Faith

Farthest Journey

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It is said, mostly in Chinese proverbs, that “A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step,” and “A thousand mile journey begins where one stands.” I have been fortunate enough to have traveled many thousands of miles to different places.

In 1977, I traveled from Houston Texas to Seoul, South Korea – 7035 miles. In 1991, I went to Celle, Germany from Seattle – 4964 miles. In 2000, I made my first trip to Israel – 6,816 from Seattle and in 2015 I traveled from Seattle to Brisbane, Australia for a total of 7,357 miles. So just by total distance traveled, Australia wins.

However, if we go back to the Chinese Proverb, about a journey beginning with a single step, the furthest I have traveled on foot was in 2001. At the time I was attending a Messianic congregation in Bellevue, WA. They had acquired a new property in Newcastle, the next town over and being part of a metropolitan area one really could not tell where one ended and the other began.

As part of this move they planned to walk with their Torah Scroll to the new location. The The Torah (or Pentateuch) contains the five books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. It is considered by the Jewish people as their gift from God, their guide to life filled with with His wisdom. According to Jewish tradition when a synagogue closes its doors or relocates, the Torah scrolls are moved by careful ceremony. It is said that the journey to the new synagogue is modeled on the journey the Jews made to the Promised Land with the Ark of the Covenant, and many believe they are carrying the heart and soul of the congregation.

The distance to the new location was 8.5 miles. At the time I was forty-six years old and JD, my youngest son, was twelve. We decided to join in the walk. Many people were preparing for the event by building up their endurance. When I was asked if I was “training,” I replied that I was not. I had been to both places and by car, I was healthy and it didn’t really seem to be an insurmountable task.

JD and I showed up early for the walk. The Torah was carried by different members of the congregation and anyone that wanted a turn at carrying the Torah was welcome to do so. The Torah was covered by a tent that was a Jewish prayer shawl (a Tallit) held up by a pole at each corner. There were four people carrying the poles and those positions were also switched out along the journey. We walked along the city streets, a group of maybe 40 of us, we sang, we shared stories, we laughed and waved to the curious passersby.

The trip went really well for the first say, 7.5 miles, then as the day warmed up I began to get tired. Also, as we entered Newcastle there was a slight incline that made the walk a little more difficult. As we got closer to the new location, other members began to join in the walk for the last mile. They were excited (not tired) and full of energy and it seemed the pace picked up a little. The last half mile, I really had to push myself.

At last we made the final turn to the new location, it was about a third of a mile (approximately 5 city blocks) up a steep incline. I was at the back of the pack by now and I literally drug myself to the top one-hard-push-at-a-time.

When we arrived there was singing and celebrating and food for all. I was hot and my face was as red as a beet. I stayed a short while but thought it best to head home while I could still move. When I got home it was about 3 in the afternoon. I took a shower, went to bed and didn’t not wake up until the next morning.

When I think about my journey, I think of the many journeys the Jewish people have made over the years and the hardships they endured when they were exiled and and thrown out of their homes, towns and countries. During the pogroms they left with the only the belongings they could carry on their back or maybe in small wagons. The treks were long and arduous but I am sure the Torah scrolls went with them.

There are approximately 2,350 steps in a mile for a woman my height. That day I only made a 20,000 step journey, far from a thousand miles, but it still started with a single step and a determination to finish.

My journey was a joyous celebration and although I did not prepare for the journey, my walk made me reflect on the tradition and how even during persecution and strife the Jewish people honored the Torah on every journey of a thousand miles they were forced to make.

8/12/23

Three Things

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1. Chris and I saw the movie ‘Golda’ yesterday. It is about Golda Meir and the Yom Kippur war in 1973. There was a lot of original footage.

It was especially poignant as it mirrored so many current events. Fifty years since the Yom Kippur War, and nothing much has changed in the players.

Israel is attacked – Israel fights back and defends itself —- other nations call for Israel’s restraint and apply pressure for ceasefire. Repeat. Again and again.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 says: “What has happened before will happen again. What has been done before will be done again. There is nothing new in the whole world.“

2. Below is a blog post from a lady that lives in Israel and writes under the name Forest Rain. Her writing touches my heart.

