abuse

Broken Valentine

emyloom Leave a comment

I honestly don’t understand why life has to be so complicated. Abuse ~ the improper treatment of individuals, involving harm… physical, sexual, emotional or financial.

I have experienced abuse, but I think the hardest to comprehend is that that comes from your children… or grandchildren. I don’t think it is unique to Generation X, stories go far back of children abusing their parents or grandparents, blaming them for their own issues and shortcomings and then throw daggers at their hearts and walking away. Just read the story of the prodigal son.

Like the prodigal son, sometimes they realize that they were wrong and they return. They reestablish a relationship and sometimes it is broken forever.

Drugs and alcohol abuse can can and does prevent reconciliation. The abuser cannot see any perspective but their own. If one does not agree to, or yield to, their every demand they are verbally abused, blamed, belittled and they take out their anger on their loved one and then project their issues onto their loved one.

I found this poem twenty years ago online. It was on an online bulletin board which no longer exists. I have looked for it online since without success. Whoever Dusty is, she experienced that deep, deep hurt that stings and breaks your heart. She succinctly captures the depth of the pain.

Nothing one can do, but wait it out. Pray for them, pray for a renewal of that close relationship but while you wait protect your own heart.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ~Proverbs 4:23

The Bottom Line:  Love is a fragile thing needing tender care. When it’s abused, even for a second, you grieve for its loss and pray you can survive to love again.

I cannot breathe today
For the hurt lodged in my lungs.

My heart is mired in yesterday’s sorrow
When your silent anger blistered and stung.

That anger is forever cemented in my mind
Where you caused blood to mix with hot tears

As you carelessly wounded a tender heart
Stripping away the pride and replacing it with fears.

Your cold heart was my shadow all day
My sandpaper shower scrubbed my skin raw.

I had blood between my fingers and splinters in my hands
I bathed in yesterday where your cruelty was all I saw.

Did you put on your Sunday best
To spackle my heart with mud?

Was the acid I drank from your rusted cup
Meant to destroy me in my own blood?

I solemnly declare you can no longer touch me there
A box of steel in an abyss of truth is reserved just for you.

Heed my words for I speak only the truth
You brought me to my knees as only a child can do.

Some day when you’re all alone and your thoughts turn to me
The hurt you feel will be like no other

As you realize just how much you lost
When you destroyed the heart of your mother.

Dusty
From the Internet –(ddustyrose from Epinions 2005)

Photo credit: Luke Jones at Unsplash

Silence – Cowardice or Wisdom

emyloom Leave a comment

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately and that is my reluctance to voice my opinion on political or controversial topics openly.  I remain silent often and it causes me to wonder, am I a coward, or is it wisdom or something else?

I learned silence at a young age, it was taught in our home.  I can still hear my mother say, “What happens in our house is our business.”  Meaning. Don’t tell anyone about how you are beat with a belt, the fights, and the abuse.  Remain silent, keep secrets.

Others said, “This is our secret.” Meaning: Don’t tell anyone that I am molesting you (I didn’t even know that word) but I knew it was not right.

Also.  “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”   This one I think was the most useful.  It is most likely the reason I keep a lot of thoughts to myself except for on this blog.  Sometimes ranting about things says more about oneself than the person which is the topic of the rant.

I am content with my beliefs; beliefs about God, about politics, about people.  I don’t find a need to have anyone believe the same as I do.  I won’t force my beliefs on them and I don’t need them to force theirs on me.

Lately however, there are many who become unhinged at people who voice views and opinions which differ from theirs. If you disagree you are a ______ (fill in the blank) racist, bigot, religious radical, pacifist… degenerate of some form.

Those who prefer not to remain silent seem to be everywhere and in my face.  They want others to hear what they believe and they want them to embrace it. They repeat their views over and over again and shout them louder and louder.  Neither of these tactics are effective nor do they make it true for me and many others.

So I remain silent.

I understand the “Silent Majority” and I believe I am one of the members of this group.  It is often fear that prevents me from speaking; I do not want to engage in any argument with people who disagree or have rabid views.  I don’t want to be ridiculed, villainized, disciplined or enlightened.

The numbers of the silent majority may be known very soon and when the time comes, I will privately make my voice heard.

owl

The verse inside the graphic has always been one of my favorites.  There are several versions and one that was used during WWII was used to remind the soldiers their silence saves lives.