Famous or Remembered

Never, ever, ever have I ever wanted fame.  As an introvert I prefer the shadows to the limelight.  Furthermore, if I am put in an even mildly public situation, I turn to jello.  Please do not point me out. Do not ask me to stand in front of a crowd. By all means, do not expect me to speak. I feel uneasy, I stumble over my words and I cannot form one coherent thought.  All of this leaves me looking like a socially awkward simpleton.

Other than being an introvert and wanting no attention directed at me, one of my mother’s mantras that was drilled into my head was, “Fool’s names and fool’s faces are always seen in public places.”  The message here was, “Do not do anything to draw attention to yourself.”  Especially anything embarrassing.

That mantra of my mother’s often comes to mind these days when I see politicians. They all must be equipped with extraordinary large egos. It seems their desire for power, fame and celebrity leads them to making claims which are undampened by reality. Maybe being a fool these days doesn’t carry the same stigma as it did in the past.

On the flip side I do hope to be remembered. Remembered by those who I have extended a helping hand. People that I have listened to or sat with in times of need, people I have given a place to rest, or people that needed help in a time of crisis whether financial or spiritual.

Yes, please remember me. I pray most will remember me fondly however sadly I am sure there are those who remember me disdainfully. In my heart I know I never did anything with malicious intent but sometimes spirits do not align.

A saying I have adopted as a motto was this one my grandmother, Alease Andrews, wrote in my autograph book when I was 12…”In the garden of your heart, let me be a forget-me-not.”

Remember what you will, just remember.

Every Anniversary is A Step to Healing

Four years, four years ago today my mom passed from this world to her forever home. I think of her often.

I analyze and reanalyze every significant event from my childhood until the day she passed.

As the years pass, I see more clearly that our relationship was like many other mother/daughter relationships… always evolving, with ups and downs, give and take, frustrations and acceptance.

In the end, I was by her side. I held her hand, I sang hymns to her and I prayed for God to take her home and end her suffering. God answered that prayer on Pentecostal Sunday. The day God sent his Holy Spirit as a comfort to us, he took her home.

I knew her passing was inevitable and I thought was prepared. I thought I had already grieved over the prior few weeks but the moment she passed, I was overwhelmed with unexpected emotions. Our journey was over.

Below is a blog post from several months before she past. I had visited her but because of Covid we had limited visits. In that time, however, we made our peace.

January 2021

No Fight Left … Only Love

I saw my mother yesterday. She was a little confused and in quarantine because of her latest hospital visit. 

Over the years my mother and I have had our shared joy and trials, times when we saw eye-to-eye and many times that we clashed. There were times I felt suffocated and pulled away and times she clung tighter.

The last few years because of her decline into dementia it seemed the clashes were more frequent and heated. I was not-so-affectionately called the “bossyone” In reality, I was trying to enable the very thing she wanted, to remain independent in her home, by making sound decisions and managing her finances. 

An unfortunate fall in 2018 lead her to rehab where she could no longer hide her advancing dementia.

We have been through a process the past three years. Just as infant grows and advances at a rapid pace between birth and four years. It seems dementia takes a turn and in three short years my mothers abilities have declined at a rapid pace.

She had surgery in October and the decline has been even more sharp since then. When I saw her this week she was so frail and helpless, she stared off into space as a newborn does when it is seeing the strange new world for the first time. She found comfort in being held, holding my hand and was soothed by the sound of music – the old hymns she would play for hours. The words to those she has not forgotten.

We have gone from my birth and total dependence, to growing, changing, challenging, disagreements, coming together, growing apart, to facing the honest truth of our relationship. Then it reversed: growing apart, coming together, disagreements, challenging, changing (especially in my views about her illness and motives), to her growing old and total dependence on others.

Now she just wants to be loved, be safe and protected. We have come full circle from the newborn daughter a mother held in her arms 65 years ago to yesterday as a daughter held her innocent elderly mother in her arms.

I braided her hair and put the pearl necklace on her that my auntie sent. Girls should always wear their pearls.

There is no fight left, what is left is only pure love.

The Way to Isandlwana

One year ago today I was in South Africa traveling to the Isandlwana Battlefield. In January 1879 it was the site of the first major encounter of the Anglo-Zulu War.

This trip was part of a group tour with the graduates of the 1973 Nottingham University Mining Dept. It was a 50 year anniversary/reunion for them. Ten guys and their wives including my husband Chris and me.

To be honest when I read the itinerary included this stop, I thought it was really a guy thing. I was not interested, but it was their celebration and after all they were all guys, therefore it was a stop of interest.

We started the journey on the seaside in Durban and travelled 5+ hours by coach to Isandlwana. The countryside was beautiful and I took many pictures of the villages and locals along the way.

We stayed at the Isandlwana Lodge. The lodge is cut into the rockface of Nyoni Rock with an expansive view of the mountain and battlefield below. The entire lodge is shaped like a shield, and built with rock and thatch to resemble the native huts. Per the Lodge’s website, the lodge was opened in 1999 and was formally opened by Prince Mangosuthu Buthelezi, a direct descendant of King Shaka.

Just the beauty of the lodge and the serenity of the surrounding area made this a magical place. Hard to believe this magical serene space witnessed a brutal horrific battle.

The whole sordid story is too long and complicated to recount here but for three days we had the most magnificent guide, Thulani, who told the story in such captivating detail that I wish I could have recorded the entire visit.