“Israel was soft with Gaza so they assumed we have no honor.

They broke into our homes, raped, tortured, burned, broke and butchered our people.

And in between, they opened our refrigerators, sat down at our tables and ate our food.

We don’t do all those horrible things.

But we will prove to them and everyone watching that we meant it when we said Never Again.

And that is why now we are in their homes.”

3. I read this X post from a journalist who watched the latest videos released by the Israeli government on the atrocities from October 7. It is so graphic and horrifying I will only post the text of the link here. If you dare to read it, remove the 3 x’s from the beginning then copy and paste into your browser.

xxxhttps://twitter.com/mrconfino/status/1724385046583234841?s=42&t=spSFBepIihN0cBLE1qt4Mw

“For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch.” ~Isaiah 62:1

I am here.

These radicals and terrorists are fueled by hate and indifference to life. Israel is like a mother defending her children. When attacked, mothers from all species will fiercely defend their young. Who would expect any less?

I sit often in disbelief in what is happening around the world… the world’s shock turned to blame, blame to animosity, animosity to hate.

So many times I’ve heard ‘Never Again’ and here we are AGAIN!!

My eyes do not want to see anymore, my ears to not want to hear anymore. My heart wants to stop aching. My only hope is to trust in God, his word says…

“Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand. The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life.” ~ Psalm 121:4-5; 7

In All Things Give Thanks

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It is November, and I am thankful for all things in my life. I often take this month to to take a special accounting of all the blessings in my life, whether they be large and small, and I share them each day. However, this year my heart feels heavy. I still remind myself everyday, I am just finding it hard to share when so many are suffering.

My hope in the future is waning and it seems everyday there is more and more discourse, more incidents that indicate we as a society are in trouble. I cannot escape the sense of foreboding or shut out the noise, the hate, or the insanity that I am bombarded with everyday, as it seems it is now every moment of everyday.

Truly, lately, I feel as the old hymn says…”This world is not my home.” and daily I am telling myself that, ” I am just passing through.”

Today two posts from the past expressions of gratitude brought me some peace. They reminded me that even in all the chaos around me and in the world, there is still so much to be thankful for. I can still count my blessings and be thankful when others are struggling. I do so with a humble heart knowing that I have done nothing to deserve even one blessing or even my next breath.

The first post follows this simple instruction from Psalm 69 says, “…praise the name of God with Song”… meaning to worship. When I sing and praise God it lifts my spirit, it eases my deep sighs and fill my heart with gratitude.

“I will praise the name of God with song, And exalt Him with thanksgiving.” Psalm 69:30 NASB

“I have learned that in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine or I can worship! And I can’t worship without giving thanks. It just isn’t possible. When we choose the pathway of worship and giving thanks, especially in the midst of difficult circumstances, there is a fragrance, a radiance, that issues forth out of our lives to bless the Lord and others.” ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The second post was more personal, of all the gifts I have received, my sons are among the greatest. They are unique and each one touches my heart in different way.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ~ Marcel Proust

This picture, taken in 1999, makes me smile each time I see it and I see it everyday. These three people are the ones that make me happy and bring joy to my heart. ❤️

It is November, a month for giving thanks. I thank God for everything because He has given me Everything.

Why Not Easter?

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Someone asked me yesterday why I don’t celebrate Easter. When I was young and attended the Baptist church it was celebrated as the resurrection of Jesus but we also dyed and hid eggs. At Easter I would also get a new dress, shiney new white patent shoes, and sometimes a straw hat, Then when my children were little, we dyed and hid eggs and did those easter bunny things. That tradition as faded away as they grew older and their childhood faded too.

About 20 years ago, I began to attending a Messianic congregation and learned the significance of Passover as related to the death and resurrection. There they celebrated Resurrection Sunday. Which is the Sunday following Passover which interestingly enough falls in the same week this year.

Like Christmas, I feel Easter is a man-created day of celebration. In addition, the dates were set to closely following the winter solstice and spring equinox days which some believe where chosen satisfy the pagan beliefs as a substitute for their holidays they had celebrated at the same time.

