that final group, my family and friends including you my Facebook friends and family, who encouraged me, prayed for my family and helped me through this long year.

I thank you and wish for you all a new year of success, warm times with your family, and peace.

I still remember the words from CBS reporter Lee Cowan after the marathon bombing. (The bombings) ” do remind us we don’t get to set life’s clock. While we may think we’ll have a tomorrow to say all the things we want to say, or should have said, what this week proved is that sometimes, that tomorrow doesn’t come — and the things left unsaid could end up one of our greatest regrets. “

Have no regrets. Tell your loved ones how much you care for them, forgive and heal old wounds if at all possible, if not forgive yourself. Live everyday to its fullest and if you are reading this know you are appreciated and loved by me. 💕

Board Games

emyloom 2 Comments

There are so many board game choices today, but not so much when I was growing up. In our house we had Monopoly and Scrabble. My mother and step-father would have friends over for dinner and after would play cards or dominoes into the evening. I never really understood or learned the rules of dominoes but they seemed to have fun playing.

I played Scrabble maybe once. I was not so good but I was only about 8. I do, however, remember my brother and mother playing often. It was a game that required a lot of skill and word knowledge building a crossword puzzle from existing words in the board. My mother loved crossword puzzles so Scrabble fit right in and it continued up into her final years. Even though dementia had overtaken her memories, I would visit her and she would have the crossword book out studying the puzzle. I think there was not so much filling in the blanks as reading the clues, but it was a part of her routine in life and I think it brought her some normalcy.

I did participate in Monopoly games but was usually trounced by my rowdy older brothers. When I married for the first time, my husband was a chess enthusiast. He taught me how to play and we played often. It was a game of strategy, abstract reasoning and creative thinking. Before each move you also have to calculate or anticipate the consequences of that move and what possible moves or actions your opponent might take. I did not win many times at this game either, but I learned some processing skills that perhaps helped me later in life.

As my sons became older we had several games in our home, Monopoly of course, Sorry and Jenga. I can remember many nights we’d gather around the coffee table and play. In my late twenties, just before I met Chris I was introduced to the game Mastermind. I loved that game and at last I found a game in which I exhibited some skill.

Mastermind was a code breaking game that also used critical thinking, abstract reasoning and creative thinking much like chess. In short, the goal was to figure out the colors and placement of hidden pegs with clues as to the accuracy of your guess. The opposing player scores your guesses by placing a black pin for every peg that has a correct color in the correct spot. However, they do not indicate which spot is correct. They place a white pin for every color you have correct. The winner is the player that solves the code in as few guesses as possible.

Chris was not a big fan of Mastermind. Perhaps because I won more times than he did. Over the years it was stored away as with all the other board games we played when the boys were little. When Josh came along we played checkers, Chinese checkers and Battleship which was also a strategy type game. Chris likes to relay a story about when the Chinese checkers game was permanently put away. The game had a metal playing board that shut like a cracker can that held the marbles inside. Josh accidentally kicked the can that was sitting on the floor while running through the house and startled the cat sitting on my lap. The cat’s reaction left me with scratches on my legs… Chris called it a ten pronged inoculation!

The last game I bought was a game called Bananagram. It consisted of 144 plastic letter tiles. The object is to use all your tiles creating a crossword puzzle and before your opponents complete theirs. I bought this game in 2012 when my mom and Paulette traveled to Washington to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. I thought my mother would like it and I was correct. We were no match for her crossword skills as she defeated us soundly every time. I gave my mother that Bananagram game when she left. Years later, I found it in her house just before she passed and brought it home.

Many good memories revolve around games played with family and friends, win or lose

Forever {Sister} Friends

emyloom Leave a comment

“Friendship like the flight of birds;
Cannot be put in written words,
Never has a poet penned,
All it means to have a friend.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I bought a set of stationary back in the 1970’s that had this quote on it, I have never seen it anywhere since and I cannot find any other reference to Longfellow. However it remains a favorite of mine.

