Life Perspective

A Man Who Can Teach Us Much About Gratitude

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“No onight2ane is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night. We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them. Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately.”

~ Elie Wiesel

These words spoken by a Jewish man born in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania. He was deported by the Hungarian government to Auschwitz with his family at 15. His mother and youngest sister were murdered immediately while he and his father remained and labored at Auschwitz. They were later moved to Buchenwald where he helplessly listened as his father was beaten to death.  When the camp was liberated in April 1945 he was 16 1/2 years old.  

Elie Wiesel spent the rest of his life fighting against injustice and man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. In 1986 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Along with the quote above in his acceptance speech he says:

“I remember: it happened yesterday or eternities ago. A young Jewish boy discovered the kingdom of night. I remember his bewilderment, I remember his anguish. It all happened so fast. The ghetto. The deportation. The sealed cattle car. The fiery altar upon which the history of our people and the future of mankind were meant to be sacrificed”

In his 1999 book “Perils  of Indifference,” he says;

“Gratitude is a word that I cherish. Gratitude is what defines the happiness and humanity of the human being.”

Full text of his acceptance speech here:

Artwork from Night by Elie Wiesel – 1982

Appointed Time

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4A403F71-69CB-412E-9EAF-F503AB6E5204Thankful that in this ever changing world there are some things that remain the same and bring balance to my life. It is demonstrated to me again this year in my Thanksgiving cactus. It is possibly 25 or more years old and it is large. It needed a larger pot years ago, I sometimes forget to water it, and yet every year it blooms at its appointed time  

On a larger scale the day and night rise and fall;  the seasons change,  sunshine comes after rain, young people still fall in love, children are born and the old pass away.  There is a rhythm and flow to life that encourages me to tune out the noise and remind myself I am not in control of these things but a never changing God is and He never forgets to take care of the details.

 

 

Intersections

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Warning.  Old ladies must be careful and stop at all intersections. I got a call this morning… someone asking me to take them to the ER in Issaquah. We got there at 9 by 11:30 the doctors had decided to do a test and they asked me to step out of the room. 

I came out and started down one of those long hospital corridors when all of a sudden BAM… I felt like I was hit by a bus.  I went flying across that 10ft hallway, landed on my arse, and hit the wall with my head.  It was not a big yellow bus, but it was a young 6’ something Justin-bus of the human male species.  

60E01375-A8F8-460E-9C69-FA202524CE58A lady came running out if the ER and after a few minutes and accessing everything, I got up.  She asked me if I wanted to see a doctor but my thought process said no  – they were swamped and other than my wounded sense of dignity, and a sore wrist, hip and head everything still moved.  I didn’t want to waste time for someone to say, “Looks like you got knocked on your rear!” Therefore, I declined.

I could make some comparisons here, such as, the other intersections in life that catch you off guard.  The loss of a loved one, a tragic diagnosis,  dealing with aging parents, aging and retirement. These intersections should also be approach with caution.  Take the time to look both ways and reflect on all possibilities  and outcomes.  Should you get sidelined, stop, take a deep breath, pick yourself up and move forward.  Life is a highway with many crossroads. Proceed with caution but stay on the road to the final destination. And…

Always slow down at intersections!!

Child of my Childhood

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just a young girl, a child
very meek and very mild

suffering abuse
of adult mistrust and misuse

desperate to escape
the next incident of childhood rape

summer of nineteen sixty-nine
appeared a tall hero and seemingly lifeline

not as much a child as man
together, young formed a plan

to many foolish though it seemed
somehow a life was redeemed

a child within the union set
left behind the evil threat

this child born of desperate time
a living doll that was mine

infant years held strong love
this doll of mine i write of

so many years between
understanding was lost… unseen

mother child in heart retains
regrets of youthful mistakes and pains

now this child of my childhood
long has left age of boyhood

starting now a fiftieth year
since child became a mother here

love, frustration, hope and despair
all have been a part of this pair

both older now and wiser still
overcoming lost good will

reaching out to understand
events that all the years have spanned

child of my childhood know
love was always there to bestow

to a child who forever changed
a life that needed rearranged

the years that life will here to span
know you were part of God’s intended plan

from a burden path a child was set free
heart full of gratitude forever for thee

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Why Old Ladies Wear Lots of Jewelry

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Something I remember from my youth, southern ladies draped in jewelry;  a ring on every finger, some with two, bracelets up their arms and three or four necklaces of varying lengths.  Gold, silver, diamonds and gems sparkling like a star filled night.

I’ve read, in looking at this phenomenon, that it’s possibly the flashy jewelry  takes away from the “wrinkles, thinning hair and double chins” Interesting theory, but no.

