Day: August 25, 2020

Gladys

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Sharing a verse from 1978 written by my mother about her cousin Gladys. It is about a person that loved her through a time of loss and change.

In tribute to Gladys 12/31/33 – 8/23/20

GLADYS

Once, so many years ago; a time came in my life: a time of change-

    A change of place, a change of face, a change of family came into my life –

Once so many years ago; once so many years ago I gained a sister in my life-

    Not a REAL sister – in that way-I wasn’t blessed, once so many years ago.

This sister that I did acquire, once so many years ago, was truly of the family,

    The family kind; because as close as we could come was through our mothers,

Once so many years ago; For 14 years we did not know, this sister of mine-

    We did not know that such a closeness, a love, a kindredship could exist.

Once so many years ago.

Sometimes I wonder as I think back on once so many years ago, if there might –

    Just might have been some unspoken thoughts between us two; so many years ago,

Unspoken thoughts that may have said—I don’t want you here—you intrude—intrude

    On me and my family – go away – Did she think these things, many years ago?

Once so many years? If she did – she didn’t say – didn’t say these things out –

    Out loud to me, once so many years ago.  We fussed, we played, we grew,

We fell in Love ( Oh! How many times?) Once so many years ago. 

    Such great, great things. Great things as we plundered through the years,

Once so many years ago.

Once so many years ago, 14 can seem so old, so old we really thought we were,

    Once so many years ago—we thought we knew just everything, just all the-

The world was at our feet — boy we were really dumb, once so many years ago.

    Once so many years ago? Ha! Have we ever changed? This “sister” and l –

Have we changed from once go many years ago? This “sister” is my cousin, my

    Cousin, or did you know? This cousin that I loved so dear, so many years ago!

No we haven’t changed from once so many years ago—we haven’t changed, but years,

    Years have changed, changed us both, we’re not as near as once so many years ago.

But, Love? Yes love is there—is there any doubt it’s so? Any doubt it would not—

    Would not live—from once so many years ago? Oh yes – it lived, it lived and

And even grew – grew into a different kind of love from once so many years ago.

    We don’t climb trees, or run through orchards, or eat ice cream brunches,

Like once so many years ago. Or even sit on top of the bunk beds and play rummy —

    Yes, for hours, once so many years ago. There are so many things that over,

Over, over the years we’ve out-grown, since once so many years ago.  When we —

    When we were only 14, only 14, so many years ago and thought the world was ours.

Once so many years ago, are days l won’t forget, wouldn’t want to even If I could—

    Could forget those years – those years before we grew so fast and grew away—

Away each other in miles, in miles but never in thoughts, in miles but— 

    But once in a while. not often, but once in a while—a letter, a talk, a talk,

Once go many years ago – I had “sister-cousin” — once so many years ago, and yet

     Tho’ oh so many years have passed, I have that sister still—to share our—

Our thoughts, our loves, our disappointments, our sorrows, our plans for things–

    For things yet to come, to come to our children, things that maybe we missed.

We missed once so many years ago —Missed?  Us? No we didn’t miss out-out on any –

    On anything once so many years ago, because I had a sister to love and who–

Who loved me in return, even tho’ it was never said; said outloud, but still —

   Still was there and is today, the love, I have for her, Gladys, this sister –

Whom I love today and never see, oh, seldom, yes but

   Not like once so many years ago, when 14 was  just

Just the age to be — with Gladys

Once so many years ago.

HPVHA 2-16-78

Life and Loss

emyloom 1 Comment

Life is trying these days. So much adjusting. Adjusting to a virus that has us second guessing each move. A virus that takes its greatest toll on the elderly — in loss of life and in loss of emotional support.

As I have written before my mother is in a nursing home facility in Texas. A facility that’s 2000 miles from me. I was visiting once every couple of months but once this virus hit I have been unable to visit. The facility was locked down on March 12.

Since that time I noticed a decline in my mother’s health, her mental health and physical. Every phone call she ask when I’m coming to see her. Every phone call I tell her no one can visit because of the virus. Every phone call I tell her the virus is everywhere.

She began asking about different family members and saying she was worried about them. She would say things like, “I wonder if they’re dead. Are they dead?”

One person she asked about often was her cousin Gladys, they were as close as sisters. A few months ago I was talking to my mother on an early Sunday morning and she asked those questions about Gladys.

Gladys lives in North Carolina. Only six months younger than my mother she has no dementia and lives a full life. So that morning I called Gladys then called my mom back and set up a three-way call. They talked for 45 minutes laughed and giggled just like schoolgirls. It was so sweet and Gladys was so patient with my mother as she repeated the same questions over again. The questions were mostly about the present because the past my mother remembered fully.

Sadly yesterday, I learned that Gladys had passed away, a casualty of the COVID-19 virus. Such a great loss to her family. She full of energy, so loving and giving to all around her. I loved to hear her speak, her southern accent so much like my grandmother’s in the way she called me darling drawn out into a melodic – “Daah-lynn’.”

Now I am faced with a choice as to whether I should tell my mother. One side of me leans toward not telling her. Her mental decline has been so noticeably great since this lock down. The other side of me faces the same old question can I/should I lie when she ask about her?

After am e-mail exchange with the social worker, Christy, (she is an angel on earth) I decide I will not tell her. Christy tells me my mother has days when she will have a moment of clarity and remember the loss of her step-son earlier this year. She mourns all over again and it takes days for her to recover. Just deflect the question or tell her Gladys is fine. I have decided on the latter.

After all, Gladys is fine, she is more than fine. She is in the Heavenly realms with her maker and the lover of her soul. They will meet again one day.