Cursing, swearing and dropping the F-Bomb, something that was not really part of my make-up until… the past few years.
It start around 8 years or so ago. I had a conversation with a person in their 30’s who told me dropping the F-Bomb was not as shocking in their generation as it was in mine. Then true enough, I started hearing more and more. I can’t really say how it start for me but once it did it grew until I couldn’t stop.
The first time, I was upset, angry, frustrated and it just came out of my mouth. I had an immediate guilt pang, disappointed in myself but it did seem to carry a release of some kind. From there it went out of control, I still had that momentary guilt but it was accompanied with a feeling of justification because, after all, the situation (whatever it was) called for an F-Bomb reaction. Right?
Slowly, it became part of something I said but really didn’t like. I would read posts and comments full of F’ing and flailing and I didn’t think it was civil or proper or edifying. I made a decision to stop, I’d say a prayer for forgiveness every time I slipped but it seemed to have grabbed me, it was not going to give up easily and it was not going to let me go.
The more I struggled, the more I realized it was a controlling spirit that was destroying mine. It no longer brought release of frustration; it only tore me down spiritually and emotionally. The more I heard it, or spoke it, the sicker I felt. It did not raise me up, it torn me down in my own eyes and in the eyes of God.
I was having dinner with a friend recently in a restaurant/bar. The air was full of swearing, cursing, F-Bombs and I was filled with sadness. The next day someone called me regarding a legal dealing with my mother, every other word was F this and F that… F it, F it, F it. I kept my cool and after a while I said, “I am going to say goodbye now, as I see this conversation is going nowhere.”
It was then I knew. No one had ever spoken to me that way before and that form of speech was not something I wanted as part of me, even occasionally. I should never have accepted it as a common form of speech. If it is for the younger generation, it makes me sad for the generation that follows theirs.
I felt God was dealing with me and opening my eyes to this evil I had let enter my life. I am ashamed and with God’s help, I am going to drive this spirit of destructive speech out of vocabulary, out of my soul, out of my heart.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14 ESV