Back then, in my schoolgirl days, I wondered if it was just an exhibition of wealth.  These rich old ladies adorning themselves with jewels to show they’ve made it. Looking like a walking, talking jewelry store, jingle and jangling with every movement.

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However, now that I am hitting my mid-sixties,  I more fully understand. Each morning I get ready for work and put on my favorite daily-go-to-bracelet and I rotate a few favorite earrings and necklaces; three or four pieces and done.   I wear the same basic things every day.

The amazing thing is that over the 37 years of marriage Chrissie has given me lots of fabulous baubles. Some I have not worn more than a handful of times, on “special occasions.” They are safely tucked away in their velvet boxes. Occasionally I check on them, open the box and admire them but almost never wear them. Too much for everyday I thought, but I lately I am thinking, “How many more special occasions will I have left in my lifetime? “ I should wear them more than one every now and then. I need to stack up on bracelets… maybe four one one arm two on the other.  Either I am going to enjoy these baubles or they will just go to the next person down the line and to me they would have been just hidden treasures.

So here it is, the real reason old ladies wear lots of flashy jewelry is because we realize time is short and we realize there was no reason to save these baubles for special occasions. Everyday we old ladies wake up and put our feet on the floor and face the day, it is, a special occasion.   So here we come, love or not, we are going to sparkle and shine.

Family of the Heart

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Thankful for family… those by blood and those by heart.

Without getting too deep into the crazy mix of my family, I want to say I am so thankful for the family God has put in my life. Especially, Karen who joined my family circle in a crisis and has stayed through many highs and lows over the years.

Karen is the wife of my ex and we met when my oldest son was in the hospital after a near-fatal motorcycle accident 27 years ago. She has always accepted me as a part of her family. This past week she has put in three long days helping me and my siblings clean out my mother’s house, above and beyond any obligation or call of duty she had. We had many moments of laughter and it surely takes a saint to work through 40 years of clutter and dust.

Much love to you Karen ❤️ I know you’ve found many family members lately through DNA but my mom told me one time you told her we were “buds”. We are more than that, we are sisters.

I am truly thankful for and send much love to Paulette and PJ too. My mother is truly blessed to have them as her children.

Karen below after taking the last kitty cat figurine off the shelf. She says she is smiling!!

New Mission in Life

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I have just left Texas where I had to tell my mom that she could no longer live on her own. It has been a long time coming. For years she has refused to leave her home…she wanted to die there. After falls, midnight drives to nowhere, days of confusion, not a taking her medicine and finally falling and fracturing her pelvis, I have accepted that it is not safe and borders on neglect to let her stay there. I live 2200 miles away and have made 4 trips a year to help and try and manage from a distance.

A small Texas town she has lived for 45 years. She has a compassionate and caring doctor, friends and church family around her and the doctor told me it was best for her to stay in Texas.

A friend sent the link to this beautiful video last week, I just opened it. I am here alone at the office and tears are flowing down my face. A beautiful portrayal of the love between parent and child. I don’t know how well I’ve done, but I know I have tried to be the safe place my mom could fall.

It is an odd feeling. I am dismantling my mother’s life, her possessions, her accounts and her home while she is still living. We talked on Sunday and she told me she feels at peace, I hope and pray that is true. I have walked through every emotion, anger, frustration, sadness, confusion and resignation.

Last week when I was there, the local florist who we know very well, lost his mom. He told me that when he came to sit with his mom at night he would find my mom sitting outside her door at 1 AM praying and reading her bible.

I told my mom that God still has a mission for her.

https://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=11FMBFNU

Unsettled Brain

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It is 3AM and I am wide awake since 1… so many thoughts going through my head, lots of issues, globally, locally, and within me and not a one of them do I have answers for. Oh dear.

My brain seems to want to go over every possible scenario. Funny because in the past when my brain has thought it has covered it all, life and situations never unfold in any of the ways that my brain has rehearsed. Time moves on and life will happen according to God’s plan not mine.

A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Day is Done

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“Day is done; gone the sun, from the lakes, from the hills, from the sky. All is was well, safely rest, God is nigh. “

Well here we are on election eve. I voted but I still find myself afraid she/he will or she/he won’t!

What an awful place to find one’s self. No certainty or strong assurance in either candidate.

Praying that win or lose the hype of all the past year is just hype. That the negative about either candidate does not ring true once they enter office. Praying that they they will enter office with solemn commitment to serve all of the people with a humility and an understanding of the great responsibility the people have entrusted to them.

Praying that we have not become so far divided that we cannot connect and find a mutual respect and understanding with one another.

