Day: July 13, 2023

Remembering Mother

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I’ve been thinking all week about my Mother and also today on what would be her 90th birthday.

I reminisced about her last few weeks and the time Paulette and I spent with her.

Eight months before she passed away, she had an arterial blockage. At the time, I was gently encouraged to keep her comfortable and let her go peacefully but I could not face that.

Although her dementia took away a lot of her memories, she was still engaging and she could be so funny and brought joy to others. So I pushed for surgery, which was technically successful, it restored the blood flow but she never walked again. With Covid fears and restrictions still in full swing she declined rapidly.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have approved the surgery, before that she seemed to have lots to give in life. Either way, it was a no-win situation. Had I let her go then, I think I would have still gone through a period of guilt. I am sorry she had to suffer.

It comes down to the final verse in this Wm Randolph Hearst poem ~’The River’

“So don’t ask why –
We live or die,
Or whither, or when we go,
Or wonder about the mysteries
That only God may know”

I love this picture of my Mother. It was taken two months after the surgery. I had given her the pearls my auntie sent her and she let me braid her hair. We spent the afternoon singing hymns đź’• It was hard to leave that day, but it was a day I will always cherish.

Yesterday When I Was Young

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When I was in my teens and twenties I honestly thought I would die young but since I will be 68 this year, my mind has changed and I don’t believe that any longer! That belief came from the fact that I experienced so much before I was even “of age” and I felt that because I was moving through life in the fast lane, I would reach my end sooner.

However, in all seriousness, another thing I have changed my mind about is whether or not – Life Is Fair – or that we can make it fair and equal for everyone. Not to say we should not help others, but overall we cannot not change what hardships, through fate, are going to enter someone’s life.

I wrote a blog about this a few years back, and it seems we can give people things that make life seem more equitable, but there are unexpected things in life that happen for which we have no control.

A person can do everything that’s righteous and upstanding, they can help others and yet life seems to hand them one cruel blow after another. Contrasting that, it seems there are those who are wicked and unjust who breeze through life, taking advantage of the poor and weak and they seem apparently blessed with good fortune.

We, as humans, can try to level the playing field but it is God who is in control of our lives and although we may not understand, we are instructed to not lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:4-5) and reminded that our ways and thoughts are not His ways and thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9).

So more than having changed my mind about life and fairness, I am learning to accept that life is is good, no matter what the circumstances. Whatever hardships I face, are mine to face. In the same way others have their own hardships and lessons to face on their journey through life. May each of each find the courage to see us through.

https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2021/04/24/fairness-in-life/