The date for Easter was established by the Nicene Counsel in 325 AD. It is has no connection with the biblical time frame of the resurrection, i.e., Messiah held the last supper at a meal around the Passover time and he was represented as the sacrifice to redeem us from sin and bondage by his blood — just as a lamb was sacrificed and its blood placed on the doorpost to save the first born of the Hebrew people from death as the angel of death passed over their houses that were marked with the “blood of the lamb.”

See reference from Britannica below;

“Fixing the date on which the Resurrection of Jesus was to be observed and celebrated triggered a major controversy in early in which an Eastern and a Western position can be distinguished. The dispute, known as the Paschal controversies, was not definitively resolved until the 8th century. In Asia Minor, Christians observed the day of the Crucifixion on the same day that Jews celebrated the Passover offering—that is, on the 14th day of the first full moon of spring, 14 Nisan (see Jewish calendar). The Resurrection, then, was observed two days later, on 16 Nisan, regardless of the day of the week. In the West the Resurrection of Jesus was celebrated on the first day of the week, Sunday, when Jesus had risen from the dead. Consequently, Easter was always celebrated on the first Sunday after the 14th day of the month of Nisan. Increasingly, the churches opted for the Sunday celebration, and the Quartodecimans (“14th day” proponents) remained a minority. The Council of Nicaea in 325 decreed that Easter should be observed on the first Sunday following the first full moonafter the spring equinox (March 21). Easter, therefore, can fall on any Sunday between March 22 and April 25.”

So in the end, I celebrate nothing religious on days that were designated by men. It is just my own personal thing. I don’t judge or criticize or place any significance to anyone who revers this holiday or Christmas. It is my own personal conviction and belief.

There is more but I won’t jump down that bunny trail. So Happy Resurrection Day and however we celebrate or recognize it, we should do it with a sincere and thankful heart.

The entire Britannica article here:

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Easter-holiday

Gratitude: Impactful People and Moments in My Life

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I am generally a very thankful person and have always made an effort to thank people for their kindness and the help they brought along my journey.  In thinking about this question, the ones below stand out as those that brought significant changes in my life.

A few years, ago I was talking my Rabstor (rabbi+pastor) of the congregation I was attending about fathers and or lack of them.  I told him I had one step-father who tried to fill the void and although he later left, he was there for 10 years.  From the time I was 3 until I was 13, he was the only father figure in my life.  He was a hard working man, doing mostly construction labor, but every penny he made he gave to support my mom and her three children.

During this discussion with my Rabstor, he asked me if I ever thanked him.  Since he left when I was 13, I thought I probably had not.  So the next week, I penned a long letter thanking him and acknowledging the sacrifices he made for us (me) and sent it.  Whether he received it I am not sure, but it never came back.  He would often call me on my birthday but the letter was never mentioned.

This is a weird one, but I thank my ex and the US Air Force.  Even though it was a foolish young and backward way of thinking, the fact that we married young and left that small town in Texas probably was the beginning of me seeing the world with broader eyes.

The ex took me away from a situation that could have buried me in the same place and the Air Force gave us stability and took us places from the most south easterly state to the most north westerly state, and to developing countries overseas.  I met people from all parts of the country and varied backgrounds, people who challenged my southern way of thinking and people who made me grateful for it. The Air Force also brought stability to our lives, financially, structurally and emotionally. It was a good life and I have many fond memories of the places we lived.

With the deepest love and gratitude, one I am eternally thankful to is Chris, my husband of 40 years. First and foremost, for loving me and my sons; for providing stability, for his hard work, for his generosity to others, for his optimism that never seems to fade, for loving me even when I was unlovable and never giving me reason to doubt that love.  His love has helped me to trust again and not fear rejection or loss.

Lastly, everyday I thank God for the big things and the small things in life.  I thank him for provision, for showing me again and again that He is ever present.  I thank him for the blue sky, for the peacefulness and beauty after the snow, for the multitude of flowers, for the people He has put on my path to help through this journey. He arranged reconnections that brought parts of my family back together and chance meetings of friends in the most unlikely places.   I thank him for the basics of life, even warm showers.  I thank Him that even though I toss and turn in my doubts, He never has given up on me.  

“Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. Day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.” ~ Me 11/ 15/ 2021

Field of Free Foxglove

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I came home Thursday evening and as it had not rained in the past three hours and no rain was expected for another three, I took the opportunity to mow the grass. The next rain break could be more than a week away and the grass would be two feet tall by then.

As I cruise around my 3.5 acres of lawn (moss and grass) I am in awe that almost the entire yard is flanked by fields of digitalis purperea commonly known as foxglove. It is not native to the Pacific Northwest; originally from Europe and Turkey it grows well with our cool temperatures and rain.

Digitalis purpurea is poisonous to both wildlife and humans but it is the source of the medication digitalis that is prescribed by doctors to strengthen the heart and regulate its beat.

I have over the years encouraged the spread of these tall beauties but never really managed more than a few patches scattered around the yard. Until this year, when several large fields appeared all around the edge of the forest. As I mowed, I stopped to admire them and took several photographs but none really captured their awesome beauty. After years of hoping for such a full display, seeing them brought joy to my mowing task.

I find mowing therapeutic, it doesn’t take a lot of thought and it is satisfying to watch the wild overgrown sections turn into an organized evenly trimmed lawn. Often when I mow, I use the time to sort out my thoughts and try to put to rest things that are troubling my heart. This week there was a lot on my heart. My ‘Old Friend’ who I wrote about a few weeks back, had lost her son in a tragic way just two days prior.

The pain and heartbreak is overwhelming. We can’t understand why but I want to see these beautiful large fields of foxglove as a sign that God cares for our hearts even in the most difficult times. I want to believe that even though our hearts are weak and broken right now, these free fields of foxgloves standing tall are a sign that even though it may take time, our hearts will be strong and the irregular beat that this sorrow, pain and grief has caused, will in time, return to a normal beat. It may never fully heal, the scar will remain, but we will go on and find beauty in life again.

Eight Years

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Not yet a decade but it seems like an eternity ago. I was struggling with things beyond my control. I had a crippling fear in my heart and I felt this overbearing sense of doom. Gripping fear, fear of loss, fear of what the future might hold. No way out. In all these these things I felt helpless and alone.

Now eight years later, I read my words from back then and see that even though I thought this was the depth of my worries, things did get worse and today the events remain unchanged. My husband and I have not conquered these thoughts but we have relinquished control, because the truth is in the bigger things of life, the things of life and death, we have no control. We can only have faith.

“He holds the life of every creature in his hand. He controls the breath of every human being.” Job 12:10 NIRV

March 1, 2014 6:08PM

You know those thoughts that linger around your mind, ones that speak truths to you that you do not want to acknowledge, not even to your closest friends or spouse?

They capture a fear within. A fear that if they materialize into words you will forever regret giving them voice.

You rebuke them in your prayers, turning them over to God but they still whisper.

Then it happens. A quiet moment with your partner, your soul mate, the conversation opens to a crossroad with those thoughts.  One of you brushes the edge and the other realizes those thoughts are not only troubling you.

For the briefest second you look at each other as if you have each bared your soul and realize the reality those thoughts could become.  You look at the stark truth together and take a deep breath.

It is done. They are acknowledged to one another, you are not alone with them. You realize you share something very deep.  A message to your soul.

It is a relief. A moment that you realize how closely bonded you really are. You wonder if those thoughts are preparing you for some future time.

The thoughts still linger.  However, you won’t speak of it again.  Only once.

Once was enough to see into each others heart and know your deepest hidden unspoken thoughts are journeying together.

December Down

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Portions of this may sound like a bit of a rant but bear with me as I reflect on the past month — its joys and frustrations.

December, the last month of the year. Work is winding down but keeping track of the past year and all the accounting that goes with year end, is just gearing up. Looking around at the piles of filing and stacks of unrecorded transactions, I try to assess how much I can get done before my December schedule takes hold.

Ahh yes, this place I call home is a beautiful place but for all its beauty it has its downfalls. Home is located at the foot of the Cascade range in direct line with the opening of the Snoqualmie Pass, when the weather comes and the wind blows … the power goes out. I really don’t like the wind, I don’t mind breezes but the wind, with fearsome 50-70 mile an hour gusts, is terrifying. This year “the weather” really started at Thanksgiving and it came with great force. Fortunately or unfortunately, however you may look at it, the wind is usually the most fierce at night.