In a nutshell it goes like this: 1) British Empire decides they want Zululand; 2) the Zulu King doesn’t agree; 3) war ensues; 4) over confident British commander camps at Isandlwana; 5) Zulu King and his forces overpowered the armed British with only spears and shields; 6) a majority of the 1700 British troops were killed; 7) after a series of battles over the next several months the British gain control of Zululand; 8) in 1887, Zululand was declared British territory.

In walking the battlefield, I was surprised to see most all of the monuments were to British officers and troops. Well, makes sense as most of them were erected by the British after they took control. However one would have thought in recent years there would be monuments to honor the Zulu warriors who fought for their land.

I asked Thulani and he told me that a monument had been dedicated to the Zulu’s in 1999. It was commissioned by the KwaZulu Monuments Council to commemorate the Zulu army involved in the battle and it was unveiled on its 120th anniversary.

It was a large replica of a necklace of valour worn by deserving Zulu warriors. Just two months before our visit the monument was cut into pieces and stolen. A small section that was left had been moved to the porch area of the small museum.

Istock photo of Zulu Monument

So that’s the story. One year ago I surprised myself by a visit to a place I thought I had no interest in seeing. Not only was I in awe of the beauty of the lodge and surrounding landscape, I also learned about the sad history of the land.

A SuperMAN Story

Today is national Superman Day, but more importantly today is the birthday the Superman/SuperSON in my life.

At age 6, he was Superman everyday. He created the whole outfit from Underoos, pajamas and red socks which he wore under his clothes everyday. When he was not incognito, his cape consisted of a large red towel.

We lived in the Denver area and I worked in a secure building for Citibank. One day he was sent the door by his dad to let me know they were there to pick me up. He rang buzzer and security opened the door to let him in.

He was covered in a long sleeve shirt buttoned to the very top and long pants to cover his real identity. He told the lady who answered the door, “I’m really Superman! Do you want to see?”

Luckily, I showed up before he completely blew his cover.

He was fearless. This picture was taken in 1981 at barbecue at our house. Just moments before, a friend, Brad, had hoisted him onto the roof. Thankfully, I intervened before he decided he could fly.

These days he is more of a Batman fan. I even set a custom Batman ringtone on my phone for him.

Superman or Batman, he is a super hero in my heart. Not just for me but for countless others whose aid he came to over his many years of public service.

He has always brought joy to my heart, made me smile, made me proud, and let me know I was loved.

Happy Birthday Aaron Kelly!

Feature photo: DC Comics

April 12, 2025

Tonight is the first night of Passover. Other than the significance of this special holiday, the fact that Passover falls on this date takes me back nineteen years when my paternal grandmother ascended into glory on April 12, 2006 – the first night of Passover.

Remembering Alease Virginia Andrews today and giving thanks for Passover, a day that foreshadowed God’s salvation from everything that holds us in bondage.

https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2023/06/02/just-one-more-time/

Jacque: A Modern Woman of the 60’s Generation

My first job was at Pixie Preschool in Tampa, Florida. I was 16 years old. It was about 2 miles from where I lived. I rode my bike to work with my son Adam in a child seat on the handlebars. My boss was Jacque. She was a single mom with two children, the youngest Andi, a girl, had a disability. She suffered a lack of oxygen during birth, and although her speech was slow, she was very clever.

Jacque started her own daycare partially because it would enable her to spend more time with Andi and guide her development. It would also give her interaction with other children. She did not want Andi isolated, unable to attend school, the way children with disabilities were in the early 70’s. It was only in 1975 that a federal law was passed that provided every child with a disability to a free, appropriate public education.

Jacque was a very modern women for the time. The Helen Reddy song, “I Am Woman” was popular at that time, and it was the epitome of Jacque. She was independent, a business owner, smart, confident, liberated, empowered and funny.

Jacque was probably in her early to mid-30’s. She was part of the 60’s generation women’s rights movement that effected so many changes for women in the west. In 1960, women were given the right to use the pill as a contraceptive, obtain credit in their own name without having their husband co-sign, until 1969 women could not attend Yale or Princeton and could not attend Harvard until 1977, and it wasn’t until 1973 that women could serve on juries in all 50 states.

Growing up in the south Texas, the women of that age who were in my life weren’t quite as liberated as Jacque appeared to be. I was excited to be around her and learn from her.

I have a few pictures of my days there and the children. Strangely enough while clearing out some things recently, I found a Christmas card picture of Jacque’s kids, Greg and Andi. Greg would be in his 60’s now as I was 16 and he was 9.

Looking at the picture, I wonder where they might be today, and how life evolved for them.

Today is International Woman’s Day and although it has some controversial origins, it is a day to celebrate women. Jacque was one woman who helped shape my life and help me see the possibilities for the future. Today I honor her. She would be in her 80’s now. I would google her but I can remember everything about her, except her last name.

Revisiting – No Fight Left ~ Only Love

In this month of love I am reblogging this post about one of the last sweet visits I had with my mom.

It was a January visit and I came down because she had a brief hospital stay. When she came back to the nursing facility, she had to be an isolation because Covid protocols were still being practiced.

I am so thankful I had these few days with her, even though visits were limited to one hour because of Covid.

After this visit, I came home and did not return until Mother’s Day in May. When I saw her, she had declined dramatically.

We had no conversations, and she was in so much pain and agony. It was hard to see her suffer.

This one day in January was a beautiful final chapter of the era of dementia. It was a healing day for me and it helped me walk with my mother through her final days.

https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2021/01/10/no-fight-left-only-love/

What’s on Your Mind

I logged into Facebook this morning and there in shadowy letters was a question prompting me to respond: What’s on your mind?

