Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Next Wednesday, July 3rd. A Magnificent Vessel
https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2024/06/19/a-magnificent-vessel/
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Next Wednesday, July 3rd. A Magnificent Vessel
https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2024/06/19/a-magnificent-vessel/
My womb
A Beautiful form
Like a Greek amphora vessel
With her thin graceful arms
She reaches out to hold
Delicate capsules
Embracing millions of treasures
Precious pearls
Released one by one
Month by month
Year after year
Nearly 40
Each pearl holding
The possibility of new life
This womb
Like the cycles of the moon
Prepared to receive a life
And then time and time again
In disappointment
She shed away the nourishing nest
Only to revive it again
She became the cradle
That caressed the tiny bodies
Of my three sons
She was the warm capsule
Where they were formed
From a single cell
Unseen by the world
My womb was a life giver
She is the essence
Of my feminine
She distinguishes me
As a woman
Present at my birth
This vessel that produced life
She came to life in my youth
And faded away in my old age
We endured the change with grace
Though there were days
That I cursed her
I was in awe of her ability
The miracles she brought
Today she became
My adversary
Within her walls
Grows not life but
An enemy
One that would try
To destroy me
Now I must release
This beautiful friend
She has given me
So much
Soon
I will say goodbye
I will grieve for her
They say she’s old
She no longer fulfills
A purpose
Even if that is so
I cannot toss her aside
As nothing more than tissue
Medical waste
She is more
She has been
The mystery within me
Magical
Wondrous
A masterpiece of God’s creation
Divine by Design
My heart
Is full of sorrow
I don’t want her to leave
But it is time
I am forever grateful
For all the gifts
From this Magnificent Vessel
2024 Trish Breeds ©
The post below from 11 years ago came up today on my Facebook page. It serves to remind me of a most desperate time in our family’s lives when our youngest son was facing serious health issues caused by Inflammatory Bowel Disease. This was only the first of life threatening events he would face over the next 11 years. Almost one year later to the date he nearly bled to death after a procedure where an arterial vein was accidentally clipped.
My heart begins to beat faster as I read my thoughts from 2013 and I relive the horror of those days. How could someone so young, become so ill, so quickly? It is IBD, and the myriad of other complications and chronic health conditions that sometimes accompany it, and tragically IBD has no cure.
For my son, it is accompanied by auto-immune pancreatitis, which has led to diabetes; the steroids that he has been given over the years to control inflammation have led to bone deterioration; the five different immune suppressing drugs he has worked his way through can all have horrible side effects including cancer. Three of these drugs proved ineffective, one he had an extreme allergic reaction to and we are praying the current one will show some effectiveness.
Eleven years, and sometimes I still think that “from this side it looks like nothing is happening”… He has been hospitalized annually for months at time, with bowel obstructions, bleeding, inflammation, pancreatitis, and sepsis. I have worried, fretted, prayed and pleaded with God. Some days I think he has closed his ears to my prayers.
I think those things, but I don’t believe they are true. I remember examples in the bible of men, men like David, Job and Paul, all men whom God loved and men who honored and loved God; yet they still suffered. Even, after all these years, I still believe God is in control and he has a plan for my son’s life.
May 19 was World IBD Day. It is a day set aside to bring awareness about IBD and to support the 10 million people worldwide that live with this disease. I will continue to pray. I pray for a cure. A cure so no one has to suffer any longer.
June 6, 2013 – For the past few days sitting quietly contemplating the events of the past two weeks, I have tried fitting the pieces into place. Where the huge decision we faced two weeks ago was to commit to the Remicade treatment. How insignificant that decision seems now. Only three days later Josh was facing major surgery and a few days after that a second surgery and then third surgery to control bleeding – to the point his life was in the balance.
When the bleeding started again three days later Josh again was rushed to ICU. There nurse Steve was methodically checking drains, monitoring his heart rate, drawing blood. Inside I was panicking, remembering Friday evening, wondering why they weren’t starting the transfusions because Friday it had taken so long to get the blood it seemed life was ticking away.
I, trying to remain calm, said to Steve, “you know from this side it looks like nothing is happening.”
He reassured me. He said that they had Josh’s blood type on hand, that if he needed they could get it within minutes, that they want to check the hematocrit levels, monitoring the rate of output on the drains, access whether the bleeding was slowing — do things carefully and in timely manner. Make sure every decision is based on the least risk to Josh’s health. In the end, they did give Josh more plasma and blood; and with that the bleeding stopped.
So I’m here thinking about all of these things and I hear my words to Steve: “From this side it looks like nothing is happening.”
I think sometimes I do the same thing with God. I pray about situations, the future, what God’s plans are for my life and sometimes from this side it appears nothing’s is happening; but I understand that even though it appears that nothing is happening, God is in control. He knows all the details of our lives. He knows all the pieces that must fit together perfectly. He knows when we need life sustaining blood and when more extreme intervention is needed. He also knows when we just need to wait as he watches our vitals, checks where we are losing strength and then he refills us.
I
may not
have a
career
in the eyes
of the world;
but I feel my
life has touched others
in
a positive way.
I don’t
have the need to prove myself
to the entire world to show
my life has value.
My goals
and aspirations were sacrificed because
of circumstances beyond my control
and poor choices made while
I was still a
child.
I believe
I was given an
above average intelligence
by my Maker,
and I have benefited from it
many times.
I have nothing
to boast about for my mothering;
I’ve made many errors which I
often wish I could change.
I don’t want
to look at what
I could have been,
but at who
I am now;
I am thankful
for the life God has given me.
If my role in life
from the world’s
point-of-view is
that of a
peon,
then I am even more
amazed at the wonders
of
GOD.
My life
may not change history,
but if I try everyday to live It
more like God wants,
if I can show a
little kindness to someone
and help others,
I know God will
remember me when
my life is
over.
This world
offers no rewards…
careers in this world
are only
temporary…
I want
to spend the rest of my life
working at a career
which would exemplify Christ’s life
My failure
at a worldly career
is of no consequence to me;
my career success
is
yet to be
determined.
1987 Redmond, WA