Fortunate, because you can’t see the 150 foot trees bowing against the force of the wind doing pirouettes in the sky. Unfortunate, because the big branches break off the trees, hit the house and leave me to wonder what is next as I lie in the dark and listen to the carnage. Then it happens, the power flickers once and comes back on, the adjustable bed deflates. I re-adjust the bed, the power flickers again and comes back on. Then it is off for the count, the power company estimates 8 hours. At dawn it is all over and a peek outside reveals what it looks like a war zone. Although, having never seen a war zone, it is really unfitting to use that comparison. Really I know how blessed I am to live in a land where war is not an evil we have at a our doorsteps.

No power, no catching up work today.

Continue December, granddaughter arrives for 4 day visit with sweet little great-granddaughter, Lily. Nine months old she is delighted as we the tour of the Lights of Christmas at Warm Beach (although not warm). I enjoyed the sweet cuddles, listening to her jabbering about everything that catches her eyes and staring at this new life that is a small part of me, the wonder of it all and the realization that I am now, however impossible it seems, the older generation.

I would have like to jump right back into work but was delayed by yet another storm and power outage. Well, life and plans go on. Next stop Hawaii, and sunshine.

Hawaii, lush green landscapes, beaches, the rhythmic white cap waves methodically rolling to shore and the roaring sound as they crash against the rocks. This particular place we stay is a waterfront condo and from the balcony, I look down and see turtles swimming among the rocks. I find the sound of the surf so calming and relaxing that I am up every morning at four to listen to peaceful swooshing of the waves washing to and fro. A few days in, the local reports are that there is a storm rolling in. After seeing their storm, I find I like Hawaii storms better than Washington storms.

The pièce de résistance of the Hawaii trip was the reunion I had with my lifelong friend. This reunion was neither planned nor orchestrated but a serendipitous event that reassured me that there are powers in control that love me and take joy in making me happy. No amount of planning could have created a better scenario. See my post “Old Friends.”.

Good things only last so long. We return home to Washington to freshly fallen snow. I spend three quick days at the office where a large amount of time is spent opening a mountain of mail, paying bills and payroll —- still no progress on those previously noted tasks and I still have not completed this month’s invoicing.

Not to be defeated yet, I package up all the files and my laptop and head home for Christmas break thinking I will get it done over the long weekend. I started off with very good intentions but the cold and continuing rain dampen my enthusiasm. Oh, I forgot to mention amid the storms and wind, it had been raining constantly since the end of October.

Christmas day came without much fanfare. The “virus,” with variants old and new, has kept caution at a never-ending level. Plus an overnight snow and freezing temperatures made the roads hazardous. Dear hubby smoked a turkey on his Traeger and we had a feast fit for an entire royal court, not just the King. It was, the first time in forty years, Chris and I had Christmas dinner just the two of us, alone.

Six days left until the end if the year and the Christmas snow just kept falling. Over the next 36 hours it fell until more than a foot of snow was on the ground. Amazon cancelled my Fresh grocery delivery (no way they’re gonna navigate these treacherous roads for my $75 worth of groceries). Not a problem as we have enough leftovers to last for many days.

Monday, December 27, not going into the office, I finally organize myself enough in my big nest to complete the first draft of the invoices with only short breaks to go out and take pictures of the snow. So beautiful and peaceful. Peaceful in a different way than the waves. Looking out over the pure white blanket of snow on the ground and the thick layers hanging in the trees coating each branch it seems all should be right in the world… no disease, no war, no sorrow.

More snow Tuesday morning and more expected Wednesday the 29th. Right, now I’m thinking what’s the bother of going in on Thursday because Friday the 31st is the final holiday of the season.

So there you have it, December Down. The year is quickly approaching its end and all those work things I had planned for December can now wait. They will still be here in 2022.

Finally, as I look out and admire the new snow on top of the old snow… as if it perfectly arranged by fate, the power flicks off again.

