“Friendship like the flight of birds;
Cannot be put in written words,
Never has a poet penned,
All it means to have a friend.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I bought a set of stationary back in the 1970’s that had this quote on it, I have never seen it anywhere since and I cannot find any other reference to Longfellow. However it remains a favorite of mine.

I was told that I was a person who “chooses friends carefully.” In truth, over the last nearly seventy years I have had four friends that I would call “forever {sister} friends.” There was a time I longed for a close friend, a time I felt isolated and alone. I think I was selective about who I got close to, because of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of rejection, fear that as I wrote once…“Am I the problem? Why do I lock others out? To protect from the hurt, Or is it from Fear? That they might discover… What’s hidden in here?”

The first FSF I had was Mary. I met Mary in Anchorage, Alaska in 1974, I was 19. We were living at the top of the world, isolated, and we lived as if there were no other people on earth. Mary was older than me, she was funny and outgoing. We shared so much and she was a friend that helped me to begin to come out of my shell. She told me once, “Why do you always wear brown? You look like you’re dead.” Truth is I was just trying to blend into the background. Mary and I have been friends for nearly fifty years. We stayed connected to each other from around the US, from Alaska, to Texas, to Colorado. Mary is in South Carolina now, me in Seattle but we still talk and laugh about those good times in Alaska.

FSF number two is Debbie. We met in 1977, in Denver. Debbie and I have had some rough spots, we were total opposites both born in 1955, she is older by 3 months. My ex thought she was a bad influence on me but isn’t that the way it goes? The greatest friendships have a yin and yang combination. I married young and really had no wild and crazy side when we met except for what I gained from Mary (Debbie took up where Mary left off). She was a natural comic, quick and witty. I always would tell her that Rosanne was nothing compared to her.

Over the years we have been there for one another… births, deaths, divorce, and we have shared the lowest lows and the highest highs. There is not much we have not shared with one other. Debbie and I have not lived in the same city since 1984. We still see each other, more the past few years because we both understand tomorrow is not guaranteed. Seven years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The bad one, but really they are all bad. Prayers are answered because after seven years of treatment, she is still cancer free.

After I moved to Seattle, I longed again for a friend. Debbie and I wrote and talked often, but it is not the same as having someone to share your day to day life with, go shopping with, someone you can laugh and cry with. I had a few acquaintances, neighbors and co-workers but no Seattle Forever Sister Friend. It was the dry season of my life. I wrote a poem (prayer) about this longing for a friend in 1993 and in 1999 God answered my prayer when I visited a local Messianic Congregation.

There I met two FSFs. The first one was Becky. Again, I tend to gravitate to the outgoing extroverted type. Becky, also six years older than me ran the Judaica shop/bookstore at this congregation and we hit it off from the start. I started going with her to conferences, and as we were both in our 40/50’s by this time we had a lot of catching up to do. We went to California, Texas, Canada and Mexico together and although we had common hearts, our habits and personal traits were totally different. I am the morning person, she not so much; she was all into Dancing with the Stars, me true crime; she loves to dance (organized dance), me two-left feet and just move with the music; she knows the scientific names of all the plants, I just know they are pretty; she is mocha lattes and I was just coffee, I was kinda plain Jane and she knew all the latest beauty tips. It was with Becky I had my very first pedicure. Who knew that could be so great, oh what had I been missing? Becky and I have a similar look and people often mistake us for one another or think we were sisters. It was at the pedicure place one day when a woman asked the owner if we were sisters, she said, “No they just look alike and they both have big hair.” Yes, we have big hair!!

Becky cared for her husband who was in failing health. She was loyal and devoted; she sacrificed herself to care for him until the end. She has been a loyal and devoted friend as well. She’s never afraid to tell me if my thinking is not right but always loving me, quirks and all.

Finally, but not least, there is Shoshana. The kindest, most loving, non-judgmental person I know. She is a FSF/Soul Sister. We are only a couple of years apart in age and her wisdom has blessed me many times. She also had a tough childhood and her compassion for others is a heavenly gift. Sometimes she gives so much of herself she forgets to take care of herself too. I think that is where I come in, possibly God put me in her path so that I can remind her that she is important too and she needs to take time to put herself first. In turn she reminds me that God loves me no matter what happened in my past.

I think maybe there is a point in life where you can no longer make new FSFs, or new old friends. I would never presume to know it all though, God has surprised me more than once. The qualities I value in all my FSFs are; they are trustworthy, loyal, honest, people of faith, people who have a deeper understanding of life and take the time to find the joy in every day.