Month: July 2023

Just a Little Rock and Roll

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Music… I grew up deep, deep in the heart of Texas. Until I was 14 the only music I heard was gospel music and country. Not modern country but old country Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins, Tex Ritter, Johnny Cash, Tammy and George and Loretta.

There was no other music and rock and roll was the devils music. When I got married and left home and eventually Texas a whole new world opened up but I never strayed far. The first song I remember that wasn’t country was “Love Grows Where my Rosemary Goes,” by Edison Lighthouse. Funny because I heard it just the other day and I instantly flashed back to 1970 in Houston, Texas riding in a 1962 red Ford Thunderbird, windows down and radio blaring. I was free, pregnant and the world was my oyster.

In the 70’s, I treasured a lot of early 70’s pop rock and maybe I got into a little old time rock and roll from the 60’s but never got into anything much crazier. A lot of those songs take me back to Florida, sunshine and palm trees. It was a great life.

After Florida I moved to Alaska, had another child and now at 18, I was discovering more about myself. A neighbor gave me the John Denver album, Windsong, and she told me the song “Looking for Space,” reminded her of me and where I was in life. I loved it and it is still a song about me. That album was the beginning of a love for John and his music.

I migrated from there to other folk artists, Jim Croce, Gordon Lightfoot, Eddie Rabbit, Elvis, James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, Simon and Garfunkel and Willie Nelson. I still like old country and some newer stuff but ballads and folk are still my style. I am pretty simple and boring. On my phone I have favorites from almost all of these artist mixed in with a little Fleetwood Mac, John Lennon, 60’s rock and roll, folk music and lots of worship music.

My favorite rotates depending on my mood. Last week when I was mowing the lawn, I replayed Joni Mitchell’s, “The Circle Game” by Tom Rush over and over again. Listening to it made me think of Josh and how he was so full of life and filled with inspiring dreams and about how quickly time passes. It was a melancholy afternoon.

So back to my first favorite, the song that I still relate to, “Looking for Space“…

On the road of experience
I’m trying to find my own way
Sometimes I wish that I could fly away
When I think that I’m moving
Suddenly things stand still
I’m afraid ‘cause I think they always will

And I’m looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I’m looking to know and understand
It’s a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I’m almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I’m deep in despair

All alone in the universe
Sometimes that’s how it seems
I get lost in the sadness and the screams
Then I look in the center
Suddenly everything’s clear
I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams

And I’m looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I’m looking to know and understand
It’s a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I’m almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I’m deep in despair

On the road of experience
Join in the living day
If there’s an answer
It’s just that it’s just that way
When you’re looking for space
And to find out who you are
When you’re looking to try and reach the stars

It’s a sweet, sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I’m almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I’m deep in despair
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
Like an eagle
I go flying… High

Trish Breeds, July 02, 2023

Remembering Mother

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I’ve been thinking all week about my Mother and also today on what would be her 90th birthday.

I reminisced about her last few weeks and the time Paulette and I spent with her.

Eight months before she passed away, she had an arterial blockage. At the time, I was gently encouraged to keep her comfortable and let her go peacefully but I could not face that.

Although her dementia took away a lot of her memories, she was still engaging and she could be so funny and brought joy to others. So I pushed for surgery, which was technically successful, it restored the blood flow but she never walked again. With Covid fears and restrictions still in full swing she declined rapidly.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have approved the surgery, before that she seemed to have lots to give in life. Either way, it was a no-win situation. Had I let her go then, I think I would have still gone through a period of guilt. I am sorry she had to suffer.

It comes down to the final verse in this Wm Randolph Hearst poem ~’The River’

“So don’t ask why –
We live or die,
Or whither, or when we go,
Or wonder about the mysteries
That only God may know”

I love this picture of my Mother. It was taken two months after the surgery. I had given her the pearls my auntie sent her and she let me braid her hair. We spent the afternoon singing hymns 💕 It was hard to leave that day, but it was a day I will always cherish.

Yesterday When I Was Young

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When I was in my teens and twenties I honestly thought I would die young but since I will be 68 this year, my mind has changed and I don’t believe that any longer! That belief came from the fact that I experienced so much before I was even “of age” and I felt that because I was moving through life in the fast lane, I would reach my end sooner.

However, in all seriousness, another thing I have changed my mind about is whether or not – Life Is Fair – or that we can make it fair and equal for everyone. Not to say we should not help others, but overall we cannot not change what hardships, through fate, are going to enter someone’s life.

I wrote a blog about this a few years back, and it seems we can give people things that make life seem more equitable, but there are unexpected things in life that happen for which we have no control.

A person can do everything that’s righteous and upstanding, they can help others and yet life seems to hand them one cruel blow after another. Contrasting that, it seems there are those who are wicked and unjust who breeze through life, taking advantage of the poor and weak and they seem apparently blessed with good fortune.

We, as humans, can try to level the playing field but it is God who is in control of our lives and although we may not understand, we are instructed to not lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:4-5) and reminded that our ways and thoughts are not His ways and thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9).

So more than having changed my mind about life and fairness, I am learning to accept that life is is good, no matter what the circumstances. Whatever hardships I face, are mine to face. In the same way others have their own hardships and lessons to face on their journey through life. May each of each find the courage to see us through.

https://emyloomwordswovenwithinmyheart.com/2021/04/24/fairness-in-life/

The First of Many Journeys

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I started traveling at a young age. I was only six months old when my mother and the family moved from Virginia to Texas. I’m sure it was a road trip because airline travel was expensive back then and they were a family of five.

In Texas I stayed for many years until I was a young teenager. From there I traveled to Florida with my 3 month old son, Adam, and his dad who was going to be stationed at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa.

I remember that trip well. We followed the coast of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and along the coast of the Florida panhandle then south down the west gulf coast with only a paper map as a guide No A/C, no cell phone, no credit cards, only a small amount of cash in a very old blue Chevy pickup truck. With the windows down and hopes high, we hit the road. It was exciting to see all the small coastal towns with fishing boats lined up at the docks flanked by the gorgeous views of the gulf. It was 1971 and we had no car seat or baby carrier, Adam just laid on the bench seat between us. Life seemed pretty simple, nothing to fear (or should I say we feared nothing), excited to see what life would bring.

At the time my mother lived in Bradenton, Florida and we drove there before my husband reported to McDill. As we neared our destination, we approached the Lower Tampa Bay and were met a by a very long bridge that connected the land on the north to the land on the southern side. It was called the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. It was 15 miles end to end. We traveled several miles just above the water on a low level causeway when ahead on the horizon appears steep high span. It seemed like it was a mile straight up into the sky although it was only 150 ft above the water. I was terrified; it felt like we were driving to the highest peak on a roller coaster not knowing what was on the other side. I wanted to turn around but there was no going back. When we reached the top of the span, the road surface was made of only metal grates and you could look down to the water far, far below. Over the next 3 years I dreaded every time we had to cross that bridge and I never got accustom to crossing it.

The original bridge was built in 1954 and in 1980 after I had left Florida, a freighter hit one of the support columns of the bridge and caused it to collapse. Several cars and even a greyhound bus plunged into the water. Thirty-four people died as a result of the collapse. How horrifying.

We made the trip between Florida and Texas by car several times, the last time I crossed that bridge was in December 1973, on my way to Alaska via the Alcan Highway. That was another exciting journey, but a story for another day.

Below is a link about the history of the bridge.

https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida/2019/09/06/the-first-skyway-bridge-opened-65-years-ago-today-it-was-a-triumph-then-came-the-tragedy/