Love Lifted Me

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I once wrote about whether serendipitous events were by coincidence or divine appointment and whether God can use any means to send specific messages. I believe an experience that touched my heart today is more than a coincidence and one of those times that God’s message was for me.

It started this morning when I posted this picture because today is six months since my mother passed. I woke up thinking of her and she has been on my heart all day and this evening.

In 2012, Chris and I took my mom to Israel with us; to say it was a challenge was an understatement. During that trip I realized how badly her dementia had become. Chris was a saint, because some days I lost my patience.

During the entire journey my mother sat behind me in the car and she hummed or sang the hymn “Love Lifted Me”. Over, and over again, for 10 days. I was convinced it was a power struggle and she was doing it just to spite me. Several times I tried to change the tune. I tried playing music on my iPhone (even gospel music which she loved) but “Love Lifted Me” continued. At some point and I don’t think I was very nice about it, I asked her to please stop.

This November I have been making a daily post about thankfulness and things in my life I am thankful for. I often start with a quote from wise people that have passed their wisdom down to us.

This day’s quote was, by Samuel Butler: “Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only. ”

Oh how true is that! I wrote about my heart that could be ugly and less than what God wants it to be. Reflecting back now I know, sadly some of days on that trip my heart was not where God wanted it to be.

So tonight I posted “Reflection of My Heart,”to my blog and logged onto Facebook to share it there. In my news feed were ‘suggested’ videos as usual and the first one up was Randy Travis singing “Love Lifted Me.”

Coincidence, I think not. I do not even own a Randy Travis CD, album or song. I picked a quote to write my “thankful” story without any particular situation in mind and my mother was on my heart because of the time since her passing. Three things came together today and combined they sent a message that struck deep in my soul.

Yes, I played the video of “Love Lifted Me” all the way through and my heart could hear my mom’s voice humming along in the backseat as we traveled through the Holy Land.

Here is the link. Randy Travis. Love Lifted Me

https://youtu.be/5KX-TnmSNqQ

Casting Cares

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This post came up in my Facebook memories from 10 years ago.

“Abba Father, thank You for walking with me in every season of life. Today, I cast all of my cares on You.”

Today I am still casting my cares on Him.

Last Tuesday I got a call that my mother was at the hospital. She had a blockage in her left peripheral artery and there was no blood flow to her leg. There was some discussion about her age, 87, and whether we should move ahead with surgery or say goodbye. The decision to do surgery would depend on the vascular surgeons assessment.

The surgeon called me at midnight Tuesday and told me he thought he could help her, but there were many risks and pitfalls along the way. She might not survive the procedure, they may not be able to restore blood flow below her knee which would bring a new set of problems and a host of other issues.

The decision was not hard for me, although she has dementia, she had still been moving around the nursing home being a wisecracker and spreading joy. I wanted to give her a fighting chance.

I arrived on Wednesday and she was in the ICU – it appeared that the blood flow was completely restored all the way to her toes but the first couple of days it waivered a few times and her heart was in Afib.

Today, they are moving her back to rehab. She cannot move her leg or toes and she has no sensation but pain and cold even though her foot is warm.

The doctor who saw her Tuesday night said he is amazed at how well her leg is doing. Best outcome for blood flow return he has ever seen. As far as no feeling in that leg (except for the pain) and inability to move it that will take time and physical therapy for that to return.

My sister and I are going to follow the ambulance back to the nursing and rehab facility and give her lots of love and kisses before she goes back inside. She will be in quarantine for 14 days.

I know the day will come when I will say my last goodbye, but it wasn’t this time and it’s not today.

This picture was the day after surgery and she had let me braid her hair. I took a picture today and she stuck her tongue out so you know that sass is back!

❤️ A multitude of thanks to the vascular surgeon Dr Helmer and his kindness. As well as all the staff at Ascension Providence Hospital in Waco.

Birthdays and New Life

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Birthdays and the accompanying wishes are designed to boost us into the new year recharging us with an overwhelming amount of love and encouragement. ~ trish

Another birthday gone by and as with many before I am bolstered with a happy heart full of love from all the love that has been poured into my life.