I was told that I was a person who “chooses friends carefully.” In truth, over the last nearly seventy years I have had four friends that I would call “forever {sister} friends.” There was a time I longed for a close friend, a time I felt isolated and alone. I think I was selective about who I got close to, because of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of rejection, fear that as I wrote once…“Am I the problem? Why do I lock others out? To protect from the hurt, Or is it from Fear? That they might discover… What’s hidden in here?”

The first FSF I had was Mary. I met Mary in Anchorage, Alaska in 1974, I was 19. We were living at the top of the world, isolated, and we lived as if there were no other people on earth. Mary was older than me, she was funny and outgoing. We shared so much and she was a friend that helped me to begin to come out of my shell. She told me once, “Why do you always wear brown? You look like you’re dead.” Truth is I was just trying to blend into the background. Mary and I have been friends for nearly fifty years. We stayed connected to each other from around the US, from Alaska, to Texas, to Colorado. Mary is in South Carolina now, me in Seattle but we still talk and laugh about those good times in Alaska.

FSF number two is Debbie. We met in 1977, in Denver. Debbie and I have had some rough spots, we were total opposites both born in 1955, she is older by 3 months. My ex thought she was a bad influence on me but isn’t that the way it goes? The greatest friendships have a yin and yang combination. I married young and really had no wild and crazy side when we met except for what I gained from Mary (Debbie took up where Mary left off). She was a natural comic, quick and witty. I always would tell her that Rosanne was nothing compared to her.

Over the years we have been there for one another… births, deaths, divorce, and we have shared the lowest lows and the highest highs. There is not much we have not shared with one other. Debbie and I have not lived in the same city since 1984. We still see each other, more the past few years because we both understand tomorrow is not guaranteed. Seven years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The bad one, but really they are all bad. Prayers are answered because after seven years of treatment, she is still cancer free.

After I moved to Seattle, I longed again for a friend. Debbie and I wrote and talked often, but it is not the same as having someone to share your day to day life with, go shopping with, someone you can laugh and cry with. I had a few acquaintances, neighbors and co-workers but no Seattle Forever Sister Friend. It was the dry season of my life. I wrote a poem (prayer) about this longing for a friend in 1993 and in 1999 God answered my prayer when I visited a local Messianic Congregation.

There I met two FSFs. The first one was Becky. Again, I tend to gravitate to the outgoing extroverted type. Becky, also six years older than me ran the Judaica shop/bookstore at this congregation and we hit it off from the start. I started going with her to conferences, and as we were both in our 40/50’s by this time we had a lot of catching up to do. We went to California, Texas, Canada and Mexico together and although we had common hearts, our habits and personal traits were totally different. I am the morning person, she not so much; she was all into Dancing with the Stars, me true crime; she loves to dance (organized dance), me two-left feet and just move with the music; she knows the scientific names of all the plants, I just know they are pretty; she is mocha lattes and I was just coffee, I was kinda plain Jane and she knew all the latest beauty tips. It was with Becky I had my very first pedicure. Who knew that could be so great, oh what had I been missing? Becky and I have a similar look and people often mistake us for one another or think we were sisters. It was at the pedicure place one day when a woman asked the owner if we were sisters, she said, “No they just look alike and they both have big hair.” Yes, we have big hair!!

Becky cared for her husband who was in failing health. She was loyal and devoted; she sacrificed herself to care for him until the end. She has been a loyal and devoted friend as well. She’s never afraid to tell me if my thinking is not right but always loving me, quirks and all.

Finally, but not least, there is Shoshana. The kindest, most loving, non-judgmental person I know. She is a FSF/Soul Sister. We are only a couple of years apart in age and her wisdom has blessed me many times. She also had a tough childhood and her compassion for others is a heavenly gift. Sometimes she gives so much of herself she forgets to take care of herself too. I think that is where I come in, possibly God put me in her path so that I can remind her that she is important too and she needs to take time to put herself first. In turn she reminds me that God loves me no matter what happened in my past.

