I’ve been thinking all week about my Mother and also today on what would be her 90th birthday.

I reminisced about her last few weeks and the time Paulette and I spent with her.

Eight months before she passed away, she had an arterial blockage. At the time, I was gently encouraged to keep her comfortable and let her go peacefully but I could not face that.

Although her dementia took away a lot of her memories, she was still engaging and she could be so funny and brought joy to others. So I pushed for surgery, which was technically successful, it restored the blood flow but she never walked again. With Covid fears and restrictions still in full swing she declined rapidly.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have approved the surgery, before that she seemed to have lots to give in life. Either way, it was a no-win situation. Had I let her go then, I think I would have still gone through a period of guilt. I am sorry she had to suffer.

It comes down to the final verse in this Wm Randolph Hearst poem ~’The River’

“So don’t ask why –
We live or die,
Or whither, or when we go,
Or wonder about the mysteries
That only God may know”

I love this picture of my Mother. It was taken two months after the surgery. I had given her the pearls my auntie sent her and she let me braid her hair. We spent the afternoon singing hymns 💕 It was hard to leave that day, but it was a day I will always cherish.