Month: June 2019

Dementia

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To Texas again and a free movie. Why does it seem there is always a movie with a lesson for me? ( See note May 2017 on “Collateral Beauty”) This flight’s movie was with Nick Nolte in “Head Full of Honey”. Besides the obligatory political snide remarks that were completely off track for the theme this movie, it has given me an insight to something I am facing, and a way to see the another side of caring for an elderly parent. A way to move past my childhood hurts and my biases, my history and frustrations.

It is about dementia and the toll it takes on families and the acceptance that needs to happen to overcome the challenges it brings as your love slips deeper into the disease.

Nolte plays an old man whose son brings him to live in his home as he can see he is not caring for himself. The son is in major denial about his condition; he just thinks he’s old and forgetful. The wife sees that something more serious is going on; she cannot cope and is angry. Then there is his 10 year old granddaughter; she sees both of those things but is filled with love and compassion for her grandpa. She has no past hurts or grudges, she is non-judging, she listens to his tales and plays along with his delusions.

As he deteriates she reminds him of his life and what was important to him. She overlooks his outbursts and takes him on an journey of love to the Italian city of love.

I am always listening to hidden messages. I have been in all these places the past few years but I need to concentrate more on loving my mom where she is now. I need to not react to things that are triggers, maybe in the past I saw it as manipulation and maybe it was, but I need to accept that this is where her mind is now. I have taken her on many journeys of love and taken her on many trip to beautiful places… perhaps this last journey will be the hardest for us both.

Pot or Not

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My great little town is again in a rabid debate, this one over whether a Marijuana shop should be given a license to open a shop in town.  As per the strong opinions that live here, the discussion has resorted to name calling and insults.  It seems as with many things civil discourse is a thing of the past.

My thoughts:

I am of a certain age and generation that has lived a lifetime of hearing warnings about the evils of drugs including marijuana. Because of this and a perception through media or  the entertainment industry that puts marijuana in a category with seedy areas of town, when I hear “pot shop” I envision Aurora Ave… strip joints, bars, pot shops and yes, even tattoo parlors.  All those things that have been ranked in the “there goes the neighborhood” category. 

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I grew up in blue county in small town America that didn’t even sell alcohol.  I have lived all over the US and abroad. I have to say comparing my childhood home to Colorado 30 years ago where there was a liquor store on every corner with a big red sign,  leaves me yearning for the former. 

When I moved here in 1983, I found it refreshing that there weren’t private liquor stores filling every strip mall. 

So old indoctrinations are hard to overcome but as with everything there is a balance. Certain medicinal benefits from Cannabis is widely accepted and I have often wondered, “ Why is not sold and marketed by licensed pharmaceutical   companies?” Because having to go to little shops in the seedy areas of town to get it seems to stigmatize it further. 

All that said, it leaves me with mixed feelings about it’s use, abuse, benefits and  harms. 

Generally,  I have felt it was no worse than alcohol, however, it was illegal in the past.  Being an employer, over the years I have seen the bad side of both and how they affect lives in a negative way.   Some can use both socially with no negative effects and for others it leads them to poor choices that can destroy their future.   We often have jobs in the construction industry and they drug test employees, like with LEO members, there is a zero tolerance drug use, even marijuana since it has become legal and we have been forced to dismiss long-term employees because they choose cannabis use over their job. 

In my heart, I long for the old small town America but I know times are changing and, as in all things, not always for the worse.  

Que Sera Sera