This year, I am especially grateful for a birthday that falls at the end of the year because, you know, what a crazy year it has been. Just when my spirit was feeling faint, I was sent showers of blessings by way of phone calls, texts, FB posts, cards and balloons. These were all sent with their own special message from friends and family.

I have spoken before about September and how it has always seemed a new beginning to me. It was beginning of the school year, my age ticked over another year and later in life I learned it is beginning of God’s timetable for the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) which often begins in September.

This year my birthday fell within the Ten Days of Awe (or Repentance) which are the the first ten days of the month of Tishri. It begins on Rosh Hashanah and ends on the holiest day in the Jewish calendar Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. These days are days for reevaluating how one lives day to day, repenting for misdeeds and a time of self introspection to weed out the sin and behaviors that fall short of God’s plan for life. Today, I am determined to make changes, to reassess my life and purpose.

This year more than ever there is a need to forgive ourselves, forgive others, turn our backs on sin and hate, and look forward to the new life and year ahead.

This year, once again, I am loved and encouraged. I am also thankful, always thankful because life is a gift.

Speak to Me

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How long Lord, how long?

No regaining what was lost
Is there not a cure?
Is there not an answer
To ease this pain?

How long Lord, how long?

It is seven years of suffering,
Seven years of fighting,
Seven years of youth gone
Seven years too long.

How long Lord, how long?

When can there be freedom?
Freedom from agony…
Freedom from medication…
Freedom from heartbreak ?

How long Lord, how long?

What was the crime for this?
What is the gain?
How can this be turned for good?
Don’t understand, I can’t see how.

How long Lord, how long?

Have the prayers fallen on deaf ears?
Was it my sin?
Will I ever see the joy
Will happiness and health return?

Lord, I wait.
Lord I cry out to you…
Lord please hear my plea,
Lord my prayers are exhausted.

How long Lord, how long?

Psalm 61:1-2
Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Photo: The Encounter painting by Daniel Cariola, located in Magdala, Israel

ANEVER

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I saw recently where someone wrote, “I am and always will be anever Trumper.”  When I first saw it I read “AN EVER” … I thought that’s an interesting way to support the president reversing the phrase. Then I realized they were really saying “A NEVER” unless it was an interesting parapraxis.

What a difference a space makes. A space that can turn something positive into a negative. I was intrigued by this little typo and wondered if i was “an ever” or “ a never”

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I want to be AN EVER faithful friend, an ever hopeful person with an ever positive outlook, someone an ever joyful heart, with an ever song on my heart and be an ever believer in the living God.

I pray I do not fall into the A NEVER side of life, a never happy spirit, a never loyal friend, a never helpful person, a never kind word to say, a never respecter of life, a never believer in a higher power.

The space before the “N” or after the “N” may determine your fate. Decide before “the end” because after will be too late.

 

Watercolor Image by Stephanie Ryan from 2019 Gratitude Calendar

Appointed Time

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4A403F71-69CB-412E-9EAF-F503AB6E5204Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. It is demonstrated to me again this year in my Thanksgiving cactus. It is possibly 25 or more years old and it is large. It needed a larger pot years ago, I sometimes forget to water it, and yet every year it blooms at its appointed time  

On a larger scale the day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.

 

 

Intersections

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Warning.  Old ladies must be careful and stop at all intersections. I got a call this morning… someone asking me to take them to the ER in Issaquah. We got there at 9 by 11:30 the doctors had decided to do a test and they asked me to step out of the room. 

I came out and started down one of those long hospital corridors when all of a sudden BAM… I felt like I was hit by a bus.  I went flying across that 10ft hallway, landed on my arse, and hit the wall with my head.  It was not a big yellow bus, but it was a young 6’ something Justin-bus of the human male species.  

60E01375-A8F8-460E-9C69-FA202524CE58A lady came running out if the ER and after a few minutes and accessing everything, I got up.  She asked me if I wanted to see a doctor but my thought process said no  – they were swamped and other than my wounded sense of dignity, and a sore wrist, hip and head everything still moved.  I didn’t want to waste time for someone to say, “Looks like you got knocked on your rear!” Therefore, I declined.