My mind is on the hostages in Gaza. Hundreds of murderers, rapists and terrorist are being release to gain their freedom.

These prisoners are released from Israeli jails well-fed and in good health. But the hostages? They are injured, starved, abused and tortured. How is this happening in 2025 when just 70 years ago the world proclaimed Never Again? Never Again!!!

The hostages that were released last week came with news of this young man (see link). He is one of many remaining in this hamas hell.

Still no news of Shiri Bibas and her two small children. I pray they are alive. What is the reason for continuing to hold such innocent helpless children.

These terrorists have perfected cruelty. Cruelty and evil that is impossible to understand.

My hearts is grieving for them all.

https://www.facebook.com/share/167oipyuZa/?mibextid=wwXIfr

For first hand information on life in Israel and well-thought analysis of the war and lives of hostages and their families follow Forest Rain Marcia on substack.

https://forestrainmarcia.substack.com

Released – Eema is There

I am watching the release of three young women from captivity. The first of the hostages released in the ceasefire deal between Israel and Gaza.

The newscaster comes on and says…the mothers of the three women will be there at the point of release. Suddenly I am overcome with emotion. I try to repeat what he said and I am so choked up I am unable to speak.

Who do they want the most when they are delivered from the hell after 471 days?

Only their mother, their mom, their mum, their Eema. If only for a moment, only she can bring them to a place of peace. Only she can reassure them, hold them so close that they can hear her heart beat. The first heart they heard while still in the womb. Her heart.

I am praying that at the sound of their Eema’s heart they will be overwhelmed with a sense of tranquility that takes them back to the place of security and protection. A time where they knew no horrors, terror or fear.

In their Eema’s heart they knew only love.

Hebrew media reports that the IDF has asked the mothers of the three hostages to come to a meeting point at a base next to the Gaza border. From there they are to accompany their daughters as they are taken to the hospital.”
The Times of Israel, January 19, 2025

Eema (pronounced EE-muh)Mother; mom; Website: My Jewish Learning

And So it Ends

The Lord’s acts of mercy indeed do not end, For His compassions do not fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 NAS

This year, as in many others, I have spent the past few days reflecting on the past twelve months… its joys and sorrows.  

The highlight of my year was in May when Chris and I went to South Africa on a trip with his college buddies and their wives.  I was a little apprehensive about the trip, not knowing anyone, but in the end I formed some awesome friendships.

The country of South Africa was so beautiful, the wildlife, the scenery, the people, the history, it was all an awe inspiring experience. So amazing I can’t believe I didn’t write about it. I did upload photos and some narratives as we travelled on my photo blog.

Part of the reason I didn’t write about my trip as soon as I returned, was because I was instantly plunged into a healthcare issue. I required surgery within only a few weeks that consumed all my time, concentration and energy.  Thankfully everything was sorted out with surgery and a few months of recovery time.

In September, I made a whirl wind trip to Texas starting in Austin. I visited my cousin Debbie in a nursing facility. I saw her daughter my 1st cousin once removed and her new baby (1st cousin twice removed). I had lunch with my friend Debbie just south of Austin. Then, I drove 170 miles to an area just outside of Houston.

That evening I had a lovely dinner on the shores of Lake Conroe with a lady who worked with me 26 years ago. It was warm night and so relaxing listening to the water lapping against the rocks. We laughed and shared stories together as if no time at all had passed.

The next morning I got up and met my niece for breakfast along with her mom and my three grand nieces. After breakfast, I drove north and stopped in Centerville for quick visit with a childhood friend. Finally, made my way to Corsicana to see my sister.

Paulette and I spent several days catching up and visiting friends and family. Together we completed a long overdue task at mother’s grave. After having driven over 600 miles in a week, I drove to Dallas and flew home. It was a full busy trip. I got home tired but with a heart full of love.

Sadly the review of every year ends with memories of those we lost. The most tragic loss for us was in November when 17-year-old son of a dear friend drowned. Hard to accept and understand why someone dies so young. 

Additionally, in the past month, two friends and my sweet cousin, Debbie, passed away.  I am so thankful I had that visit with her in September.

For the past several years, at the new year, I read the poem God Knows. A poem written by Minnie Louise Haskins in 1908. More about the poem and my thoughts in this blog post from 2020.

This is the end, and tomorrow I begin again looking ahead to 2025. I do so heeding the guidance given by Ms. Haskins.

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” 

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.

And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

Christmas

For 35 years Chris and I have celebrated Christmas with the same friends on Christmas day. One year quite by accident a tradition was born of writing a poem on Christmas Eve.

I have over 30 of these poems, some funny, some reflective, and some downright Scrooge-ish. In 2017, compiled all these poems into a book that I had printed and gave to some friends and family.

Over 20 years ago, I gave up all the traditional wrappings of Christmas, no tree, no lights, no cards, and no frantic preparations. However, I still find meaning and reflecting on the end of the year and the season of peace and hope. 

Sharing this poem from 2007 and wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and happy holiday season in whatever way you choose to celebrate. May you have joy, faith, hope, love and most of all Peace.

Sometimes Life Gets You Down

I am down tonight, it has been building for weeks but tonight I feel it intensely. It is a combination of many things. 

The first week in November, the 17 year old son of a close friend died in a drowning accident. 

