Faith

Unspoken Thoughts

emyloom Leave a comment

You know those thoughts that linger around your mind, ones that speak truths to you that you do not want to acknowledge, not even to your closest friends or spouse?

They capture a fear within. A fear that if they materialize into words you will forever regret giving them voice.

You rebuke them in your prayers, turning them over to God but they still whisper.

Then it happens. A quiet moment with your partner, your soul mate, the conversation opens to a crossroad with those thoughts.  One of you brushes the edge and the other realizes those thoughts are not only troubling you.

For the briefest second you look at each other as if you have each bared your soul and realize the reality those thoughts could become.  You look at the stark truth together and take a deep breath.

It is done. They are acknowledged to one another, you are not alone with them. You realize you share something very deep.  A message to your soul.

It is a relief. A moment that you realize how closely bonded you really are. You wonder if those thoughts are preparing you for some future time.

The thoughts still linger.  However, you won’t speak of it again.  Only once.

Once was enough to see into each others heart and know your deepest hidden unspoken thoughts are journeying together.

1 March 2014 at 06:08

A Mother’s Love

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If a mother’s love could heal,
No one would ever see
A heart that’s aching for so long
As I can see in thee.

If a Mother’s heart could heal,
The pain would say adieu
The despair and grief would melt away.
Your bright future would shine through.

If a mother’s love could heal,
Wounds would disappear:
Mighty strength would return
And the answers would be clear.

Oh if a Mother’s heart could heal,
I know mine would have done,
Because never has a heart so loved
As I have for you dear son (one).

Emyloom 2013©️

PGB

My Mind’s Wanderings

emyloom Leave a comment

For the past few days sitting quietly contemplating the events of the past two weeks, I have tried fitting the pieces into place. Where the huge decision that was faced two weeks ago was to commit to the Remicade treatment. How insignificant that decision seems now. Only three days later my son was facing major surgery and a few days after that a second surgery and then third surgery to control bleeding – to the point his life was in the balance.

When the bleeding started again three days later he again was rushed to ICU. There nurse Steve was methodically checking drains, monitoring his heart rate, drawing blood. Inside I was panicking, remembering Friday evening, wondering why they weren’t starting the transfusions because Friday it had taken so long to get the blood it seemed life was ticking away.

I, trying to remain calm, said to Steve, “you know from this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

He reassured me. He said that they had the blood type on hand, that if he needed they could get it within minutes, that they want to check the hematocrit levels, monitoring the rate of output on the drains, access whether the bleeding was slowing — do things carefully and in timely manner. Make sure every decision is based on the least risk to my son’s health. In the end, they did give him more plasma and blood; and with that the bleeding stopped.

So I’m here thinking about all of these things and I hear my words to Steve; “From this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

I think sometimes I do the same thing with God. I pray about situations, the future, what God’s plans are for my life and sometimes from this side it appears nothing’s is happening; but I understand that even though it appears that nothing is happening, God is in control. He knows all the details of our lives. He knows all the pieces that must fit together perfectly. He knows when we need life sustaining blood and when more extreme intervention is needed. He also knows when we just need to wait as he watches our vitals, checks where we are losing strength and then he refills us.

6 June 2013 at 17:59