Month: May 2021

The Long Goodbye

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Tomorrow, I say my final goodbye to the person who gave me life, my mother. She crossed the threshold from this earth into her heavenly home on Pentecost Sunday, the day God sent His Spirit as a comforter, a helper and a friend.

I had been sitting by her bedside for ten days. The last five she was unresponsive, “resting peacefully” the nurses would say. However the days that proceeded those she suffered so much pain it broke my heart to hear her cries.

Sunday morning, I whispered in her ear, “Today is Pentecost Mother, the day God sent his spirit to earth. Perhaps he will come today to take you home.”

My mother needed the comfort, help and friendship from the Holy Spirit these past few months and weeks. She relied on Him from the time she was 16. He was her stronghold and guide through many difficult days.

It was ten long days of saying goodbye, of singing hymns, of holding her hand, of listening to sweet anecdotes from staff and others that loved her.

I thought I was prepared, I thought I would be relieved, but the moment her spirit left her body and she took her last breath, as peaceful as it was, the reality that she was gone overwhelmed me with a flood of emotion that was unexpected.

The truth is, no matter how many days you prepare yourself, there are very few sorrows in life that are as deep as losing your Mother.

My Mother’s Tears

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It says in the Psalms 56:8.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

In 2000 I visited Israel and there I purchased this small blown glass tear bottle or tear catcher. It is said that use of these bottles dates back over 3000 years when in Middle Eastern societies mourners would collect their tears in them.

My mother was tenderhearted. Emotional. She was I believe an empath; if someone was hurting she felt their pain, her heart would break with theirs and she would shed tears with them.

When look at this little bottle, I realize that sadly would it would not have held my mother’s tears. She shed tears of sadness, tears of sorrow, tears of regret, of loss and rejection. She also shed tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of love and of thankfulness.

Mother read her bible and several devotionals every morning and after her study she shed tears through her prayers, for her family, for her friends, for her past mistakes, and for God’s love for her.

Sometimes it seemed her tears were endless and ofttimes hard to understand or cope with. When I would call and find her crying, I would ask her why? Her most frequent answer was, ‘because God is so good’

Today I rejoice because my mother is in heaven with the Savior she loved and served all her days. She can feel through her very being the overwhelming depth of God’s love. She is singing and rejoicing and all the things of this earth that brought sorrow and sadness are gone.

So even though this little bottle would not have been large enough to hold her earthly tears for even a day, I know that the bible says the place where she is today is a place where…

“He will wipe every tear from [her] eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:4NiV

Long Journey Home

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It has been a long week sitting at Mother’s bedside. She is still with us and she has not had food or drink in 3 days. We are not eager to let her go but want her suffering to end.

On Wednesday night the nurse said that she felt Mother is waiting on someone. I told the only one who has not said goodbye (of her children) is my brother who is an alcoholic. They had not spoken in ten years. I told her that I cannot call him as the last calls I had with him were abusive.

I told my mother on Tuesday that if she was waiting to hear from Howard, it was ok to go because God was going to handle it and he’d explain it all once she was in heaven.

Yesterday, Thursday, we talked to the social worker about calling him. The social worker did call my brother and he agreed to speak to Mother. Miracles of miracles, he was decent and told her he loved her and it was ok to go. Actually he said more than I ever hoped for or expected. He tried to bring up their past relationship issues and the social worker told him “That is in the past, this is now, and your Mother needs to know you’ll be ok when she leaves.”

I could have never had that conversation with him, it would have ended in an abusive tiraid.

When the night nurse came in, she told us that after we left on Wednesday night a young aid came on duty who had a good relationship with Mother. After she went down to check on Mother, she came back and asked “Has Mrs Patsy been verbal at all?” The nurse told her she had not been for days. The the aid said, “She just told me ‘I am waiting for somebody’ “

We told the night nurse about the call to my brother. She called the aid at home on her day off and brought the phone to us so she could tell us exactly what happened.

I pray that ‘someone’ was my brother and she can now be released from the cares and worries of this world and move onto glory.

Ten minutes after the call to the aid she showed up to see us. She was so young and sweet. She told us she would dance down the halls with Mother on the way to the showers and how Mother want to be sure she didn’t lose any of her big bobby-pins. Oh my, we all knew about those wave holding bobby-pins and we all laughed. I know if Mother could still hear she was laughing with us. It was a sweet, sweet moment.

Today is Friday, May 21. Say a prayer that God will call her home.