He was a bright, kind, and joyful child.  In his obituary his parents wrote;

“He will be remembered for his unmitigated joyfulness, his natural curiosity, and his wholehearted enthusiasm. He lived fully. In his seventeen years of life, he traveled extensively and visited many places including Belize, the Galapagos Islands, Fiji, New Zealand, and Samoa. He enjoyed exploring and experiencing the world… He loved camping and felt at home sleeping under the stars. He could be found cooking homemade meals for his family, teaching himself to play the piano, or gaming with friends. He did not squander his life. He stepped into it with a big smile and his wonderful curly hair, awake and wholehearted.”

No doubt many have heard, “No parent should ever have to bury their child.” It is true.

Secondly, my son who has been battling IBD and autoimmune pancreatitis for 14 years has been in the hospital for a month. He came home today, but he is not well. 

He was equally a charming child. He had a magical childhood as well. He traveled the world with us. He raised chickens (they were his pets), then he became interested in aquaculture. He formed a website for the reef community at 14, he started a computer cloud company at 20. He had a bright and promising future when IBD reared its ugly head. At 22, his colon perforated while he was in the hospital. He was bleeding internally. After 3 surgeries and 8 weeks in hospital he came home. A year later he nearly bled to death after a scope procedure and biopsy.  Then year after year it seems the problems just piled on. 

Today he is on a lot of medication, he’s in a lot of pain, and it seems the medical community has given up on helping him. It’s incredibly sad when you have to fight a disease and you have to fight the medical community too. 

I have prayed so many prayers for my son. The other day I pleaded with God, I asked, what is the answer? Is there anybody that can help him? So far the answers have not come. 

Added to this, I got a call this morning that my cousin died. I just saw her in September. She was five years older than me in the last 15 or so years we reconnected and became closer.  She was beautiful, she was intelligent, loving and kind.  

She was a RN and with continuing education, got her masters degree. She worked for years at the VA hospital in Albuquerque as a counselor.

Sadly, several years ago, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and declined very quickly. 

When I saw her in September, she was unable to carry on a conversation. When I arrived, she looked up at me and smiled. I said to her, “Hi Debbie, it’s your cousin, Trish”  She looks straight at me and replied, “I know.”  That was the most comprehendible conversation we had that day. 

I asked her to take a picture before I left. I held up the phone and smiled to take a selfie.  She leaned her head over to touch mine and shut her eyes.

I am forever grateful for the visit that day. When I got home in Washington, I reflected on my visit with her. I felt she would grieve if she understood, she would not want to live that way.  I told my husband I never want to live that way.  Just existing with all dignity and autonomy lost. 

Finally, it is winter. It is dark, dreary and cold outside. I feel dark, dreary and cold inside.  

A slowly brewing state of grief, downheartedness, and sorrow in my soul. 

Praying this season in my soul passes quickly. When winter is over I pray I will see and feel the new hope of spring. 

Deborah Ruth – Rest in Peace

Exploring Comfort Food: My Favorite Meals

All you have to do is look at me and know that I love food. There are some foods that I can bring to memory that I imagine I will never have the opportunity to savor again.

When I lived in Korea there was a dish called Bulgogi, meaning “fired meat.” It is thinly sliced marinated meat then grilled or stir-fried. It was so tender and sweet yet spicy.

In Florida, I loved the boiled peanuts you could buy at the roadside fruit stands. They were boiled in a huge kettle and the stand owner would scoop them out with a strainer and put them in a triple lined paper bag. I know it was not really a meal but after eating nearly the whole bag it felt like a meal.

Finally, I love Mediterranean food. One of the things to look forward to when traveling to Israel is the food. Especially shawarma, which is marinated roasted meat, a variety of picked or chopped veggies topped with garlic or tahini sauce all wrapped in a warm pita.

However, overall the best meal I have ever eaten is a combination of many meals I’ve had on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day. Roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and yeast rolls loaded with butter. My mother would make southern cornbread dressing and celery stuffed with cream cheese and olives. She also made ambrosia, supposedly the food of the gods, made with many layers of sliced oranges, sugar, shredded coconut, and maraschino cherries. All this was topped off with sweet potato pie.

Maybe because we only had this meal a couple of times a year it made it special and highly anticipated. Unfortunately, the only thing that is low-calorie in this meal is maybe, the turkey!

I have never been able to duplicate my mother’s cornbread dressing but might have come close. In the past thirty plus years we have had a British Christmas dinner with friends. Still with roast turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and yeast rolls loaded with butter, but the cornbread dressing has been replaced with Chris’s chestnut stuffing. Different, but awesome in its own way.

I have also experienced a new side dish, new to me anyway, it is called bread sauce. It is made with white bread, milk and spices. It sounds strange but is so good with turkey and gravy. The sweet potato pie is replaced with plum pudding, also known as Christmas pudding. Not a creamy pudding we think of but a combination of dried fruit (raisins, prunes, apricots, currants), suet, bread crumbs, eggs and spice all mixed together, aged and then cooked in a sealed container in a water bath. Plum pudding is something I have never acquired a taste for… It comes out looking like a dark brown to black fruit cake. It is doused in brandy and set afire then served with rum sauce. I do eat it though. I get a very small amount, drench it in the rum sauce and hold my breath and eat. I don’t let my lack of love for plum pudding spoil the day. It is all part of the tradition.

The thing that makes the Thanksgiving and Christmas meals taste even more awesome, if that is even possible, is the fact that over the years I have enjoyed it with many people I love. Everyone knows that everything’s better with loved ones beside you.

