TRUE STORY: (The names have been changed to protect the innocent)

I have a friend that told me this story of her lemon tree.  In this story is the essence of communication and miscommunication.

Jane, my friend,  goes out side and admires her lovely lemon tree she planted 8 years ago.  This day it is covered in beautiful lemons, maybe 60 or more.  She gentles picks several of the large yellow fruit; she’s going to make a lemon pie or use them the make some refreshing lemonade to enjoy in the California sun.

Jane’s neighbor, Mary, looks over the fence and comments on Jane’s abundance of lemons.  Jane says, “Yes, there are so many I don’t  think I’ll use them all.  Would you like some, help yourself, take what you need”

A few weeks later Jane notices she only has 10 lemons left on the tree.  She has not been using that many, one every couple of days.  She is slightly annoyed that her neighbor has taken so many.

After a few days later Jane is up early to head out for an appointment.  She looks out at her lemon tree and there are only four lemons left.  Four?  One is a large beautiful ripe lemon.  Jane thinks I’ll pick that one today for lemonade,

Jane returns home and her beautiful lemon is gone.  Jane is really annoyed now.  She doesn’t understand why Mary has taken nearly all the lemons off her tree.

A few days later Jane is at her neighbor’s home.  Bob, Mary’s husband, comments to Jane on how much Mary loves the lemons on her tree.  Jane thinks, “Well yes I loved them too… I didn’t think you’d use them all…”  Before she can finish her thought Bob says, “Yeah Mary has been using them to clean the garbage disposal.”  Then he comments on the citrus level and how really do a great job.

Needless to say Jane is furious!  She can hardly contain her outrage,  They were taking her beautiful, fresh, prized lemons and grinding them up in their garbage disposal!

The problem here is communication.  What Jane said and foresaw in her offer to Mary, was not the same thing that Mary heard and foresaw.  Jane also has different life experiences and standards than Mary has which lead to different expectations.

To Jane, these were her luscious prize lemons off a tree she had taken 8 years to cultivate.  They were fresh, large and luscious, wonderful in pies,  tea, lemonade.  What a treasure to go outside pick a fresh lemon and enjoy.  She was generous and kind and wanted to share with her neighbor.  Sure she said “take would you need,”  but she never thought Mary would pick the tree clean.  If that generous offer had been made to Jane she might take one or two, then check if it was still alright to use the lemons.  She didn’t really mean for Mary to take them all.

To Mary, they were just free lemons.  She did really need them for anything but she had heard they were good for garbage disposals.  Mary may have thought, there are so many, if I don’t use them they’ll just die off, Jane said “take what you need.”  So she took Jane’s treasure and threw them down the drain.

This story: a small issue in miscommunication.  The bigger picture… imagine how miscommunication and differences in expectations, morals, manners, rights, life issues, experiences, beliefs and values affect our lives.

To Jane’s credit she is not still angry at her neighbor.  However, she has reevaluated her words and using this a lesson to understand communication is a powerful thing and making ones intentions clear should not be overlooked.

March 12. 2011