I think maybe there is a point in life where you can no longer make new FSFs, or new old friends. I would never presume to know it all though, God has surprised me more than once. The qualities I value in all my FSFs are; they are trustworthy, loyal, honest, people of faith, people who have a deeper understanding of life and take the time to find the joy in every day.

Old Friends

emyloom Leave a comment

I don’t really have any “new friends” but I have different stages of “old friends”. I wonder if there is a time when you don’t make new friends? For sure with all the lock downs I haven’t made any new friends the past few years.

Some old friends are newer old friends… 20 years or so but when we met it seemed we had already known each other for many years.

My oldest friend has been through it all with me, she knows all my secrets and I know hers, we’ve done some really stupid things together, partying which often involved drinking too much; we held each other’s hands though births and divorce, illness and supported each other through the loss of our moms – we’ve laughed and cried.

This is Debbie – 45 years since we met in Denver. We’ve spent a lot of years apart and yet the times we are together we pick up where we left off and there is never a moment of awkward silence.

You know those times of serendipitous events that are really divine appointments that I wrote about before? Last week I was blessed with another one.

We were going to Hawaii for a pre-Christmas holiday. Two days before leaving, I opened a Christmas card from Debbie in it she said she was going to Hawaii as well. Our trips overlapped and we were on the same island in condos only one mile apart. We could not have planned it better if we tried.

We both really needed this time together. Four days, to just enjoy each others company, to laugh to reminisce about all of those crazy things we did when we were much younger. I have to say she remembers a lot of stuff I do not recall. Most things I would be ashamed to remember that I did.

My ex thought she was a bad influence on me but isn’t that the way it goes? The greatest friendships have a yin and yang combination. I married young and really had no wild and crazy side when we met; Debbie was a natural comic, quick and witty. I always would tell her that Rosanne had nothing compared to her.

My old friend, she is a fighter and she is a survivor. Six years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The bad one, but really they are all bad. During chemo and radiation her mother began to decline and she had to travel away from home to say a hard goodbye. Prayers are answered because after five years of treatment, she is cancer free.

So yes, every visit, every moment is that much more precious. We hugged and kissed, our hearts ached when we parted.

I was a girl scout and there is a scouting song that goes like this:

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.
A fire burns bright, it warms the heart. We’ve been friends, from the very start.
You have one hand, I have the other. Put them together, we have each other.
You help me and I’ll help you and together we will see it through.
Across the land, Across the sea; Friends forever we will always be ❤️

Debbie, you are my treasure. You are gold.

Friends to the End

emyloom 1 Comment

The anniversary of my birth is fast approaching and I got an early birthday card from Uncle Sam. A Medicare card with my name on it. Le sigh

This revelation that I am getting older has me sorting and purging through things I have kept for years; things kept for good reason and no good reason at all.

Through this sort I took a second and third look at a very old friend. He has been a permanent fixture in my sewing room the past couple of decades although I cannot remember a time he wasn’t with me.

I’ve long forgotten his childhood name, but he’s traveled with me as I moved around the US… Texas, Florida, Alaska, Colorado and with me still in the PNW.

He has been a silent witness through my childhood, love, marriage, motherhood, all of it the good and bad.

At most times I have taken him for granted and never give him a serious look. He is showing his age, he’s been through the wringer a few times. He lost an ear that I was going to sew back on one day but by time I got around to getting it done, the ear couldn’t be found. He’s been restuffed, stitched up, his fur can’t quite lose it’s dirty shadow and his seams are coming apart. All these things are beautiful to me.

So as I approach this milestone birthday and I take a good look at this old friend. I decide he’s staying until the end and after all we’ve been through together, just like me, he’s still smiling.

ANEVER

emyloom Leave a comment

I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

F037A17D-F786-411C-98D8-651EAA0EE950

I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

Pattie Kay’s Day

emyloom Leave a comment

PKBSt Patty’s Day is here again and that means only one thing… Yes, I’m gonna probably going to wear green and No, I’m not going to have green beer, but I am going to be thinking about my old friend all day.