Gratitude

GRATITUDE: “If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner
Looking back through the history of just my life, I am wondering if I can find good in every situation? This is a tall order. It cannot be done with my own power but only by endeavoring to see it through the lens of God’s eyes.
Yes, there were hardships and obstacles that dominated my youth but they helped form who I am today. In many ways I think those experiences help me look at others who struggle with a compassionate heart and less of a judging mindset.
In the bigger picture of things I AM SO BLESSED. I really have nothing to complain about, yet I do complain. Praying my grumbles are be at a minimum today.

Giving Thanks

Thankful Monday #1: With the deepest love and gratitude, one person I am eternally thankful to is Chris. First and foremost, for loving me and my sons; for providing stability, for his hard work, for his generosity to others, for his optimism that never seems to fade, for loving me even when I was unlovable and never giving me reason to doubt that love. His love has helped me to trust again and not fear rejection or loss.

More importantly, everyday I thank God for the big things and the small things in life. I thank him for provision, for showing me again and again that He is ever present. I thank him for the blue sky, for the peacefulness and beauty after the snow, for the multitude of flowers, for the people He has put on my path to help through this journey.

He arranged reconnections that brought parts of my family back together and chance meetings of friends in the most unlikely places. I thank him for the basics of life, food, shelter, friends. I thank Him that even though I toss and turn in my doubts, He never has given up on me.

“Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. Day and night rise and fall; the seasons change, sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away. There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.” ~ Me 11/ 15/ 2021

Photo Credit: Megan Watson at UnSplash

Rants and Raves

Sadly, I try not to rant, but this is where I am…

My little town again… On Facebook there is a page called North Bend Rants and Raves. For weeks now people have been posting about the elections, calling each other names, making accusations about each other because of their political choices and generally spreading vitriol and hate.

I made a post where I said I was shattered because it seems civility and respect are dead. I linked a message from my blog with a verse that I wrote about hate and how it spreads. In the blog post, I mention my belief in God and how I believe ultimately God is in control. Two bible verses about hate were also quoted.

The post was up for a couple of days when one of the “moderators,” Jake, said it seemed like my post should been my personal page because it just about “god.” So I comment back that it was a rant about Hate in our community.

Within hours, my post was removed. So I made a new post that said something like this; Rant: You’re free to post here and spread any vitriol you want about anything and anyone, including your neighbors unless you mention God. I don’t have the exact wording because that post was blocked.

So the only rules on the page are: “This is a forum where you are welcome to post complaints and compliments about life in North Bend. Post freely, but don’t be an a-hole.”

I don’t think I was being an “a-hole.”

All I wanted to say was that after this election, we are all neighbors in the same community and we should respect each other’s views. Everyone’s views are formed by their life experiences and their perception of the world we live in. Our views do not make any of us more right than the others. In the end, I hope we can all come together and live as a community whatever the outcome.

I’ve thought about this for the past few days and I sadly have come to believe that my post, with the mere mention of God, was not something this moderator could accept. Even sadder, the only thing worse that saying something positive about Trump is supporting the belief in God.

I’d like to think that in seven days it will all be over, but I fear not because this divisiveness has been building for years and it may be too late to turn it around.

I still believe God is in control and I am thankful I can still say it here without fear of censorship.

How British Charm Won My Heart: A Love Story

Today is officially mine and Chris’s 41st anniversary. Honestly, I cannot comprehend how time has flown by so quickly. When we were first married there were people making bets that it wouldn’t last a year. Well, we just had to prove them wrong! Tovah Feldshuh, American actress, singer and playwright gave this advice on marriage, “You know how to have a successful marriage? Shut one eye, and don’t leave. Some of it’s fun and some of it isn’t. It can be challenging, but you do not leave the field of play.” We are still on the field and here is the rest of the story.

I met Chris at work in August 1982. I was going through a divorce and started a new job at International Ground Support Systems in Denver. They did underground engineering consulting. It was a small company with three engineers, a welder, and two laborers. Chris was one of the engineers and when I started, he was working on a job in Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. He would check into the office daily, so we really met over the phone first. He, as anyone that knows him appreciates, is very out going and friendly and he has a great British accent. So naturally, I was instantly curious about this guy.

I had worked there about a month when Chris returned from Canada. The business was in a large metal warehouse and the front part was in a sectioned off into offices. I was in a small cubicle near the door with big windows to the outside and a small reception window inside. The first time I saw him, he came bounding through the front doors. He stopped at the reception window and poked his head through to introduce himself. He looked like he had been on an all night binge. He was disheveled, his clothes were wrinkled and when he smiled it revealed two missing teeth. NOT A ALL HOW I IMAGINED HIM! After he left I thought …hmm, maybe we could be good friends.

I don’t know exactly when my perception changed, but his charm did win me over. I know we were a couple by Thanksgiving because we had a big dinner at his house. There was a small issue though, and it was that technically, Chris was still married.

His English wife had left and gone back to England three years prior when he moved from Virginia to Denver. They had not been in contact for quite a while. Chris wanted to get married but had to locate her and somehow negotiate a long-distance divorce.

I still tease him because at one point he suggested we just get married because no one would know or care. Obviously this was before the internet and everyone’s personal life can be researched worldwide. I politely declined. I told him I did not want someone coming twenty years later and claiming everything and besides that was just wrong and downright illegal!

It did take a while but we were married a year later. I have to say that British charm and accent has opened many doors for Chris. When Josh was little he’d go to the store with Chris and come back to tell me that the lady at the store was flirting with daddy. He’d relate that the lady would say, “Ohhh… I do love your accent.” Seriously, it still happens all the time!