Finally, I am praying that God is indeed nigh, that he has his eye and blessing still on us. That we will remain the beacon of light that draws people from all corners of the earth to our shores.

Above and Beyond

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With all the negative press regarding law enforcement officers, I’d like to give shout of praise to one special officer my life.

All the police officers I know have huge hearts. They don’t always wear them so they are visible to all… Mostly they have tough exteriors but soft and sweet interiors.

This special officer is my son a LEO in Colorado. He is a detective and part of his job is handling elder abuse cases. Recently he was sent some information on an elderly lady who officers met due to call at her residence. When the officers were there they noticed the lady had a rotten floor in front of her doorway and wondered if Aaron knew someone that could help her get it fixed.

He made some calls and got a donation from Home Depot and he went over on his own time and repaired her stairs and her floor.

As he got to know the lady, he realized she had been living in this home in Colorado for 44 years and for the past four years without a furnace.

He found someone to donate a furnace. Because she had no furnace, her pipes had frozen and she also had no water. He also located a company to donate the repair.

Her roof leaked, he found someone to fix her roof.

Relatives that were taking advantage of her over the years, had left junk all over house he organize teams of volunteers to help clean it up.

Then he organized donations for new carpet and new appliances,

All this was done over past month, he worked on his days off to help her.

Law enforcement is a tough job. Everyone should walk their walk a few miles to fully understand the challenges and rewards.

PS: I did not get approval to tell his story. He’d never seek accolades on his own. I’m claiming Mother’s privilege. 😍

Views and Beliefs

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I am a person of faith and as such I am called to live by a certain set of standards. Anything below those standards is sin. Do I fail there? Yes, daily. Daily I am a failure and a sinner.

Now comes the difficult thing to explain to others who are respectable, responsible, moral, law abiding, loving friends, family and acquaintances who do not understand my views.

First of all, I do not presume to speak for God. He has set forth guidelines and commandments for living. These guidelines are for those who accept to follow. I do not believe I have to force these onto my neighbors, friends or family. These are not my rules but God’s rules given to his people.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. —Matthew 22:35-40.

So God’s commandment firstly, is to love him with all my heart, soul and mind. Secondly, love my neighbor… All my neighbors, not just my fellow believing neighbors. In that effort, “in as much as it is up to me, I will try to live in peace with everyone. ” Romans 12:18

In doing that do I agree with everything my neighbor does? No, not at all. In cases, where my neighbors’ lifestyle is contradictory to mine, I just do not engage. Where we have common ground, I enjoy and fellowship with them.

However, social issues that have been front and center the past few months appear to have forced a paralyzing wedge between my views and the views of some of you. Although, many are unaware because there is a fear to speak as the unspoken mantra is, “Accept this view. In fact accept and rejoice in it, or remain silent.” If not, you will be labeled a bigot.

So here is my view:

As a civil rights issue, equal rights to all, on a government level, I say let the government issue marriage licenses to all. If they are talking about marrying according to a state ‘ordained’ union then let the state do what the majority wants. However, I respect and honor the principals of God. So when it comes to forcing those views on churches or religious institutions, to go against their values, to perform God ordained marriages against their religious beliefs. that’s where I believe that freedom ends.

Why should they be demonized because they are holding their beliefs? Isn’t religious freedom one of the founding principals?

I have in my family, homosexuals and transgender individuals. I do not judge them, I do not force my faith or views on them. I love them, not whatever their lifestyle, beliefs or political causes may be. Hopefully they feel the same of me.

I do not even take a view of homosexuality as right or wrong. I do not have all the answers of what makes up the essence of who people are. My hope and prayer is that God has the answers and reasons for each of us; he knows each of us more intimately than we know ourselves and he is a just and loving God to all of his creation.

Now comes the paradox. I may find, among my believing friends those who will call me a heretic, and say I am living with a foot in both worlds. I am fallen away, not religious enough or simply misguided. I suppose by definition I could be one or more of those.

To them, I ask you pray for me, as it appears God has put in me a questioning spirit. I desire to be an example of God’s love as he leads me. My hope and prayer for myself is that it will all become clear and I will understand my own journey and trials one day.

I guess what I am asking is for the same respect all are asking; for tolerance of opposing views. I hear you and respect you; I ask only the same consideration in return.

19 June 2015 at 8:31

Holiday Spirit Lost

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I am having a really hard time finding the holiday spirit. Where are the 300 young girls that were kidnapped? A few days of news and we moved on. How many people have been beheaded? Horror at the first one then successively our shock and outrage has waned. Planes shot down, planes never found; not even a scrap of metal. Worshippers brutally stabbed inside their synagogue. Children slaughtered. Anger, hate, anger, hate everywhere — I cannot be consoled by holiday lights and trimmings. The sorrow is burning deep in my heart.

