Month: January 2021

Lost Souls

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Chris and I went to Seattle back in November to drop something off for youngest son. We stop at a local favorite, Ivar’s Fish Bar, for fish and chips. As we watched people wait in line, properly social distanced, I said to Chris, “People in the city all look like they are lost souls.”

Maybe they were just caught up in their thoughts as they wait for their orders, but it seemed they were sad. You could see no smiles as they all had masks but also there was no nods or greetings, no air of happiness around them, people that were together just stared at the ground. The mood was as grey as the day.

As we left, we drove past rows and rows of tents, in the parks on the roadside, in parking lots and on the sidewalks in front of homes and businesses. I remember just 7 years ago when I lived in Seattle with JD for six months that I would occasionally see a tent or homeless camp. Now, trying to figure out what changed it all, is mind boggling. Especially in this city where there is so much opportunity and wealth.

Drugs are a big part and our lenient system has drawn people here from other areas. It is heartbreaking for the people, those on the streets and those trying to raise their families and work.

Chris is on the board of the local homeless shelter and everyone’s situation is different and complex. It takes more than just providing shelter, it takes investing in their lives and providing services to overcome the crisis they are in, whether it is mental illness, drugs, alcohol or abuse. Sometimes tough love is appropriate.

A few weeks after our Seattle trip, Eric Johnson’s “Fight for the Soul of Seattle” documentary was released, a follow-up to his March 2019 piece, “Seattle is Dying” which received Edward R. Murrow Regional Award for documentary as well as a Northwest NATAS Emmy Award for Documentary. I watched the 90 minute video in tears; not only for the lost, addicted and forgotten but because it seems we have no ability to provide long lasting help for the people.

The problem overall seems insurmountable. How can I, as one person, fix this enormous problem with so many complicated and unique variables? I cannot, other than supporting sound policies. However, I am of the belief that God often places people in our path that need guidance. Many times, we have extended support for people who have lost there way. Sometimes it lasts only a few weeks, and for others it is a long process. Who knows if there was really a lasting impact on their lives but Chris and I are in one accord about this: We cannot help the whole world but we can help the one in front of us.

Lost souls, they are out there. Offer what you can when they are in front of you, it may only be a granola bar in your pocket but if we all add a drop to of kindness maybe it will grow in to a sea of compassion.

Palindrome Day 1/20/21

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Today is a palindrome day, the first of a 10 day stretch of them. The date is read the say forward and backwards, a good analogy for the times…Everything will be the same forward and backwards.

God is on the throne, His will be done. People will love and people will hate, there will be births and there will be deaths, good and evil, loyalty and betrayal, leaders will rise up and leaders will fall. If you are looking for something new, something different, want change? Don’t look to any leader. Look to God.

My prayer: God, help me look into my own heart, examine my own thoughts and actions find the what it takes to overlook the flaws in others and make the change in my heart and mind.

Nothing new on this earth, set your heart on eternity.


Ecclesiastes 1:9-18 GNT
What has happened before will happen again. What has been done before will be done again. There is nothing new in the whole world.
“Look,” they say, “here is something new!” But no, it has all happened before, long before we were born.
No one remembers what has happened in the past, and no one in days to come will remember what happens between now and then.
I, the Philosopher, have been king over Israel in Jerusalem. I determined that I would examine and study all the things that are done in this world. God has laid a miserable fate upon us. I have seen everything done in this world, and I tell you, it is all useless. It is like chasing the wind.
You can’t straighten out what is crooked; you can’t count things that aren’t there.
I told myself, “I have become a great man, far wiser than anyone who ruled Jerusalem before me. I know what wisdom and knowledge really are.”
I was determined to learn the difference between knowledge and foolishness, wisdom and madness. But I found out that I might as well be chasing the wind.
The wiser you are, the more worries you have; the more you know, the more it hurts.

No Fight Left … Only Love

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I saw my mother yesterday. She was a little confused and in quarantine because of her latest hospital visit.

Over the years my mother and I have had our shared joy and trials, times when we saw eye-to-eye and many times that we clashed. There were times I felt suffocated and pulled away and times she clung tighter.

The last few years because of her decline into dementia it seemed the clashes were more frequent and heated. I was not-so-affectionately called the “bossyone” In reality, I was trying to enable the very thing she wanted, to remain independent in her home, by making sound decisions and managing her finances.

An unfortunate fall in 2018 lead her to rehab where she could no longer hide her advancing dementia.

She will still produce a beautiful smile on request.

We have been through a process the last three years. Just as infant grows and advances at a rapid pace between birth and four years. It seems dementia takes a turn and in three short years my mothers abilities have declined at a rapid pace.

She had surgery in October and the decline has been even more sharp since then. When I saw her this week she was so frail and helpless, she stared off into space as a newborn does when it is seeing the strange new world for the first time. She found comfort in being held, holding my hand and was soothed by the sound of music – the old hymns she would play for hours. The words to those she has not forgotten.

We have gone from birth and total dependence, to growing, changing, challenging, disagreements, coming together, growing apart, to facing the honest truth of our relationship then in reverse growing apart, coming together, disagreements, challenging, changing (especially in my views about her illness and motives), to growing old and total dependence on others.

Now she just wants to be loved, be safe and protected. We have come full circle from the newborn daughter a mother held in her arms 65 years ago to yesterday as a daughter held her innocent elderly mother in her arms.

I braided her hair and put the pearl necklace on her that my auntie sent. Girls should always wear their pearls.

There is no fight left, what is left is only pure love.