Yeah, the accent and charm may have drawn me in to start with but it is his intelligence, later his faith, his love and the care he gave to me and my kids, his generosity and his passion for helping others that has kept me in love with him. All those physical things I judged him by at first where just temporary surface distractions. Chris has been a loving and devoted husband and we have stayed faithful through the good times and the bad.

My most treasured Valentine card from him wasn’t a card at all but a letter that ends this way…

The link below is from 15 years ago about on my thoughts on marriage.
https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2009/10/08/marriage/

[1] Lyrics from Bruce Springsteen song . “If I Should Fall Behind”

Celebrating Birthdays

Birthdays, to date, I have had 69. Strangely enough, I don’t remember, not even one from my childhood.

I don’t remember my 21st birthday. At the time I lived in Anchorage, AK, and I had two children. I know I didn’t go out and have the first “legal drink” because I rarely drank alcohol until I was in my fifties.

At 30, all I care to remember is that it was a very sad day. On this birthday, I had been living in Washington State for a little over a year. I had moved here with Chris just months after we married. I thought it would be a new and exciting change for me. I always dreamed of Seattle and thought it must be a magical place from watching the 60’s TV show, “Here Come the Brides.”

The alluring theme song just made me want to go there and see for myself.
“ The bluest skies you’ve ever seen in Seattle,
And the hills the greenest green in Seattle.
Like a beautiful child growing up free and wild
Full of hopes and full of fears
Full of laughter full of tears
Full of dreams to last the years in Seattle.”

I came here with lots of dreams for a full life but just like the song goes there were fears and tears as well.

On my 30th birthday I had a fifteen year old son who was going through his own trials. Hard to be fifteen but being uprooted and moved to a new state compounded those issues. It was hard on both of us.

I had a cake, but it was no celebration. Someone took a picture anyway.

Thirty

Fast forwarding through the next 20 years — I have no recollection at all of any celebrations. But, 50, that was a birthday to remember.

Chris and my friend, Sho, secretly conspired together to give me a wonderful birthday weekend. The day before my birthday, Sho and her partners in crime (Yohanna and Rita) took me out on a long day trip to the Olympic Peninsula. Naturally I became suspicious as the day went on and on. It soon became apparent that we were not headed home and I was not sure what the end game was.

Late in the afternoon we arrived at the Manresa Castle in Port Townsend. The castle was built in 1892 by a local businessman and first mayor of Port Townsend, Charles Eisenbeis. After his death the castle was remained empty for the next 25 years. Then in 1927, it was purchased by the Jesuit priests who used as a training college. In 1968 the building was sold again and converted to a hotel. The hotel is rumored to be haunted but it seems all old hotels have that status.

I was told were going to have a girls weekend not just an outing. When were in the lobby checking in, I looked up and saw Josh, my youngest son. That’s when the surprise unfolded.

Chris had invited many of my friends to a weekend birthday celebration. He reserved rooms for them all (of course with Sho’s help) and organized a catered buffet dinner in the dining room.

Along with Chris and Josh were my older sons, Aaron from Denver and Adam from California. Friends from my church family were there, Jennifer, Karen, Ann, Madeline and Mal, Phil and Carolyn, and Becky and Pat. In addition these social friends, co-workers and neighbors were there: Tony and Jen, George and Julie, Tom and Jean, Howard and Ruth and last but not least, my old friend Jim came up from California.

It was a wonderful evening filled with love from my family and these special people in my life. Several of these lovely people got up and said lots of really sweet and kind things about their relationship with me. It was a very humbling experience.

One thing I found very bizarre about the event was that my two worlds collided that day. My spiritual family/friends and my secular friends were there at the time and the same place. It was really an interesting coming together of people who knew me in very different ways.

Sho gave me a book to write about my day and thoughts on life with each passing birthday. I have to admit I kept it up for a few years, but fell behind. Below is an excerpt from that first entry…

So here I am today at sixty-nine. How did I get here? I feel like I am about 42, and the realization that I will be 70 next year I find hard to comprehend. The years have flipped by faster than pages in a book.

This morning I once again I woke up at 4:30 and thanks to social media my spirits were immediately boosted by dozens of well wishes from family and friends.

In the 19 years since my 50th celebration at Manresa Castle, some of the friends that attended have passed on, others moved on to different towns and states, and several others just moved on. Thankfully, the majority are still in my life. They are still loving me, supporting me and celebrating me.

I imagine next year at 70 there will be some kind of big to-do. Now I’m thinking if you make it to 70, one really should celebrate. After all life is short and we should really celebrate every year God has granted us.

Number One
Number Sixty-nine

Labor Day Reflection on Fifty-two Years as an American Worker

Per the US Department of Labor, “Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers.”

I have been an American worker since 1972. I started at 16 and have had 13 jobs over 52 years.

I started with Pixie Preschool in Tampa, Florida in 1972. It was about 2 miles from where I lived. I rode my bike to work with my son Adam in a child seat on the handlebars. My boss was Jacque. She was a single mom with two children. I admired her so much and I learned a lot from her. I learned how to create economical nutritious meals, housekeeping shortcuts, and many tips on childcare. That job, my first, ended a year later when I moved from Tampa, Florida to Alaska.

It was 1974. I was a stay at home mom with a new baby so I worked providing childcare in my home. Believe me it was a “real job.” It was a constant struggle to keep the house clean. For 9 hours a day I had five kids instead of two. Meals, games, changing diapers, and keeping the peace there was never a quiet moment.