It was in 3rd grade when I moved to a new elementary school across town that I met Pattie! My last name began with an ‘A’ and hers began with a ‘B’ so of course we always sat next to each other in class because in those days everybody was seated alphabetically. I often wondered about the people whose names begin with ‘W’ and they had to sit in the back of the class. Could they see well enough? Hear well enough? Somebody should do a study of people with A, B and C last names to see if they got better grades!

Pattie lived a little north of town and I lived even further north of town. I think the development she lived in was called Holly Hills and I loved it!!! Beautiful brick homes with and manicured lawns. The best part was at Christmas time, the whole neighborhood had the same decorations in their yards; it was a perfectly decorated winter wonderland… with no snow (south Texas). All the people living in Holly Hills put up big candy canes and lollipops in their front yards and they all had lights around all the roof-lines. It was beautiful, uniform and perfect.

Truth is I always used to envy Pattie, she had her own room, she was tiny and petite, pretty, an only child and it was always quiet in her home. We were also in the Girl Scouts together, my mother was a troop leader and we often did things together.

I left Texas just before the end of eighth-grade and moved to many different places but I never forgot my friend Pattie. Every year without fail, when St Patty’s Day rolled around, I would think of her; I wondered where she was and and how her life turned out.

In 1997 ‘Classmates’ had been around a few years and I joined. I searched what would have been my graduating class of 1974. Pattie was on there and I sent her an email. Months past, months became a year and I never heard anything from her. Then about a year and a half after I first wrote her, I got an email. She’d been without a computer for a while and had just gotten back online. It was the rebirth of something wonderful. We exchanged long emails and we had long talks on the phone. It was one of those weird things that you can be friends and not see each other for 30+ years and just take back up where you left off.

However, now our conversations were deeper and more meaningful. We shared are joys and sorrows of where life’s path had taken us. The grandiose life that I had a imagined Pattie lived, was just that… in my imagination. She, like a lot of us, had many wonderful moments and good times in life fringed with heartache and disappointments. The deeper conversations got, the more it became clear that our childhoods were also even more intertwined than we knew. My childhood perception of her perfect life behind the lollipops and candy canes was not reality.

So we stayed connected, sometimes months between calls and e-mails but always at Christmas, my birthday and always, always St Patty’s Day . One year on my birthday I got a card and inside were several pictures of the candy canes and lollipops in Holly Hills. On the back Pattie wrote, “Here Trish thought you’d like these.” Not quite as my childhood eyes remembered but a great gift just the same.

In 2006, we finally got together. Pattie came to Seattle we had a fabulous week together, we took the ferry to the islands, we toured Pikes Place market, we went to the glass museum, we shopped, and we talked… long talks.

The next year in 2007, a friend whose daughter had just moved to Texas, and I went to see Pattie in Seabrook/Kemah. She was living there and loved the laid back beach life, loved the people and breezy atmosphere near the water.

Pattie and I talked last in December 2007; she said life had been hectic, she had lost her mom earlier in the year.  She told me when things settle down would have a long talk. It was our last Merry Christmas to each other.  March 2008 came and I sent her birthday greetings on the  17th but heard nothing. St Patty’s Day past; I tried to call, I tried to e-mail, but could not reach her. my birthday nothing, Christmas 2008 nothing.  Then it was St. Patty’s Day again…2009 and I had not heard from Pattie in over a year.  I knew something was not right. I searched the internet, went back to ‘Classmates’ left her message, left messages with others that I knew she stayed in contact with…. nothing. After weeks of searching, I found her obituary online. Gone… far too soon.

Heartbroken but eternally thankful for the time we had reconnected and the fabulous week we spent together in Seattle.  We changed, but had not changed.  Our path crossed for a second time in life and we could see more clearly, with adult eyes and no misconceptions about what formed our bond.

So, here it is St Patty’s Day again… but it is really Pattie Kay’s Day and will be forever to me.