We feed off the sensationalization of it all, but move on like it was yesterday’s a bad weather. Real evil exists in people and groups and they are actively plotting their next move. Real evil!

I long for peace.

Health Coverage…It’s a big stinking mess!!

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I just read that pre-Affordable Healthcare Act 48 million Americans (approx 15% of the population) had no health insurance.  According to the CBO by 2023 ( ten years) there will still be 31 million uninsured people. 

    From Huffington Post: “In the first year of the Obamacare coverage expansion, 14 million people will gain health insurance, the Congressional Budget Office projected in May. By 2023, there will be 25 million fewer Americans without health insurance than if the law had not been enacted, although 31 million will remain uninsured, according to the CBO.”

I believe everyone should have access to health coverage and limiting preexisting conditions is a good idea. Could there have been a better way?  According to the Census Bureau the number of people who lost coverage because of the ACA  is about 4 percent of Americans, which comes to about 11 million people. Some claim these lost policies are all cheap lousy policies that offered little or no protection. Not true for us and our 7 employees. We are losing our 90/10 copay policy with $500 deductible and maximum out-of-pocket of $2500. Don’t see anything close to that on the exchange.

So again I ask why? Why did we turn everything upside down for the benefit of approx 6% of the population. It seems there could have been a better way.  Why not put the requirements on Insurance companies to eliminate pre-existing conditions, why not limit profits or better yet why aren’t insurance companies non-profitable.

It is just sad to see some in Washington DC calling people liars when they (the People) say they are losing very good insurance policies, that their premiums, their deductibles and out-of-pocket maximum are doubling.  It is true.  I know many people it is happening to.  Once again the burden is going to fall to the middle-class: low income people are going to get coverage for near nothing, the rich don’t really care what they have to pay (doesn’t affect them), but the middle class are seeing their premiums reach unaffordable levels and many are just going to pay the fine and roll the dice.

I have some friends that immigrated from another country with a national health program.  They have told me they were appalled when they came here and they would see collection jars in stores to help people pay for their serious health issues.  After all this,  with still 31 million people uninsured in 10 years,  those jars aren’t going away anytime soon.

I don’t have all the answers but it seems this whole mess has everybody’s knickers in a twist for a net-gain of insured people that amounts to 6% of the population.

My Mind’s Wanderings

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For the past few days sitting quietly contemplating the events of the past two weeks, I have tried fitting the pieces into place. Where the huge decision that was faced two weeks ago was to commit to the Remicade treatment. How insignificant that decision seems now. Only three days later my son was facing major surgery and a few days after that a second surgery and then third surgery to control bleeding – to the point his life was in the balance.

When the bleeding started again three days later he again was rushed to ICU. There nurse Steve was methodically checking drains, monitoring his heart rate, drawing blood. Inside I was panicking, remembering Friday evening, wondering why they weren’t starting the transfusions because Friday it had taken so long to get the blood it seemed life was ticking away.

I, trying to remain calm, said to Steve, “you know from this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

He reassured me. He said that they had the blood type on hand, that if he needed they could get it within minutes, that they want to check the hematocrit levels, monitoring the rate of output on the drains, access whether the bleeding was slowing — do things carefully and in timely manner. Make sure every decision is based on the least risk to my son’s health. In the end, they did give him more plasma and blood; and with that the bleeding stopped.

So I’m here thinking about all of these things and I hear my words to Steve; “From this side it looks like nothing is happening.”

I think sometimes I do the same thing with God. I pray about situations, the future, what God’s plans are for my life and sometimes from this side it appears nothing’s is happening; but I understand that even though it appears that nothing is happening, God is in control. He knows all the details of our lives. He knows all the pieces that must fit together perfectly. He knows when we need life sustaining blood and when more extreme intervention is needed. He also knows when we just need to wait as he watches our vitals, checks where we are losing strength and then he refills us.

6 June 2013 at 17:59

Sometimes it is Just Over

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Stop dancing with ghosts. Yesterday is dead: bury it and be done with it. ~ Me

The truth is not always welcome ~ I have generally operated on the premise, I would rather keep quiet than to continue to fuel the flame.

Recently, I spoke out against an unwarranted attack, and was met with a vicious and vile response; so better now to just walk away.

Sad but when you’ve extended your heart and it has been stomped on, why go back and let it be cut up into little pieces.

People come into ones life for a reason, season or a lifetime. I have just ended a season ~ that existed for a reason ~ it appears it was not meant for a lifetime.

It doesn’t make it feel any better but it’s time to move on. It’s just sad…