The next year, my friend Mary recommended me for a job at the credit bureau in Anchorage. I had absolutely no office experience and I could not type, but I started by answering phones and filing. It was a busy place processing credit requests. All information was in card files (no computers). Stores and other credit extenders would send paper reports on customers. These reports were filed under each person’s name. We had huge racks of card files. I really enjoyed working here, I was out in the “world” with other women and I liked it. After a year, Mary left Alaska and a few months later I did too.

Next stop was Texas. There I got a job at the Montgomery Ward catalog store in a small town, Fairfield. The couple, who owned the franchise, Jay and Mary Helen, were very sweet older couple. Mary Helen taught me a lot about ordering, organizing and customer service.

It was a low-key family type of atmosphere. Every day she would bring tomatoes in from her garden and we’d make a big salad for lunch.  Those salads were so fabulous. No dressing, just the juice from the tomatoes. No tomato since then has ever matched their flavor.  I left there after about 6 months. I lived in Korea for another six months and then moved to Denver.

In Denver, I got a job at the Montgomery Ward catalog store there. It was not quite the same experience as the one in a small town. People complained about everything. After one awful Christmas season there, I quit.

My next “career” move was to a Citibank credit processing center. Most of the jobs I have had, I either stumbled into them or a friend referred me. Citibank was located in the new Denver Tech Center. Someone I knew worked for the company that had the security contract there. He heard Citibank was hiring, so I applied. I think my short stint at the Anchorage credit bureau helped land this job. Here I verified credit applications, processed payments and later, I punched credit cards.

As part of my job I operated an Address-o-graph 6400 Graphotype machine. It was this big clunky over-grown typewriter/punch machine that embossed credit cards. Yes, I in my life have made thousands of credit cards. One card at a time was placed in the machine, the number and name were typed to emboss it and then the card moved across gold foil ribbon to make those embossed numbers shine. That machine would break down daily; it was old machine in 1980. For such a big company, I was surprised they still used this old clunker. I was always clearing jams and straightening the ribbons. Due to this, over the years I became known as the person in the office that had a knack for “fixing things.”

While working there, I received a call from a man who was processing my application for a home loan. He called to go over my credit details and then offered me a job. He offered more money and an opportunity for growth. He was quite a salesman. He told me how he and his wife started this really successful credit agency. They processed mortgage applications. Lots of promises and hype… way over sold. He was the first of several charlatans I encountered and this was my first, worst job move! It was an extremely toxic environment. On top of that, it was so far from where I lived. I had to make an hour bus ride each way. I left after only a few months.

Shortly after, I found a job as a receptionist in a large dental office.  Just as with other jobs, I knew someone who knew someone there. I had some experience because I had previously volunteered with the Red Cross at the dental office on the Air Force base. I started as a receptionist and moved to processing insurance claims. It was a good job but man; there was a lot of hanky-panky going around.  I left there when another smooth talking charlatan sold me on coming to work at his dental lab.

I don’t even want to say this guy’s name. The company was Artisan Dental Arts, this place I would classify as the worst job I ever had. I was an administrative assistant here, placed orders, paid bills and other general office duties. I worked there almost 2 years. The owner was a crook in so many ways I cannot even list them all. He would falsify bank records and tax returns to defraud people. He would buy into businesses, and steal from unsuspecting owners. He never paid the employee withholding taxes and would constantly skim money out of the business. When the IRS caught up with him he blamed the staff. One day I reached my breaking point and just walked out.

Afterwards, I had ongoing anxiety about what he might do to harm me. I worried he might plant drugs in my car or leave a dead animal on my doorstep. It was that bad. It was long past time to go. I have so many wild tales about that place, but that is for another story. In the midst of all the craziness at the dental lab, I was also going through a divorce. This only amplified the issues.

In very short order, a friend told me of a job at an engineering company, International Ground Support Systems, IGSS.  I was hired as the secretary/receptionist. The best thing about this job is that this is where I met my husband Chris. When I started to work there he was working on a tunnel in Nova Scotia. We became telephone friends long before we ever met. We both left this job when the owner was having family issues that played over into the workplace.

A friend of a friend at IGSS, told me about a job working with a lobbyist at Sun Oil Company.  There I became a legislative assistant… not bad for a high school dropout. I worked for a lobbyist named Ed. He covered the Rocky Mountain region and was often on the road. He would call me with a list of state bills that affected the industry. I would order them, write a summary and send them to the DC office. This was done with the old fax machines that scanned back and forth on thermal paper via a phone line. No internet back then.

In 1983, Chris got a job in Seattle and we moved north. In Seattle, the first job I had (not counting the temp job where I lasted until lunch and left crying) was at Dateline Technology. I’ve written about Dateline as the best job I ever had. In short, it was a company that sold Prime and Wang computer storage systems. I was the secretary, receptionist, travel arranger and later the bookkeeper. When I started, there was me and seven guys. They affectionately called me the “den mother.” It has been over 40 years and I am still in contact with four of them. I worked there a little over four years but with success came growing pains. The owners were in negotiations to sell the company. Just before the sale, I received a call with a job offer.

The call was from Ed, the lobbyist who I worked for at Sun Oil Company. It was the mid-80’s and the oil business had taken a downturn. Sun Oil had closed the regional office in Denver. Ed had taken a job with the Tobacco Institute and was moving to Washington.  He contacted me and asked me to come back to work for him. In the 80’s many tobacco companies had acquired food companies. Among those were Kraft, General Food and Nabisco and Ed thought he would be lobbying in this industry. Sadly that was not the case. After only a few months, he found it very difficult to defend the tobacco industry and left.

