Not yet a decade but it seems like an eternity ago. I was struggling with things beyond my control. I had a crippling fear in my heart and I felt this overbearing sense of doom. Gripping fear, fear of loss, fear of what the future might hold. No way out. In all these these things I felt helpless and alone.
Now eight years later, I read my words from back then and see that even though I thought this was the depth of my worries, things did get worse and today the events remain unchanged. My husband and I have not conquered these thoughts but we have relinquished control, because the truth is in the bigger things of life, the things of life and death, we have no control. We can only have faith.
“He holds the life of every creature in his hand. He controls the breath of every human being.” Job 12:10 NIRV
March 1, 2014 6:08PM
You know those thoughts that linger around your mind, ones that speak truths to you that you do not want to acknowledge, not even to your closest friends or spouse?
They capture a fear within. A fear that if they materialize into words you will forever regret giving them voice.
You rebuke them in your prayers, turning them over to God but they still whisper.
Then it happens. A quiet moment with your partner, your soul mate, the conversation opens to a crossroad with those thoughts. One of you brushes the edge and the other realizes those thoughts are not only troubling you.
For the briefest second you look at each other as if you have each bared your soul and realize the reality those thoughts could become. You look at the stark truth together and take a deep breath.
It is done. They are acknowledged to one another, you are not alone with them. You realize you share something very deep. A message to your soul.
It is a relief. A moment that you realize how closely bonded you really are. You wonder if those thoughts are preparing you for some future time.
The thoughts still linger. However, you won’t speak of it again. Only once.
Once was enough to see into each others heart and know your deepest hidden unspoken thoughts are journeying together.
Emyloom ~ Words Woven Within My Heart 