I could make some comparisons here, such as, the other intersections in life that catch you off guard.  The loss of a loved one, a tragic diagnosis,  dealing with aging parents, aging and retirement. These intersections should also be approach with caution.  Take the time to look both ways and reflect on all possibilities  and outcomes.  Should you get sidelined, stop, take a deep breath, pick yourself up and move forward.  Life is a highway with many crossroads. Proceed with caution but stay on the road to the final destination. And…

Always slow down at intersections!!

~ Oh September

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Good night August and Good Morning September!

I Love September!  The last few warm days of Summer – cool crisp air in the mornings with that unique September scent. It reminds me of early morning walks to the school bus stop.

I love it because some of my favorite people were born in September – my grandmother, my Auntie, many of my “sisters” and me.

The new year is January 1st but September to me always seemed like a new start. Probably because it was the beginning of the school year and because my age ticked over another year but later in life I learned it is the beginning of God’s timetable for the New Year (Rosh Hashanah) which often begins in September. It makes sense now. It’s a time for a change, reassessing my life and purpose; turning my back on what’s behind and looking forward to the year ahead.

So Happy September everyone! Be blessed and enjoy

Unspoken Thoughts

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You know those thoughts that linger around your mind, ones that speak truths to you that you do not want to acknowledge, not even to your closest friends or spouse?

They capture a fear within. A fear that if they materialize into words you will forever regret giving them voice.

You rebuke them in your prayers, turning them over to God but they still whisper.

Then it happens. A quiet moment with your partner, your soul mate, the conversation opens to a crossroad with those thoughts.  One of you brushes the edge and the other realizes those thoughts are not only troubling you.

For the briefest second you look at each other as if you have each bared your soul and realize the reality those thoughts could become.  You look at the stark truth together and take a deep breath.

It is done. They are acknowledged to one another, you are not alone with them. You realize you share something very deep.  A message to your soul.

It is a relief. A moment that you realize how closely bonded you really are. You wonder if those thoughts are preparing you for some future time.

The thoughts still linger.  However, you won’t speak of it again.  Only once.

Once was enough to see into each others heart and know your deepest hidden unspoken thoughts are journeying together.

1 March 2014 at 06:08

A Mother’s Love

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If a mother’s love could heal,
No one would ever see
A heart that’s aching for so long
As I can see in thee.

If a Mother’s heart could heal,
The pain would say adieu
The despair and grief would melt away.
Your bright future would shine through.

If a mother’s love could heal,
Wounds would disappear:
Mighty strength would return
And the answers would be clear.

Oh if a Mother’s heart could heal,
I know mine would have done,
Because never has a heart so loved
As I have for you dear son (one).

Emyloom 2013©️

PGB

My Mind’s Wanderings

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For the past few days sitting quietly contemplating the events of the past two weeks, I have tried fitting the pieces into place. Where the huge decision that was faced two weeks ago was to commit to the Remicade treatment. How insignificant that decision seems now. Only three days later my son was facing major surgery and a few days after that a second surgery and then third surgery to control bleeding – to the point his life was in the balance.

When the bleeding started again three days later he again was rushed to ICU. There nurse Steve was methodically checking drains, monitoring his heart rate, drawing blood. Inside I was panicking, remembering Friday evening, wondering why they weren’t starting the transfusions because Friday it had taken so long to get the blood it seemed life was ticking away.

I, trying to remain calm, said to Steve, “you know from this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

He reassured me. He said that they had the blood type on hand, that if he needed they could get it within minutes, that they want to check the hematocrit levels, monitoring the rate of output on the drains, access whether the bleeding was slowing — do things carefully and in timely manner. Make sure every decision is based on the least risk to my son’s health. In the end, they did give him more plasma and blood; and with that the bleeding stopped.

So I’m here thinking about all of these things and I hear my words to Steve; “From this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

I think sometimes I do the same thing with God. I pray about situations, the future, what God’s plans are for my life and sometimes from this side it appears nothing’s is happening; but I understand that even though it appears that nothing is happening, God is in control. He knows all the details of our lives. He knows all the pieces that must fit together perfectly. He knows when we need life sustaining blood and when more extreme intervention is needed. He also knows when we just need to wait as he watches our vitals, checks where we are losing strength and then he refills us.

6 June 2013 at 17:59