I stayed on a couple years because of the great benefits they offered. These benefits included a very generous maternity benefit. I managed to go through in vitro fertilization because of health insurance, and became pregnant with Josh. Their policy was that if you notified them that you were not going to return to work after giving birth, they would provide six months severance pay. I took advantage of that early on as I really wasn’t feeling well, and I did not plan on returning.

After a few months I was feeling better and a friend told me her boss was looking for an administrative assistant. The company, RepSac, was a computer consulting firm and I took the job. I worked there until Josh was born and continued to work on projects from home afterwards until 1990.

Lastly, for the past 33 years I have worked for Chris at SubTerra. I do a little bit of everything, bookkeeping, receptionist, travel arranger, decorator, office machine repair person, events manager and janitor. There have been times I have walked out, but the boss has always talked me back. I imagine this is the last job I will ever have and hopefully can retirement is in the future. I am staying as long as Chris does and he has no plans for stopping anytime soon.

My social security account shows that I worked every year since 1972. The only two exception was the time in 1974 when I did childcare and the early years of SubTerra when I worked but did not get paid.

When I look back over the years I see every job brought its own lessons and rewards. Every change was a step up and an opportunity to learn and grow. Considering my humble and rough start, I am amazed at where I am today.

SubTerra: A 33 Year Synopsis

In 1991 Chris was working in Germany for a Redmond, WA based geotechnical company. He was transferred there to open and manage two new companies in Celle just south of Hamburg and in Claustal-Zellerfeld in the Harz Mountains.

When he left early in the year, we had a one year old son and a son just finishing his Junior year in High school. The plan was he would go, get things started, check out high schools and look for a place to live. I stayed behind while we put the house on the market and took care of organizing on this end.

Long story short, the company kept stalling on finalizing the move of our family and after a year of being apart the ultimatum was given ….. move my family here or… “or” won. So he said goodbye to folks in Germany and drove from Germany to London where he caught a flight home.

After successfully starting businesses for someone else in a foreign country, Chris decided to start a company for himself, be his own boss and in charge of his own destiny. His selling point to me was, “Worst case scenario, if it doesn’t work we’ll spend all our savings, and I’ll go out and get another job.”

With that SubTerra was incorporated on August 7, 1991 in our Redmond home. We chose our logo from an old photograph Chris had of the lighthouse at Beachy Head in England near where he grew up. Initially work came at a coal mine near Steamboat Springs, CO; at Yucca Mountain, NV with the nuclear waste disposal program; and abandoned mine reclamation and tunnel design work in WA state. SubTerra Engineering was started in the UK in 1992.

Josh and I travelled with him as he worked around the country, to Colorado, Nevada, Texas, Utah and overseas to the UK and Germany.  

In 1995, we purchased a brick house in Kirkland across from Lake Washington where we went through the permitting process and renovations to convert it to an office. We hired an engineer, a geologist and a receptionist. Work for them was closer to home around Washington permitting local gravel pits and mining operations. Chris continued to work all around the country and abroad.

In 1999 we became a dealer for Instantel, a Canadian company that manufactured and sold seismographs for blast monitoring and construction vibrations. We hired another engineer and a technician who worked in the field monitoring at local mines and construction sites. 

After several years in Kirkland we moved our offices out of Kirkland to a less crowded location. While we looked for a new permanent home we leased office space in the Preston Office Park just off I90 east of the city. By now we had two engineers, two geologist, two drafters and a receptionist/secretary. Joining this group was our old friend Howard Handewith who had retired from the Robbins Company. He worked part-time on tunnel projects in Singapore and on the Boston Outfall Tunnel project.

In 2000, just 9 years after incorporating we purchased a building in down town North Bend which became our permanent home. The building was built in 1950 and we spent 6 months renovating it and moved in permanently in March of 2001.

Since then North Bend has been our home base. Through all the up and downs of the past thirty-three years, we have seen blessings and trials, when the economy was slow just the right amount of work would walk through the door.  In 2009 Chris began pursuing his passion of helping to advance a tunnel/water conduit to revive the Dead Sea project, this lead to opening SubT Engineers in Israel in 2014. 

SubT Engineers has completed tunnel projects in Tel Aviv (Subway Redline), in Jerusalem (rock tunnels and blasting), and at other locations in Israel.  SubT Engineers is the Licensed Engineer for the KoHav Ha Yarden Pumped Storage project adjacent to the Kinneret / Sea of Galilee and are currently working at Israel’s first Pumped storage Project located at Maale Gilboa (the Heights of Gilboa). 

SubTerra, Inc. has now completed over 1,000 projects involving blast consulting, mining rock mechanics, shaft, tunnel and microtunnel design, geotechnical instrumentation, vibration monitoring and expert services for hundreds of clients.  We work for owners, contractors, large engineering companies and Federal, State and local municipalities.

Chris continues to travel for work across the US, Europe, UK, The Republic of Georgia, Israel, and Canada.  Chris and I have otherwise worked together in this adventure sitting about 20-ft apart for these 33 years.

He is well past the “normal” retirement age but continues his work.  He is tireless, positive, sharp and always looking ahead. In addition to his hard work ethic, he serves on the board for a local organization that seeks to aid those in need of assistance and housing.

So after 33 years, we are working with a smaller crew but still working on large projects with other companies. We may have spent all our savings to get started, but this dream Chris had of working for himself, being his own boss, resulted in a successful small business that has done many  great things around the world.